Anxiety gotten really bad

[Matthew1233]

Hi

My anxiety has gotten really bad lately. It's a weird one though. I have these (obsessive? not sure) thoughts whereby my friend hates me. I don't think he does as I see him a lot but the other day he was joking around with me poking fun at my anxiety and thoughts, which usually don't bother me but this time I got really emotional about it and started to cry in front of him and he hasn't replied to my messages since, I'm now worried my thoughts will be a reality and I don't know what to do I don't want to lose him as a friend, he's only real friend I have and I've lost close friends in the past. I'm just getting really anxious and don't know what to do. I do think I'm clingy. Not sure if I would be able to cope if i lost him as a friend, seriously

P.S I know I post a lot about things some silly, but this is seriously one that I'm struggling with have been for a while

[BlueIris]

Hey, you!

I've lost close friends to my anxiety before, and it sucks. I was clingy, panicky, needy and generally a nuisance, and I got ghosted by people I thought I loved. It's horrendous, but it's also a learning curve - don't beat yourself up about it if the worst has happened. It's not your fault you're not well and that some people can't cope with that.

That said, there's no need to assume the worst quite yet. Give it a week or so, then let your inner robot take control when you send a message. It's important to sound sane and in control even if you don't feel it; as we both know, crazy is off-putting. You know your friend best, either apologise, ask if he's okay or if he wants to hang out, anything that sounds casual and considerate. If he's a real friend, he'll respond.

In the meantime, start working out ways of finding new friends - this is healthy whether or not things work out. Are there hobby groups or online communities you can join? Are you in school, college or work? Making new friends is tough but not impossible, and you don't want to be investing all your energies in one person.

Finally, the really good people will stick around. A few years back, a very close online friend had a baby and I was quietly petrified I'd lose the person I'd spoken to every day for ten years. I spent months feeling sick at the thought of it, but I kept my cool, was supportive and cheered her on like the decent human being I try to be. Guess what? We still talk pretty much every day.

You can do this, and you'll survive either way. Sending love and good wishes.

[Matthew1233]

Hey, you!

I've lost close friends to my anxiety before, and it sucks. I was clingy, panicky, needy and generally a nuisance, and I got ghosted by people I thought I loved. It's horrendous, but it's also a learning curve - don't beat yourself up about it if the worst has happened. It's not your fault you're not well and that some people can't cope with that.

That said, there's no need to assume the worst quite yet. Give it a week or so, then let your inner robot take control when you send a message. It's important to sound sane and in control even if you don't feel it; as we both know, crazy is off-putting. You know your friend best, either apologise, ask if he's okay or if he wants to hang out, anything that sounds casual and considerate. If he's a real friend, he'll respond.

In the meantime, start working out ways of finding new friends - this is healthy whether or not things work out. Are there hobby groups or online communities you can join? Are you in school, college or work? Making new friends is tough but not impossible, and you don't want to be investing all your energies in one person.

Finally, the really good people will stick around. A few years back, a very close online friend had a baby and I was quietly petrified I'd lose the person I'd spoken to every day for ten years. I spent months feeling sick at the thought of it, but I kept my cool, was supportive and cheered her on like the decent human being I try to be. Guess what? We still talk pretty much every day.

You can do this, and you'll survive either way. Sending love and good wishes.

Thank you I have sent you a PM

[BlueIris]

Replied

[MyNameIsTerry]

Matthew,

I think maybe consider this a different way:

1) he thinks he's upset you and is afraid to contact you.
2) it has hit him just how bad mental health problems can affect people and may have looked at his past approach and concluded he has done it wrong.
3) he might not know how to deal with it. He will want to help but unless he understands anxiety it will be alien to him. It's like when someone tells you they've lost a loved one and you just don't know what to say.

I don't think you will know without having that chat but I think it's entirely possible he's thinking about what an insensitive person he has been when he joked about your anxiety. You might be fine with that, humour is how a lot of us cope and men tend to take the piss out of each other as a laugh. He might actually need your reassurance it is ok to do this.

Before my anxiety I used to say negative things about other managers at work who went off with stress. They had less stressful workstreams than some of us. Then I had a breakdown and realised my ignorance. If anxiety hits you much smaller things become mountainous. I realised what an idiot I had been and felt ashamed about my past feeling a towards others.

It's natural you are worried. Like Blue I've lost friends, in lost them all actually, but that was because I hid myself away from the world. It wasn't their fault. Also I couldn't do the things they did any more and recover.

Your friend might respond if you reach out to explain it's ok. Then he will know you aren't upset with him.

[Matthew1233]

Matthew,

I think maybe consider this a different way:

1) he thinks he's upset you and is afraid to contact you.
2) it has hit him just how bad mental health problems can affect people and may have looked at his past approach and concluded he has done it wrong.
3) he might not know how to deal with it. He will want to help but unless he understands anxiety it will be alien to him. It's like when someone tells you they've lost a loved one and you just don't know what to say.

I don't think you will know without having that chat but I think it's entirely possible he's thinking about what an insensitive person he has been when he joked about your anxiety. You might be fine with that, humour is how a lot of us cope and men tend to take the piss out of each other as a laugh. He might actually need your reassurance it is ok to do this.

Before my anxiety I used to say negative things about other managers at work who went off with stress. They had less stressful workstreams than some of us. Then I had a breakdown and realised my ignorance. If anxiety hits you much smaller things become mountainous. I realised what an idiot I had been and felt ashamed about my past feeling a towards others.

It's natural you are worried. Like Blue I've lost friends, in lost them all actually, but that was because I hid myself away from the world. It wasn't their fault. Also I couldn't do the things they did any more and recover.

Your friend might respond if you reach out to explain it's ok. Then he will know you aren't upset with him.

Thank you, I am currently messaging BlueIris about it, but I appreciate your comments and think you could be right/

[Matthew1233]

I think this entire anxiety ridden dilemma I am boils down to the fact I am afraid of losing the friend that I have and becoming lonely (which is the worst thing in the world). Also maybe I am jealous of when he is with another friend, does that make me have controlling behaviour, because I hope I don't and the thought of that terrifies me.

[Matthew1233]

Replied

I sent another DM