Self referral ?

[Darksky]

Do you still have your telephone appointment Buster or did you ditch it.

You desperately need to talk to someone. You spend all the time worrying about your other half to the detriment of yourself. What would you say to me if I were in your situation? What would you tell me to do? Imagine I have your back story…tell me what to do?

[Darksky]

Been thinking about you Buster

How are you?

[fishman65]

My life is utter misery , I have a partner who I don’t think has any feelings for me anymore , one daughter who I worry about because she’s struggling for money because her other half has put them in debt meaning she’s borrowed off us and has no hope of paying us back and the other daughter who works full time borrows money off us because she doesn’t want to break into her savings , I can’t talk to my partner because she says I’m questioning her , this evening she burst into tears and when I ask what I can do to help her , again angry because I’m asking , I’m in tears most days at some point which even I know is not right , I just don’t want to wake up tomorrow

I've had that feeling a few times Buster. When life appears to offer nothing but sorrows and trouble. That said we can't just opt out because it would devastate our loved ones. When I feel downtrodden, I think to myself 'Well Fishman, there's someone out there who's worse off than you'. And I'm sure there is, I've just yet to meet him. But I'm sure I will one day. In the meantime its the same old shit.

Hang in there buddy and here's a blokey hug from me

[Buster70]

Thank you for the replies, it feels like everyday from the moment I wake up is an uphill struggle, I suffer badly with nightmares and extremely vivid dreams , some days I wake from a good dream where everything is okay and then I crash into reality and my heart sinks that I’ll have to go through another day of this shite treading on eggshells and dealing with people who think your time means nothing , I’m getting into a habit of bollocking people who don’t turn up when they’re supposed to , I feel so angry inside .
I didn’t ring back for my mental health appointment so I guess it’s now cancelled but at least that makes way for someone else to have it , I don’t think it would have done much good right now , I didn’t ring back for my X-ray or blood tests either .I know people would say why are you in this relationship if it makes you both so unhappy ? Is it because you love her or just don’t want to be alone ? But I feel alone now anyway .
We’re taking the kids to the coast tomorrow it was arranged a while ago , I should be over the moon about it but I’m not , I don’t know how it’s going to be with her now she doesn’t really want anything to do with me , she tells me pretty much everyday that she wants to kill herself because she can’t take feeling the way she does angry at everything and anyone .
I feel so tired out just exhausted by life , maybe I just expect too much from middle age, it doesn’t help that anxiety ended my social life so I basically put all my eggs in one basket with my family , now it’s falling apart I’m only left with working and walking the dog to mix with people and most of them think I’m a miserable bugger .
So to sum up im still bloody here plodding on wether I like it or not and I do appreciate you asking .

[fishman65]

Do take care Buster, I was a little flippant with my earlier post. You have such a lot to deal with. It feels like you and your partner are more or less living separate lives now? That I think is at the heart of your sadness. But you can only do so much for people, they have to do the rest themselves. I'm forever trying to get Mrs F to eat better and exercise because I'd like her to be around for a good while yet. I haven't succeeded with either because it has to come from her.

This is where our situations are so similar, we try and 'fix' people. But there's only so much we can do.

[Darksky]

Checking in Buster….how are you?

[Buster70]

Thanks for your comment Fish and thank you for asking Darksky , hope you two and everyone else is doing okay .
I could list all the crap that’s been going on since my last post but I won’t it’s just depressing so I’ll tell you about a small glimmer of light in a dark life , we did go to the coast and I had some good quality time with my grandkids , spending some time with just my grandson which is good as it’s always been just girls in our house , my dad died in 99 and we have two daughters and a granddaughter, we also spent some time on the beach and we went in the sea , my anxiety focuses a lot on breathing or lack of it and I got control of it for once and had a short swim , believe me it was hard not to panic in cold water on a hot day , we had fun and laughs so I’ll leave the rest .
like Forest Gump “that’s about all I have to say about that “
Thanks x

[Carnation]

That's good to hear Buster. But please don't think you shouldn't poor out your woes when you need to.

[Darksky]

Good to hear you’ve had a bit of fun. Hold on to those small glimmers of happiness Buster.

it’s good to hear from you…keep posting, we really don’t mind whether it’s good or bad news. We’re here to chat either way.

[Buster70]

Always a price to pay for any glimpse of happiness, today we had our dog put to sleep , people say it’s like losing one of the family , we dog lovers know it is losing one of the family , for sixteen years we’ve fed watered and loved her , never a day went by when she wasn’t fussed , I think Ive been in denial that she was getting worse because Staffies have such a high pain threshold, she even trotted in to the vets wagging her tail but we knew she would only get worse , she collapsed again this morning and wasn’t eating much anymore, we held her on our knees while she passed away and I looked at the drip and wanted so much to go with her and avoid this pain I knew was coming , I cried my heart out in the vets and all the way home , we’ve brought her home and will get her cremated tomorrow, the pain I feel right now feels no different from losing my mum or dad , I’ve shown my younger dog her body so she knows she’s gone aswell , I know we gave an unwanted pup a good life and we did the right thing letting her go rather than go on to suffer so why does it feel so bad ? .
She was a stubborn pain in the arse I’m going to miss her so much .