Self referral ?

[NoraB]

The cards, well it’s a thing….my youngest son still has a Mother’s Day card in his drawer, unsigned from last year. We laugh about it, both of us know a bit of paper doesn’t mean anything compared to feelings.

My eldest gave me card one Mother's Day. I say 'day' but he'd forgotten and by the time he came home from his mate's house, all the cards had gone. So he gave me a birthday card with the 'Birth' crossed out and word, Mother's' written over the top. ..

21 hours in labour and 3 stitches with that bugger and he pulls a stunt like that?

I still have the card (and I love it)

[Darksky]

My eldest gave me card one Mother's Day. I say 'day' but he'd forgotten and by the time he came home from his mate's house, all the cards had gone. So he gave me a birthday card with the 'Birth' crossed out and word, Mother's' written over the top. ..

21 hours in labour and 3 stitches with that bugger and he pulls a stunt like that?



I still have the card (and I love it)

Nora, he sounds JUST like my youngest and when he does get a card it’s always one of those insulting ones. He does not even call me Mom or anything like that…he calls me by my Christian name. A bit like Bart Simpson and Homer. Done it since he was about 10 He’s bonkers but I do love him.

[pulisa]

Don't cancel your own appointment, Buster.. You're in a difficult situation with your partner's behaviours and your own mental health is suffering which is often the case. Threatening suicide is a dangerous tool when you are so vulnerable yourself to what she says. You don't have any help yourself and it's so easy to get ground down by someone else's unhappiness.

[Buster70]

Hi all , my daughters are 26 and 31 ( I think ) I tell them how much it means to her in advance , because of her abusive mother she devoted all her time to making them happy as kids and still does but it hit her hard that they don’t return it , my younger one bought her flowers but didn’t bring them and a card turned up a week later so basically nothing , three days a year they have to make an effort to make her happy and it’s too much trouble yet the other day my younger one rang in a state over her upcoming chemo and her relationship and my partner put her hurt aside and sat calming her down for an hour , no thank you mum after .
She’s taking overdoses more often now and I know from when my daughter did it how quickly things can go bad with liver failure, this is what hurts so much that she knows what it’s like to see a loved one in hospital with organ failure .
Shes permanently under the metal health team and we have talked about her going into hospital for a stay , the psychiatrist is coming this morning to discuss her options and a nurse is also coming to take bloods to check if she’s done any damage , im the only one who gets to see this side of her as she puts on the happy act for everyone else then bursts into tears when they go .
I still love her dearly but some days it’s soul destroying to see her this way and it’s seems so unfair because we’re in a position that we should be enjoying ourselves, I do take some responsibility for her unhappiness as I don’t know how to deal with it and I always seem to say and do the wrong thing .
Thank you for the replies I know none of your lives are a bed of roses or you wouldn’t be on here , no one finds this site because they’re far too freakin happy .

[Lencoboy]

While I don't wish to be a killjoy in any way, I personally can no longer see the real point in greetings cards as A; they're a waste of natural resources IMO (trees, etc), and B; they're in pursuit of profits.

Ditto for conventional 'printed' newspapers, of which are already increasingly outmoded in favour of online, which the sooner they're given the heave-ho the better.

Buster, I can very much relate to your current struggles as my own mother has quite severe dementia, though luckily not quite threatening suicide nor highly confrontational, but both me and my dad can see the inevitable getting closer; her going to live in a care home in the not-too-distant future.

[NoraB]

He does not even call me Mom or anything like that…he calls me by my Christian name. A bit like Bart Simpson and Homer. Done it since he was about 10 He’s bonkers but I do love him.

Yeah, my son's tried that with me. I took them to one side and said, 'Everybody calls me Nora (not my actual name, obvs) - including people I dislike immensely. Three humans get to call me mum. It's incredibly special to me.'.

Thanks to my use of emotional blackmail, he's never tried to use my name since..

