Re: Ashamed of myself for not volunteering
TaleOn11, as the ladies prior to me have suggested, these kinds of changes you want to make are not easy. Especially when we have to live with anxiety every day. I have a tendency too to see life in rigid lines, rules that are 'acceptable' and that we feel we must conform to. I've always been a people pleaser, wanting to do the right thing, and I can see some of that in you.
I've not been in paid employment since 1995. I had to quit work due to anxiety and then met my wife who had epilepsy. She developed further health conditions so I've never gone back into paid work. I live in dread of having to make that commitment again. So your year away from any work is a relatively short time, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Lowering our anxiety levels is never that simple, we get by as best we can. You are certainly not a loser, believe me.
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'It was a wedding ring, destined to be found in a cheap hotel, lost in a kitchen sink, or thrown in a wishing well' - Marillion, Clutching at Straws, 1987