My fear of covid is destroying my life

[darlene85]

Since the beginning of this pandemic I didn't go out, I didn't socialize at all, I mean really at all, only person I've been in contact with is my mother and she lives with me. Whenever I go to the grocery store with my ffp3 mask I am afraid and imagining symptoms after that, I don't know what to do anmore. I haven't been to the dentist, doctor, my teeth will be ruined, my health, I just can't. I received a booster dose last Wednesday and I am still scared. I am scared that I'll be that person who dies despite the vaccine and I am afraid because my mother isn't vaccinated (and she isn't afraid) and if I go out I will kill her once with covid.

I was hoping that we will eradicate covid but we won't and I don't know how to live in this scary world. I am afraid at this very moment that I catched it when I was getting the vaccine even though I had ffp3 mask and was inside for about a minute. This is horrible. I can't cope anymore.

[pulisa]

Considering the terrible fear you feel about going out you have done incredibly well to get yourself fully vaccinated. The pandemic has severely traumatised you but am I right in thinking that you have suffered terrible trauma when younger too? Would you feel up to contacting your doctor by phone just to express how terrified you feel and how much your life has been affected? Just to vocalise your terror to a medical professional? It must be unbearable just getting through the hours..day after day?

[darlene85]

I had traumatic childhood and my anxiety started very early, yes, but this pandemic really blocked me on every level. I've always had health anxiety and panic attacks but now I can't go anywhere, I work from home and I see everyone living normally and it's very frustrating. I should get a medical advice, yes.

[.Poppy.]

Hi Darlene, I can't really offer any advice but I can certainly empathize with you. The pandemic has really shaken me up as well. I very much limit my public outings and gatherings because I am afraid of getting ill or worse, making my parents ill as I see them both regularly. I'm maybe less afraid of the initial illness (though there is some fear there as I do have a history of pneumonia) but the concept of long covid or what may happen in 10, 20 years is scary to me. It makes it difficult as well because I'm fairly young (30) and pretty much everyone in my life aside from my parents has just decided to move on and throw caution to the wind. Even my covid-cautious friend is over it. So it makes me seem a bit of a wet blanket that I still have concerns. Even when I do go on my controlled outings I generally suffer with the fear I've gotten sick - I went to an outdoor festival with my friend this weekend and even right now am playing "is it allergies or do I finally have covid?" which is awful.

I don't have any really good answers or advice; I don't know that may people do. I have started therapy and have another session tomorrow so maybe will see what she suggests.

[LuSmith]

As someone with severe anxiety, I totally understand. I also have health problems, some of which can mean getting covid could be bad for me, and it's definitely led me to be scared to do anything. I live with my bf and we're both triple vaccinated but my booster was 8 months ago or so now (I was an early adopter of the vaccine because of my conditions) so I worry about the effectiveness of it anymore. I also worry as work makes him go in to the office once a week, they let him work from home the rest of the week but everybody at his office doesn't care anymore. He also cancelled his Easter trip home since I was worried he'd bring it back as last Christmas he was due to see his family and they ended up catching covid, so I was very stressed about the idea of it happening again. He's supposed to go in June now though so I guess I'm hoping cases will come down a bit but I can't see it happening lmao.

Anyway just wanted you to know you're not alone in your fears! I probably should see someone/speak to someone too but I feel a bit abandoned when it comes to mental health services, I was supposed to be referred 2 years ago right when the pandemic hit but services got pushed back and since then I've heard nothing, not even an initial assessment. :/

Hopefully things will get better so we can all stop having to worry soon

[pulisa]

We were all told that covid was something to be feared and now it's to be "lived with" just because it suits the Government's agenda to ignore it despite the fact that it very much isn't "all over". It's very hard for those left completely traumatised by over 2 years of a virulent pandemic and for some it's impossible to just snap back into a non-pandemic mindset.