I have been purposefully not thinking about it and have done surprisingly well at not being distracted by it. However, surgery is tomorrow late morning and I don’t have the luxury of just forgetting about it anymore. Needless to say it has been an unproductive day. I need to have hernia repair and hydrocele removed. Combined I am looking at 1.5 hours under give or take. I am not worried about the pain afterward. I am worried about making it to the afterward part. Lol. I have had surgery before but one of those times it didn’t go well for me and I was in the hospital for a bit afterward and it was literally touch and go for a bit. I had surgery a few years after that and it went fine but the incident that went bad on me really messed me up with future surgeries. I am really worried about it and am not sure how I am gonna get myself through the door.
The most messed up part is within the last two weeks, without me looking for it, I have heard three stories regarding bad surgeries. One my buddy told me about his friend who had an emergency when the doctor nicked an artery or something like that. Then a few days after that I read about a wrestler I used to watch when I was a kid who died in surgery and then yesterday a news article popped up in my news app about a nurse who is on trial for accidentally giving a patient a paralytic instead of versed. Left the patient brain dead and eventually died. It is freaking me out. I literally hear or read nothing about surgery ever and then when I finally commit to having it I hear these stories. I feel like I am ignoring all these signs flashing in my face saying don’t do it.
My wife has been awesome at helping me through all this and I keep my game face on for my kids so they don’t worry but I am freaking out on the inside.
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