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Thread: Not okay right now

  1. #21
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    Nov 2018
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    Re: Not okay right now

    One of my self-care apps reminds me to do one bold thing every day.

    A couple of hundred yards from the college (if that) there's this incredible charcoal grill place that I've been to a couple of times before. I go with a colleague, though, because I'm always both the only woman and the only white person there. They're perfectly friendly, it's just my social anxiety.

    Today, I decided I was strong enough to do something nice for myself and went and fetched some kofte and some chicken wings with a fresh naan to take back to the college canteen. Beautiful quality, all cooked fresh in front of me (not a phobia, I just resent eating out at places where they reheat food) and £6 including salad and grilled tomatoes. It was lovely, and I have to admit it's really helped perk me up.
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  2. #22
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Not okay right now

    That's great! Well done for doing something which has made you happy and brought you pleasure! Every little helps to get you through the day when things are challenging.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    10,624

    Re: Not okay right now

    Sorry BlueIris but I'm salivating over your lunch menu while I hope I can magic up dinner tonight.
    I also try to do something bold / fearful every day. If I remember.
    Well done in getting through today, you are on the home stretch now.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
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    1,492

    Re: Not okay right now

    I haven’t been on much lately, logged on today and saw this post.

    We all get down and out sometimes BI. I deal with a lot of cr*p at work too, and shoddy coworkers that like to pass their work off to me for some reason. I get it 100%. I truly have had to train myself to leave it all at the door of my office. When I get in my car at the end of the day I try hard to not think about work anymore. Doesn’t always work, lol. But I try.

    You help SO MANY people on this forum, with far more patience than I can muster. You’re a beautiful example of a human being with their own struggles, that still tries to push that aside and help others. Don’t ever doubt your worth And well done for coming here and venting, seeking support. That’s one of the best parts of this forum.

  5. #25
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    Nov 2018
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    Re: Not okay right now

    Thanks, Glassgirl. You're one of the people on the forum I aspire to be like, you know that?

    Last night I was rostered in to work late on my own. Was hyperfocused on an important project that's one day off deadline, so I barely noticed a colleague had left her vaping equipment out.

    She WhatsApped me to check later on when I was home, and was furious because I hadn't put it away for her. I so wanted to point out that she'd left it behind in the first place...

    Almost the weekend, though. Will finish early today and get back home for some downtime. Hope you're doing okay.
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  6. #26
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    May 2021
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    2,736

    Re: Not okay right now

    That is most definitely her problem and she needs to take responsibility for it. What would I have done? I'm actually working on kind of similar stuff myself, predominantly someone is coming back into our department that I previously have had problems with I.e. she has this ability to make me do work things that I don't have time to do and don't actually want to do. I must say she has already started this and isn't actually back yet.

    So I'm working on saying no and passing the responsibility back to her and most importantly, not feeling bad about it. So with that in mind my ideal reply would be along the lines of 'Oh no, I had no idea you'd left it there, I was so busy, I didn't have a moment to myself. Maybe you could keep putting it back in your bag after you've used it and then you won't forget it'.

    In reality, of course, I'd have probably got in a right mood and been upset by her message and then gone round the house ranting about it. As I said I'm working on it.

  7. #27
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Not okay right now

    Amazing what some people think they can get away with..Whatever happened to being responsible for your own mistakes/lapses?

    I think it's the "not feeling bad" about standing up for yourself which is the tricky bit for most of us here though? Office politics must be a nightmare..

    I can stand up for myself but then worry about whether I've been unreasonable etc. My daughter gets really stressed out if I challenge people when I need to (I think she thinks I could get attacked physically by them) so I'm trying to show her that being assertive but fair is ok.

  8. #28
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    May 2014
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    10,624

    Re: Not okay right now

    I think we all have to remember that most of the time the problem is with the other people and not ourselves and we just happen to be in the firing line or an easy target because we are quiet, easy going, caring or accommodating. It's not easy to say "NO" or assert your feelings when you are any of those. So we do the best we can and sometimes suffer the backlash of someone else's problems or attitudes.
    We have to remember that no one is going to think any less of us by saying "NO" are expressing how we feel. It's more likely that the person in question would have more admiration and think twice about a repeat reaction. But what we do is suffer in silence and carry the baggage of being uncomfortable and unhappy. Let's face it, if we were to express our true thoughts and feelings then we wouldn't be losing anything but gaining our self respect.
    As Pulisa has already said, "being assertive but fair".

  9. #29
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    Nov 2018
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    Re: Not okay right now

    Have just finished my part of a big (DFE-recognised) cross-college project I've been helping on for the past couple of months. Feeling proud, relieved and exhausted in equal measure, and honestly kind of in need of another cry. Finishing work for the dat in less than an hour, though, so I only need to make it as far as the bus.
    __________________
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    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  10. #30
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    10,624

    Re: Not okay right now

    Focus on the proudness BlueIris and if you shed a tear or two, then that's just relieving your emotions and is actually the bodies response of naturally calming.

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