Hi, short bit of a long story. I've had severe GAD, Health and Social Anxiety all my life. I was bullied at primary school, scared to go out, hated being around people, secondary school the bullying got violent and worse, I took it for a year or so then was too scared to go out and dropped out. I had a childhood full of fear as well, my dad was majorly ill scary things happened with him, he died when I was 8, then my granddad, my nana was ill for years and I looked after her til she died.
I was in a very unhappy relationship wasted too many years there. My mum was diagnosed with Primary Progressive MS in 2012. I had a few jobs over the years but could never keep them up with the anxiety being so high. I've been on medication, Citalopram which just numbed me, Mirtazapine which put a load of weight on. I don't take anything now. I've had CBT before twice and counselling.
I was at my second from last job for near two years, then the bullying there got a lot worse from staff, I ended up in a relationship with someone from work and the horrible people there tried splitting us up. Then I went off sick with a physical issue. I tried to get another job with an agency but it didn't last long and then they gave me no more shifts, it was where my partner works. During that time I felt so ill I knew there was something wrong, eventually had tests at the doctors and I was diagnosed with Diabetes type 2 last March. My partner has had to shoulder all the financial costs and he's not on a great wage, after being on Job Seekers allowance years ago I was too scared to apply for benefits again, so we've struggled a lot. Our dog got ill and had to go to the specialist have his eye removed, now he has to go back regularly and is on lifetime medication twice daily. Our other dog fell down the stairs last year and it took him so long to get his legs and walking back, back and forth to the vets. Other family members health was a real issue and such a worry too.
Then me and my partner got Covid last year, he was bad with it but I ended up worse, spent a week in hospital. Have long Covid currently, my chest is still recovering, which limits what I can do and how much. My partner then had to have a load of tests which was so stressful as well. We both are on medication for high blood pressure as well.
Now everything is going up and we're sinking fast with money. I've applied for Universal Credit, and a family friend has told me to get a sick note from the doctors, I have an appointment on Thursday on the phone, but I don't know about getting a sick note, is it the right thing to do? Should I just apply for jobs and try and force myself to get one? Another thing that worries me there is me and my partner want kids, we've been trying, and I do want a family, I'm not against adopting as well but if I get a sick note for anxiety depression would this go against me if I wanted to adopt?
I don't know what to do in regards to this, to keep the appointment or cancel for now?
On top of everything my father in law died this week, unexpectedly and myself and my partner are struggling so much with it, devastated and so upset. We will be going up to the funeral and will be away from home so I'm worried about Covid too, I've put off getting the vaccination, but I was brave and forced myself to get the my first vaccination jab weekend just gone, my partner too.
I barely leave the house at the moment. Sometimes to the shops but that's about it. My anxiety is through the roof right now as everything is overwhelming me at once, and it's gone up even more since all this energy increases and my father in law dying as well. I just don't know what to do, I'm lost and can't think straight, I'm constantly panicked with what I should do but I don't know, I feel like I'm sinking fast. I feel like such a let down and useless to my partner as well, he works full time and we shouldn't be struggling like we are because of me and not having any money. He's not been able to take any time off this week because we can't afford it. The guilt I always feel there is immense. I'm always trying to find work online, but other than jobs for pennies I can't find anything. I just want to make life better for my family, so we don't miss spending time with any other family members as well. I just really don't know what to do.
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