Lonely, Isolated and very low in mood

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Hi,

I’m reaching out for some support as I very much lack this in reality.

I’ve led a complexed life since being born, my mum was severely emotionally abusive, my dad abandoned me and my maternal and paternal family didn’t protect me and as an adult I now know I was brought up in a very toxic environment.

I have since re-connected with my dad but he is a horribly selfish man who isn’t really there for me. The other month I had an uninvited phone call off him on my daughters birthday dumping all his baggage onto me about his current relationship, he was very angry and I did not like the way he spoke me so I gave him a wide berth for a while he now ignores me. I am estranged from my mum who has turned my siblings against me and have received in the past horrific verbal abuse from them all with most of what they are calling me to be untrue. My extended maternal family have sometimes offered support but this was very inconsistent and is now non-existent as they also maintain a relationship with my mum.
I have a strained relationship with my eldest daughter as she has stolen money from us and as much as I try and support her it feels like she can’t get her life in order and I struggle to carry on supporting her. I am currently left paying for a university house that she has now left and I am tied in until July if this year at over £500 a month. My nanna has had a go at me saying I don’t help my daughter and she only went to university because I forced her which is untrue. Yet she sits back and watches my wider family treat me terrible yet says nothing.
My stepmam supports me when she feels like it and only when I am presenting as ok but not when I really need it, at that point she backs away despite working in the mental health profession. My youngest daughter is having some health and emotional issues at the moment.
My husband who is not my childrens father has told me to not let everything bother me and that he is tired so he’s not available for support either. I have a high stress job and am also finishing a four year studying course and feel on my knees. I feel I have no-one and am feeling lonely, isolated and scared that I don’t want to be here anymore, although I must add I have no intention of harming myself. I feel I have no-one and nowhere to turn, people barely check in on me but get in touch when they want something, my husband doesn’t want me to feel or be impacted by my current circumstances but still wants me to be present for him each day, smile and be affectionate. I really don’t want to go on medication as this will just put a plaster on my issues. I am in therapy and doing everything I can self care wise but nothing is working, as the stones people are throwing from everyone just keep coming. I disengage to protect myself then the loneliness arrives, it’s a vicious circle and a very black hole.
I’m in severe emotional pain and I don’t know how to ease it x

[BlueIris]

So much to unpack here, and I think we have a few things in common. So, the first thing I can do is summon up all the love and positive vibes I can and send them in your direction. Please never doubt your own inner beauty or worth as a person. You've achieved so much, but even if you hadn't it would be okay.

Next, the meds thing. This is something that left me struggling for years - like you, I thought they were just a sticking plaster. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realise that yes, this is exactly what they are. A sticking plaster is a protective barrier that gives the wounds underneath the time to heal. For me, at least, my ADs fulfil the same purpose - they put a barrier in place that gives me the breathing space to heal my wounds with self-care and coping strategies. It's not for everyone and I'd never judge if it wasn't for you, but I'd urge you to consider it because of the huge change it's made in my life.

People can be awful, or sometimes just thoughtless. This is why you need to learn to say no and not fear the consequences. I wish I could offer more advice on this one, but I'm still learning myself.

In the meantime, please know that I and others here care and will do what we're able to help out.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Thank you for your response and support it truly means the world right now.
I really understand your point about meds but I’ve been there and although they certainly helped, they really didn’t cure in the long run. I think I know I needs to stay with this pain and sadness but also not be proud to reach out for support on here as it’s definitely not here in my actual life. I’m just tired of being resourceful in getting my needs met and feel sad that people aren’t there.
I heard such a sad story this week and it has really impacted me where the women who list her octuplets has died and she is having a paupers funeral with her family refusing to attend. Nobody is going to attend her ending and nobody is going to grieve for her - she went through such trauma and regardless of how this affected her behaviour her family feel she doesn’t deserve a send off with love - it has really resonated with me. I get scared that’s going to be me and it feels cold, lonely, sad and unfair x

[BlueIris]

What's your support network like in general? Do you have friends or more distant family?

I know it's tough, but try to stay away from news stories that upset you. Anxious minds are very likely to overidentify.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

I have three “close” friends one has recently lost her mum, one is quite cold and another lives away and struggles with daily pain due to injury. They aren’t really there for me and never check in - I have to reach out to them which I do but can’t always rely that they will be there for me. I don’t feel I have a troop around me that is consistent but there are people who are sometimes there. I don’t really have distant family who I feel are there or I have a connection with or who feel safe enough to support me. My cousins don’t tend to like me as they feel my nanna favoured me over them which has some truth as my nanna had to look after me when my mum was incapable or didn’t want to so there’s resentment towards me within the family particularly one cousin who is particularly dismissive of me. The world feels unsafe and scary right now x

[BlueIris]

Would it be worth checking in with your GP to let them know you're having a bit of a rough time at the moment?

[Sar89]

Hey worrier. So there’s a lot to digest in your post. First of all I agree with blueiris. Definitely some ADs I know you said you have tried them in the past but that is what they are there for a crutch whilst you fix the real problems. I think you should engage in some talking therapy also like seeing a counsellor for some chats I think you would benefit from that. Now In regards to you family situation. I seem a very different person to you and my advice to you would be (if you can) cut off everyone who brings any negative feelings to you. It doesn’t matter if they are family. What is family but some mutual dna 🤷🏻*♀️ Having shared dna doesn’t mean you should saddle yourself with people who you don’t like or who don’t like you. I haven’t spoke to my brother for over a year because quite frankly he’s a dick. And you know what I feel fantastic for it. My mother is very toxic and I have cut her off several times for years and she has learned some boundaries with me now. That’s my suggestions. Block them all. Just think you are coming to end of your studies so that’s one stress down. Now the high stress job …. Life is short. Do you even like this job is it worth the stress it brings ? Is changing it an option? X

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Hi, thank you both for your replies. I am seeing my therapist next week so in the meantime I’m going to keep practicing self care and if my emotional state doesn’t improve I am going to go to the Drs.
I have reduced my hours at work which starts the beginning of March which may give me some space to rest and recover.
I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel and how much more people expect me to take x

[Sar89]

Hi, I do think a trip to doctors is a very good idea! People in this life can always be cruel perhaps without always meaning to be so. I find I am one of those people. However some people are just mean because they quite frankly enjoy it. You don’t have to take anything worrior. People can only treat them how YOU allow them. Time to look after number 1 in your case I think x

[pulisa]

I think that there's a limit to how much "self care" can offer when you are obviously under the mental cosh from all angles, Worrier and surrounded by toxic people who belittle and isolate you.

It's ok if the circumstances are there but it sounds to me as if you are on a treadmill struggling to get through each day with no chance of any respite or emotional support?

I agree with Sar..Make a GP appointment and talk about your situation and how bad it makes you feel..quite naturally. Put yourself first for a change? x