Ended up at hospital last night
I’ve definitely had a bit of a relapse of health anxiety recently since I had covid last month. I’m also doing EMDR for trauma recently, and I found out the guy who killed my Dad got granted his parole, I’m also studying at Uni and a single parent. So I do have a lot on.
Last night I was going to bed and watching something to do with the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trial, I’ve been fine watching it up until last night, right before I went to sleep I had some flashbacks to my violent relationship when I was much younger (this hadn’t happened in a very long time), I went to sleep then work up two hours later with my heart pounding in my chest, I tried to calm myself down as I suspected it was a panic attack but it would not.
I rang 111 and the advised me to go straight to a hospital to be checked out. I went got seen, had an EKG and they told me my heart rate was fine 94bpm a little elevated but that the rhythm had no issues, and did my blood pressure which she told me was text book, 129/84, I was happy with that and said I would go home, I had calmed down quite a bit, but I stupidly googled my blood pressure, and I saw that means pre-hypertensive, it’s made me even more anxious. I don’t want to start ringing the docs and allowing my health anxiety to go into overdrive but I’m really worried, I am currently trying so hard to quit smoking but I’m scared and worried that I’ll end up dying like my Grandma as she had high blood pressure and had a brain bleed 😣😩
I know it’s slightly irrational but I’m trying very hard to be healthier but my health anxiety doesn’t want to give me a break.
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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be?”