Terrified that there’s something wrong with my heart

[NoraB]

I never thought of actually moving around. If it happens again tonight I’ll do that. But I’m really hoping it doesn’t.

Instead of fearing that it will happen, think of it in a different way. I had severe insomnia when I was unwell with HA and I was up at all hours. This means that I saw some glorious sunrises. I still have disturbed nights but they no longer bother me. In winter, if I have to get up and it's dark, I watch those 'Walking With' programmes or relaxation videos on YouTube. They're very calming and even if I don't doze off they do help with the anxiety. Or I do a bit of light cleaning. So I no longer fear not being able to sleep. I have a plan, see. And there are those sunrises which are spectacular as we live opposite moors. So tell yourself that it doesn't matter if you can't sleep (and you might find that you do)

The brain is listening see. You telling yourself things like, 'I hope I don't have a bad night tonight' sends signals to your brain that sleep = danger and this is why this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So do the reverse. Let your brain know that there's no danger. If you sleep, you sleep. If you don't? So what.

I’ve tried to nap today during the day

Try to avoid this, no matter how tired you are.

but I keep getting the adrenaline feeling in stomach and sometimes the sinking feeling in my chest. These things really scare me, but I really think that the sinking feeling might get worse when I focus on it. Which I think is a good sign that it could be anxiety.

All normal symptoms/sensations of the fight or flight response and if you think about long enough you will recognise these from times you've felt excited too. You must have had that 'butterflies' feeling in your tummy? It's adrenaline. It happens when we're fearful, excited or a combination of both..

I spoke with my doctor today and she’s going to send me for blood work and an ECG, I explained the anxiety and the sensation I’ve been getting and she gave me Ativan to try. But I’m afraid to take those.

Blood work and the ECG should reassure you that your heart is in good working order. Once you get the all clear, you need to work on the anxiety..

Re the Atvian..

Sometimes meds can be helpful but for other people they just add to the problem. It's always worth a try but do so with the understanding that you might feel a lot worse before you start to feel any benefit. If you think you can handle that, go for it. You won't know unless you try, right?

Yes I think 5k steps might be still a bit much for now, only some days I can actually get that and I end up feeling sad when I don’t.

Some days I get 6K in and I'm well chuffed. The next day I might be in bed and only manage the bare minimum. It's all Ok.

Instead of feeling sad when you can't do what you want to do, show your body some appreciation for what it is doing for you. You might not be doing your 6K but your body is going all out for you elsewhere. Think positive and your body will respond positively. Think negatively/fearfully and your body will fire out those stress hormones.

I am feeling very happy that I’m actually going to get some tests done. But I truly hope it’s nothing serious and is all anxiety related. I hope to be a better version of myself definitely!

As long as you can accept the results of these tests, that's fine. If not, the constant need for reassurance will keep this ride going. People do get ill but never underestimate how ill anxiety can make us feel. With chronic anxiety the fight or flight response sort of 'jams on' and this normal response isn't supposed to feel nice. It's supposed to feel unpleasant or we'd never move out the way of danger. With health anxiety it's generally a case of: normal response to an imagined danger.

You don't have to wait for your test results to be a better version of yourself. You can start now. Today. All it takes is the decision that this is what you are going to do. If we wait for our health to be right, or to have enough money, or to be liked by everybody etc - life is passing us by. The trick is to be the best version of ourselves despite what's going on to us and around us because now is all any of us really have..

[ErinKC]

Re: the Ativan. I've had an Ativan prescription for years. It's like my security blanket - I know I have it, which helps me to not need it so much! I've only ever taken 0.5mg, which is a tiny dose, and it really does the trick to break the cycle of anxiety if it starts. It's got a very short half-life, so it's out of your system quickly, which I like. It's kind of like hitting the pause button. If you really can't escape the anxiety spiral, I think a small Ativan dose could be very helpful, especially to help you get to sleep.

[panicdad]

I’ve been trying to slowly push myself each week to walk or at least get 5k steps but it feels like some other health related anxiety pops up and I’m back to square one. And you’re so right, if I know I’m unhealthy that eats into my fears. That’s part of the problem too. I miss my old life pre COVID, I need to stop living in fear.

Just want to chime in here - I used to use my phone as a step counter and recently started using a Fitbit. by tracking every step versus just the steps I take, I realized I walked more than I realized. Not sure how you're tracking steps but if it's not with a pedometer or something like a fitbit you may be walking more than you realize.