[Carnation]

Buster, I'm so pleased you keep in touch because I think it's important for you not to feel alone.
I also thinks it's important to keep the therapy for yourself.
To a certain extent we can only help so far and there's probably more intimate stuff you need to offload.
As far as your daughters, I know it's hurtful but it's not the first time I've heard this in family life and it's got nothing to do with their upbringing but more to do with their lifestyle now and who they associate with in my opinion. They may even have their own struggles and whether you get a card or not is not the be all or end all of a relationship. But I get the thought was not there and its upsetting.
You keep saying you give your partner space. Even if you suffer the consequences. This is something you can talk about in therapy but in my opinion, it's not working!
Are you a little soft when it comes to giving in with your partners wishes because of the threat of her doing something dangerous? And just trying to please her by tippy toeing around her needs?
Again, it hasn't been working.
Can Buster be a little firmer maybe as he is suffering too!
The thing is, the situation has been going on so long and become a habit, so yes! Therapy is definitely a good idea in this present time.

[Darksky]

Personally I think she needs a break in hospital where she will be looked after by professionals. You also need a break…that’s important to remember. She’s got to a point where she needs a concentrated period of help. Not a quick visit and then left to cope.
Let’s see what they recommend this morning. Let us know.

Echo what Mrs.C said…please keep in touch. It seems to me that you have no one to talk to about this. Your shoulders aren’t that strong and wide. We’re all here rooting for you….never forget that.

[Buster70]

The psychiatrist turned up this morning along with a cop , apparently this is normal now , he had a good talk with her and said she could go into a hospital for a stay but she’s not keen , he’s suggested trying citalopram apparently this is well suited to menopausal women with depression, it certainly did me no favours but everyone is different .
Carnation I’d like to be stronger but I’ve become so scared of how things escalate and when she’s angry she thinks nothing of the consequences of her actions , i went out while the Doc was there and picked up some cake and flowers for her , she seemed more positive for a while but it soon died off , there is so much I can’t share on here and I don’t have anyone to open up to , I just plod on through the day dealing with people making them laugh and inside I’m screaming out for help .
I know I need to look after myself as well but this is my life there’s is no hiding from it , no matter where you go you take it with you in your head .
lenco I thought my mum would end up in a carehome because she had dementia but it didn’t end that way , she passed away in hospital in lockdown , you never really know how things will go , just try to make the most of the time you have and say the things you need to say now while you can , don’t regret it later .
Soo tired my phone hasn’t stopped all day and tomorrow will be the same , I wish we could go back to the days of the phone screwed to the hall wall where you’d get some peace .

[NoraB]

While I don't wish to be a killjoy in any way, I personally can no longer see the real point in greetings cards as A; they're a waste of natural resources IMO (trees, etc), and B; they're in pursuit of profits.

Ditto for conventional 'printed' newspapers, of which are already increasingly outmoded in favour of online, which the sooner they're given the heave-ho the better.

Two words: recycled cards.

I have a huge box in my wardrobe with cards I've kept since I was 16. In that box are cards from my mum and dad, and then just my mum. Cards from my grandma, aunties, uncles - people who are no longer here. I've kept every card my kids have given me, and I especially treasure those home made ones. I have every card from my husband, and I've kept all mine to him from me. When we cleared out his dad's house, I found an old birthday card to my husband (as a kid) from his mum and dad. I brought that home with me..

Those cards are tangible reminders of people I love and every now and then I get the box down and go through them all. I kept cards for all my children and gave my eldest sons a big box of cards and their school books and pictures (starting from nursery) when they grew up. I will do the same for my youngest son, and his box he will find cards from the nana that he doesn't remember because he was two when she died, and cards from his grandad who died two years ago, and who he loved very much, as well as every card me and his Dad have given him and cards from the brother's who he adores..

My mother never did this. Nothing was kept. And I really wish she had, because that would be so special to have things from my childhood which I could look at now. Irreplaceable cards with handwritten sentiments from people who I've loved and who've loved me. 16 years worth. As it is, when I moved out of my parent's house is when I started keeping my cards and now I have 36 years worth..

I don't see just 'profits'. I see the hours that my mum stood choosing the 'perfect' card for me and I see her lovely handwriting. I see my dad's name on there too. These cards remind me of when I was a daughter..