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Thread: Not okay right now

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    6,410

    Not okay right now

    ...And I'm struggling to find the words to express why. Completely overwhelmed by work and feeling so lonely. Had a minor meltdown in the office on Monday and landed up in floods of tears when a couple of colleagues wouldn't take no for an answer (they wanted to use my PC setup at a time of day when I really needed it).

    They're like kids in the playground, constantly shouting and laughing; it drives me loopy and I feel so guilty that I sometimes hate them for it. I try very hard to be kind, and I wish I was better at it.

    I just wish the internal background noise would stop, the constant chatter telling me that I'm worthless and I don't deserve to be alive. When will I be good enough to silence it? No matter what I do I can only focus on what I should have achieved but haven't.

    So tired, so very lonely, but people often don't get it or don't want to deal (understandable) so it's easiest just to pretend everything's great because at least some of the time I can fool myself it's true when it patently isn't.

    Argh. Sorry.
    __________________
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    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    1,633

    Re: Not okay right now

    Hi Blue,

    I don't really have anything profound to say, but I am sorry you are having a hard time. Please remember you are not worthless. I don't know you outside of the context of this forum, but I do know that you help a lot of people here and that is commendable. Certainly in "real life" you are just as kind and generous.

    Coworkers can be horrible, but please don't let them get you down. Is it possible for you to wear headphones while working?
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    6,410

    Re: Not okay right now

    I can wear headphones at least some of the time, but unfortunately I find them a bit uncomfortable when I'm already on edge. Wearing them also means that people can creep up on me, which tends to make me shoot through the ceiling

    Thanks for the kind words, they're really appreciated.
    __________________
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    8,145

    Re: Not okay right now

    I get it BlueIris.
    Firstly, you are not alone. In your feelings or being.
    Secondly, you are overwhelmed because you are human.
    You do a difficult job with challenges and do it very well.
    Not everyone will understand how you feel, how you work, your needs, your suffering. So you have to be your own therapist in a way. Understand the need to let go, to find some peace time, to even have a cry. Because it's all calming and that's what you sometimes need to do.
    You may feel lonely and isolated but that's your feelings. And it's because you think people don't understand you and many won't because we try to hide our struggles, our demons, our suffering.
    So don't feel bad for letting go of your emotions. Now you need to be kind to yourself and remind yourself how well you do everyday and if a person can't have a meltdown every now and then, they are not admitting their true feelings and being honest about how they really feel.
    It takes courage to admit your struggles. I admire you for that. x

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    6,410

    Re: Not okay right now

    Thanks, Carnation. Got a nice cup of green tea right now and I'm going to sit with the sadness for a little bit, accept it until it passes.
    __________________
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    8,145

    Re: Not okay right now

    Nothing like a cuppa BlueIris and a Green tea sounds just the job. Don't even worry about when the sadness will pass, it will of its own accord. You feel this way for reason and your mind is dealing with it. Some people force themselves to be happy, it doesn't work that way. Reflection time, maybe, some comforts? Definitely. Time to pass this feeling and a reminder that you are not alone and people that care! xx

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    6,410

    Re: Not okay right now

    You have no idea how much this helps, Carnation, I didn't realize how isolated I'd been feeling.
    __________________
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    15,476

    Re: Not okay right now

    Don't try and be kind to people who don't deserve your attention, Blue? You must put up with a lot of childish sh*t from your co-workers and sometimes it just gets too much so better out than in..

    i'm not sure what you wanted to achieve in life but to me you have achieved a lot and are in a strong and stable relationship which is worth far more than material cr*p. Don't let the b*ggers get you down

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    3,802

    Re: Not okay right now

    Hi Blue,

    Iím so sorry youíve been feeling like this lately. I donít want to make this about me too, but Iíve been feeling a little like that at work for the last few weeks too, and itís also really getting me down.

    I think I just wanted to say youíre not alone. Itís weird feeling lonely in a room full of people. Iím sorry that got upset, wish I could think of something amazing to say to make it all click into place for you.

    Hugs.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    8,145

    Re: Not okay right now

    Scass, you are such a lovely human being, its sad to hear you suffer in this way too.
    Can I just say something that Mr C says to me from time to time. "it's not you, its just the way some people are".
    This is to you too BlueIris.
    In other words, don't take the cr ap personally.
    You just happen to be there and there are always people like that somewhere.
    In the same breath, there's many kind and caring people too and thankfully we have here to come when we feel we are suffering just a bit too much!

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