I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes

[Chlobo]

I have really tried not to go too A&E, I've held back for almost three months which is a long time based on the past year and when I would go.
I get what you're all saying but when you're stuck in that cycle of panic and 'what if' it's hard to get out of it. I know you're all pissed at me, and that's okay I'll take that, I'm always honest on here and I'll admit when I've been and had testing.
Poppy I have been on medication most of my life but my doctor wanted to try something new to see if it would help. The Sertraline upset my tummy and the Venlafaxine made my vision blurred so each time the doctor told me to stop. I know I have health anxiety, and probably severe health anxiety at that, I am aware it's an issue and I'm definitely not denying there's a mental health issue here, I'm just finding it hard to control.
I have been doing what everyone has told me in regards to not googling, I have stopped that. The checking is OCD so that's not an instant fix, even a therapist told me that you can't stop that cold turkey, but just decrease it if I can. If I have offended anyone then I apologise, but honestly if you could see me in real life at the moment you would probably realise why I ended up going. I am a mess.

[pulisa]

Who is looking after your children, Chloe?

[pulisa]

I’m going to keep this brief as OH is another Helenhoo who I spent many times trying to help to no avail.

I am glad your results came back clear but not happy about the way you went about it. I am having to pay privately for scans to see the degeneration of my progressive actual medically diagnosed physical condition because the NHS is so overrun and busy they just can’t get me in for a scan for at least 12-18 months.

Medication is not the cure, medication can work but has to be used in conjunction with therapy and coping mechanisms to have a good outcome.

I have suffered from HA since I was 19 I am now 31. I like many here, I have had lots of fears over the years and guess what they have all been fears, anxiety, obsessive thoughts never what my brain has told me is the “worst case” scenario.

Currently I have been battling cardiophobia for around 2 months now but I will not take myself to the gp or the hospital because I know it’s just my anxiety as I have had tests done and they were clear and I am a reasonable healthy young woman with no major risk factors. The pains in my chest have been happening on and off for months. No it’s not a heart attack because it wouldn’t be going on this long.

These responses I say to myself are the things I have learned in therapy and from doing my own personal researching of CBT and talking my anxiety. I’m not saying that everyday is a breeze as it’s not but… I make a conscious effort to fight my fears with logic and no longer paralyse myself with fear.

I spent most of last night reading this thread, sadly a lot of people have gave you lots of advice and you refuse to listen. Advice coming from long timers on this sight aswell who have calmed me down in previous years but you take no notice. HA is horrible and most of us battle or have came through the battle but heavily reassurance seeking to the point this post is 6 years old with nearly 1000 comments is not beneficial for you. You said something along the lines of justifying my your actions because you have HA. You are not your HA you need to want to help YOURSELF. We won’t do that for you. You need to accept what the doctors say and move on with making yourself mentally healthy and controlling your obsessions

You have done fantastically well to manage your HA so successfully, GadGirl. I don't understand how Chloe was just able to get an instant MRI and results on the spot when everyone else faces an extremely long wait for both test AND results. It's unfair but ultimately it's far better to have reached the place you have where you don't need to chase tests and doctors all the time.

[BlueIris]

Agreed, Pulisa, on all counts. I find it very upsetting that there are people out there with a genuine need who have to wait for insane amounts of time.

Being a mess is no excuse for Chloe neglecting her kids or taking resources from those in genuine need. My crippling anxiety is a good part of the reason I decided to never have kids; I didn't want them to be poisoned by my own fear.

[pulisa]

I feel so guilty for having children and lumbering them with my legacy.

[BlueIris]

You shouldn't. You clearly take wonderful care of them.

[flygirl767]

I rarely post, mainly due to getting very little response when I have needed support but here we have another thread of 80 pages with so many of you trying (in vain) to support this lady whilst so many other posters get pretty much ignored. I honestly think you are all just feeding her addiction for reassurance and you would be better of not responding now. Chloe needs professional help and she is not taking on board anything you tell her.

Not even going to mention the cost to the NHS of a needless MRI..

[WorryRaptor]

I agree that there's not much more anyone can really do here.

It's up to Chlobo to take the steps she needs now. People have given so much of their time to this whole thing, and it really doesn't look like any of their advice was taken on board, or even appreciated beyond a hasty thanks and a symptom dump. I feel a significant part of the motivation behind people helping so much is the fact Chlobo has young children relying on her to get better.

Chlobo, I seriously hope you start putting in the work to address your mental health. I realise you're struggling fiercely with all of this, but countless others are too. Ultimately, it comes down to making choices, and committing to them, with the help of medication or not. You won't make progress by doing one small thing, followed by a "yeah but" or reasoning why it's so difficult. Even your last reply here was justifying your behaviour. Everyone here knows its difficult. There are even people with anxiety AND actual physical illnesses who are fighting exactly the same dragon.

[Fishmanpa]

I know you're all annoyed with me but I have health anxiety and isn't my behavior matching that.

Your HA and mental illness are an explanation for your behavior, not an excuse for it

I agree with previous posts about replying at all at this point and yes, I know even posting this will feed the dragon, but enough is enough.

FMP

[Catkins]

I feel so guilty for having children and lumbering them with my legacy.

Don't ever think like that. Your children are lucky to have you as their mum, the fact that you have had mental health problems makes you in an excellent position to understand them and support them with their struggles. Is it hereditary? Who knows? Every time me, my brother or my sister had anything wrong with us from our birth until she died, my mum would feel responsible, that she'd somehow passed it down. Sometimes things just happen, whether it's physical or mental, none of us know when we have kids what the future holds.

All we can do is do our best, I know sometimes it feels like that isn't good enough, but it's all any of us can do.

Last year, when I was really unwell and my son took me to our local mental health hospital for an assessment, I thought I'd completely failed as a mother. But he was brilliant, he was supportive, kind and didn't stop at home afterwards longer than he should do (so that his life was affected in any negative way). The way he's been since is no different to before, he still treats me as his pain in the bum mum, who has a quirky sense of humour, which sometimes verges on ridiculous. I hope that by seeing me in a terrible state, and seeing me improving with support, counselling and medication helps him should he find himself struggling in life, he'll hopefully know it's not the end of the road.

I know your circumstances are different to mine, but having someone who understands suffering on many levels will be an advantage for your children, it's harder to support someone if you have absolutely no idea what they're going through.