Self referral ?

[Catkins]

Buster, I really feel for you, things sound very tough. I agree with everyone else who has said it, you need support yourself. Therapy, time doing things that calm you and make you happy. When you have to support someone else you really need to look after yourself.

Just wanted to show my support.

[Scass]

Oh Buster, I don’t really know what to say, I’m just so sorry for all the crap that is thrown at you. We are here for you to let it out a bit. Please feel free.

[NoraB]

Apologies for hijacking your thread to waffle on about cards, B..

We're all here for you mate.

Keep checking in?

[Lencoboy]

My own mother is in a terrible state right now, especially with incontinence and even using chairs, washing baskets, etc as toilets. Both me and my dad are at the end of our tether with her as she is refusing point blank to co-operate; not only with us but also with her homecare assistants, plus also refusing to wash and take her daily meds.

We shall be having meetings with specialist Drs and the SW this week, plus I have a sneaky suspicion this will probably be the final week she lives with us!

I might also just as well be sectioned myself as I felt very tempted to have violent and aggressive meltdowns on occasions over the weekend, what with all the rowing and screaming between my mom and dad.

Please, someone lecture me about zero tolerance and the Riot Act!

[NoraB]

My own mother is in a terrible state right now, especially with incontinence and even using chairs, washing baskets, etc as toilets. Both me and my dad are at the end of our tether with her as she is refusing point blank to co-operate; not only with us but also with her homecare assistants, plus also refusing to wash and take her daily meds.

Sorry to hear this..

We shall be having meetings with specialist Drs and the SW this week, plus I have a sneaky suspicion this will probably be the final week she lives with us!

How does that make you feel?

I might also just as well be sectioned myself as I felt very tempted to have violent and aggressive meltdowns on occasions over the weekend, what with all the rowing and screaming between my mom and dad.

I don't understand this, Lenco. I have no control (or choice) over my meltdowns (as rare as they are because I generally go the other way) Maybe I'm just misunderstanding you?

I'm really sorry that this is happening at home, it must be very unpleasant and stressful environment for you and your dad. (And I don't imagine it's much of a picnic for your mum either..)

[Carnation]

Buster, you can become stronger within and a theta will help with that. You know the situation with your partner so well now and have to admit it's ingoing so to deal with your frustration and unhappiness it really does help to talk to someone. It's quite clear to me you will never leave your partner because you love her and a split will only happen on her say-so but for the time being you are together and that's what you have to deal with. x

Lencoboy, I know it's extremely difficult for you with your mum's situation but somehow you have to detach yourself from the downside. The rows are the frustration which I know you feel too. You need to take yourself off mentally and and find something distracting to keep your sanity, whether it be a hobby, listening to music, a calming App, a walk, exercise, watching a film.
Remind yourself how well you are coping too!

[Lencoboy]

Lencoboy, I know it's extremely difficult for you with your mum's situation but somehow you have to detach yourself from the downside. The rows are the frustration which I know you feel too. You need to take yourself off mentally and and find something distracting to keep your sanity, whether it be a hobby, listening to music, a calming App, a walk, exercise, watching a film.
Remind yourself how well you are coping too!

Tomorrow I shall (hopefully) be returning to my day centre that I usually attend on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but was unable to last week due to the train strikes being on those two days (plus Saturday of course, which didn't affect me personally), plus my dad doesn't like driving me there and back for various reasons.

As I already mentioned upthread, I now think the inevitable is imminent with my mom (care home) which I fully expect and accept calmly.

[pulisa]

It must be a very distressing situation for you, Lenco. You and your dad must be at the end of your tether. Is he ready for her to go into a care home now? Have you been told that there would be a place available for her?

This is going to be a time of very high tension in your house and there will be shouting inevitably. You do need to detach yourself from this both physically and mentally as raised voices/shouting is such a trigger for you. if you can't leave the house can you at least go to a different room and use your headphones or play some music to drown out the noise? Or do you feel compelled to stay with the shouting and suffer the consequences?

[Lencoboy]

It must be a very distressing situation for you, Lenco. You and your dad must be at the end of your tether. Is he ready for her to go into a care home now? Have you been told that there would be a place available for her?

This is going to be a time of very high tension in your house and there will be shouting inevitably. You do need to detach yourself from this both physically and mentally as raised voices/shouting is such a trigger for you. if you can't leave the house can you at least go to a different room and use your headphones or play some music to drown out the noise? Or do you feel compelled to stay with the shouting and suffer the consequences?

The trouble is Pulisa, that my mom now needs her clothes and underwear changing multiple times per day, plus wets the bed pretty much nightly now.

She is now also refusing point blank to use the toilet, let alone get washed, and unfortunately, both myself and my dad are having to kind of 'manhandle' her into getting out of her urine-soaked clothing, and she screams blue murder whilst we are attempting to take the soiled clothing off her, as it we're literally trying to murder or rape her (which we're most certainly not).

I really dread to imagine what our neighbours might be thinking right now; as if we're a nasty bunch of lunatics/maniacs in our house, which again, we're not.

My dad has even pleaded with me not to attend my day centre tomorrow so I can help him manage my mom until further outside help is possible, which is sadly lacking as of today.

BTW, sorry for hijacking your thread, Buster.

[NoraB]

I really dread to imagine what our neighbours might be thinking right now; as if we're a nasty bunch of lunatics/maniacs in our house, which again, we're not.

I'm sure they'll understand that your mother is ill Lenco..