Diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis today - terrified about starting methotrexate
I was diagnosed with PsA today. The diagnosis itself wasn't a shock as I've had sausage toes and fingers for a few months and it impacted my walking, bad shoulder and elbow pain to the point I couldn't lift or bend my arm and I have had psoriasis since I was a kid. I am 29 now and for the last 6 years, my psoriasis has been constant whereas when I was a kid, it would go away for a while or calm down at least.
My podiatrist referred me urgently to the rheumatologist and I had my first appt today. I was lucky to wait less than a month for an appt. I was sent for methoxtrexate screening blood work and also a chest x ray and was told if all those come back fine, my GP will call me within a few days/a week to discuss starting methotrexate. Methotrexate was the only med I was really offered today. She said instantly that biologics aren't recommended for my mental health history (I have BPD, OCD, CPTSD and have had psychotic episodes in the past, albeit very rarely) and biologics can make those conditions worse, or so I think. I can't remember the exact reason she gave, I had so much to take in at the appt today. My MH troubles mostly stem from trauma and anxiety based conditions. I have anxiety about everything but especially about death and my health. My dad died suddenly 5 months ago and all my conditions, mental and physical have just nose dived since. I have anxiety about taking meds. For years I wouldn't even take paracetamol because I was scared of side effects. Now I can take them and Naproxen (what I have been treated my joint pain with so far) fine.
You can imagine the anxiety I have about starting a medication as serious as methotrexate then! Even have anxiety about all the blood work and scans I have had done. I always think I am going to get a call out the blue saying they have found a tumour or something bad. Again, this is no doubt fuelled by losing my dad recently and also 3 other loved ones suddenly dying in the last 2 years. I am trying my best to not over Google or read into side effects and I have my next CPN appt coming up soon so will discuss with my nurse more ways to try and calm and control my health anxieties because I know I need to at least give this medicine a try especially if I want to be able to walk. The pain in my foot is horrendous at times. It makes me feel sick and it throbs.
Just looking for any advice or a shoulder to cry on. Its been a lot to take in and part of me was in denial even when the ultrasound showed the arthritis a month ago and I was in denial that I would have to take serious meds for arthritis and kept telling myself maybe I could be ok with just painkillers despite seeing family members crippled with arthritis. Just feels like it has been one thing after another tbh.
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C-PTSD (Complex Trauma), OCD, Panic Disorder, GAD
"Save your sympathy for someone else. I don't need it or want it. What you call a panic attack is merely a few normal chemicals that are temporarily out of place in my brain. It is of no significance whatsoever to me!"
"Recovery always lies ahead - however painful the moment"
"Recovery lies in the places and experiences you avoid"
Dr Claire Weekes.