Lonely, Isolated and very low in mood

[Carnation]

I see you have some good advice from others HW.
For the record I've never taken meds but I wouldn't say not take them. It's a personal choice and only you will know whether to go down that road.
Family? My advice would be to severe the ties completely. You are never going to feel the self care thing if you have all on sundry battering you emotionally.
I don't speak to any of my mum's family since her passing. My partner doesn't communicate with his brother and family. And any so-called friends that are only that by name would probably fizzle out if you were to stop making the effort. This all sounds very sad and it is, but you need to concentrate on you and put yourself first.
Self care / loving yourself isn't just about looking in the mirror and admiring what you see or being proud. It's also about making life decisions and cutting away any negativity and that very much includes the people that give you that feeling. Maybe make some gradual changes and see how you feel. Learn to say "No" and not feel guilty. You have a therapist so you are already on the right path.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Thank you for your validation and understanding, that’s exactly how I feel emotionally and mentally under the cosh. My mum wanted me isolated as she cut ties with everyone who stayed in contact with me and now they are all reconnected they are staying away from me as much as they can as I believe they have received the message from my mam that if they have a relationship with me they can’t have one with her. I feel abandoned, isolated and used by so many people and it’s so easy to internalise other peoples behaviours as it makes me feel there is something fundamentally wrong with me x

[BlueIris]

Seriously, time to either go very low contact or sever ties entirely. My parents are (mostly) reformed abusers. I love them and I don't want them to leave this world thinking otherwise, but every now and again I still need to put them in unofficial timeout for the sake of my sanity.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Thank you Carnation, it is all very sad, well done to you for taking the steps to a peaceful life. I know it’s not easy.
I feel invisible and guess I always have been, my mum is a narcissist and very powerful and my dad is very selfish and full of self importance-he even proposed tI his girlfriend on my wedding day during the father of the bride speech! x

[pulisa]

I know they are your parents and share your DNA but that's about it in terms of what they have given you apart from a lifetime of sh*te. It's really sad but you don't need or want them in your life.

[Catkins]

HW - I haven't seen my dad for over 20 years now. We used to exchange Christmas cards and I used to send my half-brother Christmas gifts and he did to my son, but that stopped when they turned 18 (my step brother is only a little older than my son).

We had a couple of WhatsApp messages last year after my mum died. But that's it.

Too much had happened when my brother and I were growing up and he wasn't prepared to discuss it and didn't demonstrate any desire to be part of our lives other than the cards etc.

It was difficult letting go of how I thought a father should be, but to be honest once I did I felt so much better. I don't see any of my dads side of the family, but that's OK with me now.

Sometimes the pain that is caused by family really isn't worth the time and energy we put into it.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Thank you all for your support it is so appreciated. I’m taking each day as it comes and do hope this dark cloud does shift. I feel in emotional pain with nowhere to turn at the minute (apart from here, my go and therapist). I’m just so tired of struggling and feel sad I’m left with this pain and the people who are meant to love me and create a safe space aren’t there. It’s been a tough night tonight and my heart goes out to all fellow sufferers x

[VictorR]

Hang in there buddy.