I need some advice...

[sleepylea]

I *think* I am understanding what I am going through with my ptsd. But since things have calmed down at home, my parter has developed a social anxiety.

He wont come to the place where I work (there are so many nice people who he would hit it off with straight away), he has always said he wants new friends. He doesnt go out of the house once he comes back from work, and he doesnt even go to the shop for milk.

He finally admitted to me last night that he feels he has lapsed back to how he was before he met me, and he is constantly looking over his shoulder and worrying about who is around him. Although that did slightly crush me, I am more concerned as to how I help him through it. I dont want to ignore the problem, but I dont want to push him either. Any advice as to how I can help get him back to going out?

Thanks alot
Lea
x

[Lilith1980]

Is he feeling anxious in any social situation?

Although I suffer with social anxiety to a certain degree, I'm not sure what to suggest. There are times that I dont want to go out as seeing people (even ones I know) fills me with dread. In the end, I literally force myself to go out - I'll be leaving the house and still feel apprehensive and still want to shut myself away but I do it.

Could you and your boyfriend do things together that are outside but not round so many people to start with. Like maybe go for a walk in the park where there are people but not so many?

xxx

[Joe1981]

Take small steps.

But what ever you do dont stay in the house all the time! Things will only get worse. Going for walks is a great start! First try 5 mins, then 10 mins, etc.. stay out as long as you can before you start to panic then go back inside for a bit and regroup then head back out for another trip.

It wont be easy but take small steps.. Heres a quote for u to read;

"Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs"

Just do a little at a time! Take care and good luck..

[sleepylea]

Thanks so much for the advice. I have suggested that we spend some quality time together this weekend and maybe go for a walk. He seems quite up for it, but the last thung I am going to do is push him.

Keep your fingers crossed, and I will let you knw how we get on!

[Bill]

Encouragement, praise and reward.

As you say, if we push, people dig their heels in. If you encourage him by saying you'd really like him to then make sure you praise him for making the effort, you can also then think up a good reward like saying you'll cook his favourite dinner or buy him something he loves as a treat to show your appreciation for his efforts.

A woman can normally find a way to work around a man....they say!

[sleepylea]

LOL Your right there Bill! Us women do have a knack of finding the right welll done present!

I was so proud of him last night. I was sat at work eating my dinner, and in walks the other half! I was so excited I ran up to him and jumped into his arms (totally forgot about my grub!)! Ok, I may have gone a little over the top, but I was soooo pleased and excited to see him! All the customers were saying why dont we get hellos like this and thats when I finally got to introduce my boyfriend! I am sure everyone thought I was making him up! He stayed for a good hour, then went home. I am so proud of him though. It must have scared the life out of him. Oh and I wont forget to give him praise when I see him tonight! Thanks everyone! You have all been great!

Lea
xXxXx

[Nibbles]

A big well done to both of you Lea, I'm so pleased things went well and I'm sure you're going to be fine.