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Thread: Dealing with a hoarder?

  1. #1

    Dealing with a hoarder?

    Hi, does anyone have advice for me on how to deal with a hoarding partner? Someone who collects from free collection sites, friends or charity shops wheather we need or would use the items. I am not able to give anything away to another home, even things of mine I no longer need. All things she collects are HERS and I "have no right in what happens to HER things". Please help.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    8,333

    Welcome to No More Panic!

    Hiya Pendarren and welcome to NMP

    Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
    are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

    I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
    support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way
    __________________
    Emmz xx

    nolite te basstardes carborundorum





  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    24,667

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    I wanted to respond as my ex wife suffered from severe depression which manifested itself into hoarding. The difference was that she didn't buy or collect things but refused to let go of things we no longer needed. Old magazines (you never know when you'll need that recipe...and she didn't cook!) to clothes, etc. etc. etc. It started after the birth of our daughter and got worse and worse. Any time I tried to throw things away, she would go ballistic! Our marriage was in trouble and we went to counseling. After a couple of sessions, the counselor wanted to see us separately. She stopped going after a couple of sessions and it was then I knew our marriage was over. It was a very, very difficult time and decision but the counselor actually advised me to leave. The legal aspects of the divorce and custody of the children and all the details involved were staggering. I often had the kids for the majority of the time as she couldn't function. When push came to shove, I was permitted to go into our home and clean things out. I would go on a schedule and make sure the home was fit.

    It took some time but eventually, she did seek help and started the journey to healing. To this day, the memories of that time are painful. Thankfully, my son has handled all of this well but sadly my daughter has been affected greatly by all of it and the separation and divorce and suffers from depression and anxiety. She's been getting professional help since her teens and while she has her bumps in the road, she's doing Ok.

    You have some serious decisions to make. Your partner and you need professional help to help deal with this. Hopefully she and you can seek it and find the solutions.

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    147

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    16,747

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    This information from Mind may be helpful for you...

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-...bout-hoarding/

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    3,229

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    Quote Originally Posted by Panicattacka View Post
    When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.
    Can you be any more of an ar$ehole?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    3,229

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    This information from Mind may be helpful for you...

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-...bout-hoarding/
    I didn't realise there was such a thing as "digital hoarding"? Might explain why my NAS box is so full.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    24,667

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    Quote Originally Posted by Panicattacka View Post
    When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.
    You have no idea at all what its like to be in a situation like that do you? Perhaps you should reconsider a few things before posting next time eh?

    FMP
    Last edited by Fishmanpa; 30-04-22 at 13:28.
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,918

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    Quote Originally Posted by Panicattacka View Post
    When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.

    This is a mental health forum. You have mental health issues. Where's your empathy for another human being who is suffering with their mental health?
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  10. #10

    Re: Dealing with a hoarder?

    Thanks for responding, it's good to know I'm not alone and that this space is here for us. I am seeing a councellor to help me deal with my situation and it has been suggested that she gets professional help, but i can't see a way to get her to agree to it. Any ideas? Thanks again.

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