Keep checking breast, how to break to cycle

[WorriedOlive]

Hi

Just wondered if anyone could share some wisdom/advice. I have health anxiety and go through phases where it’s more intense. I’ve been having an ongoing fear of developing breast cancer and always seem to find something on my monthly breast exam. I end up at the GP almost every month to be told I’m feeling normal lumps, my ribs, or muscular structure underneath. I have very little breast tissue so laying down I can feel straight through to my body.

The bit I seem to constantly fixate on is the bit next to your armpit where the pectoral muscle goes across your body. I feel like I can feel a lump but when I lay down to stretch the tissue out more it feels like it’s actually just a large hard muscle and I’m picking up bits of it with my fingertips when not laying down.

I just can’t work out how you’re suppose to tell normal bits of structure underneath and lumps that shouldn’t be there. The area this bit is in was felt by the GP 3 weeks ago and I was told she couldn’t feel any lumps, so I really don’t fancy going back to ask her to check again. The last thing I need is being sent for a referral just because I keep nagging the GP

At the moment my checking is obsessive, I’ve felt around the area so much it’s really hurting and slightly bruised. I’m not sure how to stop this ‘I’ll just check one more time’ mentality.

[emmamoore7]

Hey!

Oh my goodness! I could have written this myself! I’m currently sitting here with an ice pack under my arm because the prodding and poking has got out of control in that exact area. I’ve driven myself so mad I’ve booked a doctors appointment. I believe this is a gland because the same area swelled huge every time I had the covid vaccine & I was right on my bra line so really uncomfortable. Did you have the vaccine? Maybe the same gland is enlarged because of it?

I’ve promised my friends and family I won’t poke around anymore but it’s an ongoing battle!

FYI hot and cold is helping the pain.
X

[NoraB]

I just can’t work out how you’re suppose to tell normal bits of structure underneath and lumps that shouldn’t be there.

No, but your GP can..

The area this bit is in was felt by the GP 3 weeks ago and I was told she couldn’t feel any lumps, so I really don’t fancy going back to ask her to check again.

There you go. Your GP couldn't feel anything but you have health anxiety and so you're not reassured. Or you might have been reassured for a few hours that day only for the fear to sucker punch you again the moment you checked yourself, right?

The last thing I need is being sent for a referral just because I keep nagging the GP

If an examination doesn't reassure you then a referral is your only other option. The problem being that it will add to your anxiety and from the second you hear your GP say that she's referring you. Your brain knows it's because this is the only option left to reassure you but your HA mind will twist this around nicely to 'she's felt the lump, that's why she's referring me. I'm a gonna'.

At the moment my checking is obsessive, I’ve felt around the area so much it’s really hurting and slightly bruised. I’m not sure how to stop this ‘I’ll just check one more time’ mentality.

This is the problem with constant checking. You've prodded yourself that much that you're now sore and bruising suggests you're giving yourself a fair old prodding too. Your HA mind will use that because now you have pain too. What if it isn't from me poking myself. What if the pain was there already? Somebody on another thread said. "Anxiety is a strange beast" and I couldn't agree more!

What would it take to reassure you that you're ok?

[WorriedOlive]

No, but your GP can..



There you go. Your GP couldn't feel anything but you have health anxiety and so you're not reassured. Or you might have been reassured for a few hours that day only for the fear to sucker punch you again the moment you checked yourself, right?



If an examination doesn't reassure you then a referral is your only other option. The problem being that it will add to your anxiety and from the second you hear your GP say that she's referring you. Your brain knows it's because this is the only option left to reassure you but your HA mind will twist this around nicely to 'she's felt the lump, that's why she's referring me. I'm a gonna'.



This is the problem with constant checking. You've prodded yourself that much that you're now sore and bruising suggests you're giving yourself a fair old prodding too. Your HA mind will use that because now you have pain too. What if it isn't from me poking myself. What if the pain was there already? Somebody on another thread said. "Anxiety is a strange beast" and I couldn't agree more!

What would it take to reassure you that you're ok?

Others seem to be able to tell too, I got my husband to feel what I’m feeling and he said that’s ‘quite clearly my body’ that I’m feeling, as in he thinks I’m pushing down to the muscle/ribs.

I think the problem I’m having with breast cancer fears is that I could be checked one month by a GP, feel reassured but then when it comes to the next months self check, I’m worried something could have developed since the GP examined me. The monthly check thing makes it seem like it develops fast.

[bobby84]

I have been here, quite badly, before. After my DD was born a few years ago, I had terrible health anxiety regarding my breasts. I had a lot of breast changes due to breast feeding but my 'rational' mind wasn't able to accept these changes and thought they were sinister. This lead to constant checking and finding so, so, so many things (all breast related) over a period of 1.5 years to fixate on. It was exhausting and in hindsight, spoilt the wonderful time I should have spent with DD opposed to worrying about my breasts. I had 4 scans and countless GP appointments to address this. Have a look through my posts on here, you can read through some of these and the wonderful support / advice I had from Pulisa and Carys.

I have also had moments of panic regarding bumpiness under my armpits. I have small lumps and huge hard bits. Under your arms we have lymph nodes which feel like wobbly little beans. I feel them. There is also a fan shaped muscle under your breast (pectoral? I forget the name) which can feel prominent near your armpit. I feel this too. I also feel my rib cage. If I self examine my breast now, I feel all sorts in that area but I guess the difference is I know this is normal for me. Have you tried doing a breast exam lying down? I always found this way more reassuring as I don't feel anywhere near as much as when I am sat up. On my 4th exam with the breast consultant, I paid attention to how she examined me. She had a light touch. Me, I am properly jabbing my fingers into my poor breasts to search for lumps. The difference with my GP appointments was they usually could feel / see stuff and my consultants / scans disagreed. Your GP cant feel anything - this is very very good.

The good news is I have it under control (I check every night in the bath with soap as part of general washing but not obsessively like before). I check lying down / in the mirror once a month unlike the countless times daily before. This works for me even though I can see this is more than most.

My advice would be 1. don't press so hard you bruise yourself, anything sinister would present itself without needing to do that 2. trust the GP - if they cant feel anything, trust them as they are the experts 3. get to know your breasts, I feel so much better finally knowing what my normal is 4. take a deep breath. Breast cancer is so treatable now that even if something was to pop up, they can treat it very well these days.

Feel free to message me, this is just a brief summary of my breast 'woes' but I hope you can use me as an example of someone that has managed to 'break the cycle' and get it under control x

[Spider64]

This sounds like me too sadly. I’ve been to hospital few months back has mammogram and full check to find all clear but I’m still worried sick about sensations I get in my breast. I also get pain through nipple up into underarm but now been referred back as GP wants me rechecked due to nipple change. Feel I’ll and sore constantly checking myself. Hopefully will hear soon!