Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

  1. #1

    Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Hello.I suffer CPTSD with massive social anxiety from childhood and receive constant abuse, bullying, always picked on, etc. I avoid people as much as I can and I am always too nice.

    Anyway, so I am a regular at a gym for some years and never had any problem with anyone. Never spoke to anyone either.

    Today I was using a machine and a guy came asking me how long would I stay on it and I said 5 minutes and I call you when I finish.

    So the guy didn't like the answer. A muscled guy full of horrible tattoos and an aggressive attitude, he told me to alternate, meaning he'd use it while I rest between series. I said NO and he didnīt like it, so he insisted and I repeated NO I call you in 5 minutes, so he showed a very disgusting gesture and smile like "what a f. idiot" and I said, "if you don't agree that's your problem, spare me that disgusting smile of yours", so the guy was like... kind of shocked as I looked at his eyes straight and firm and then he gave me a speech that the gym is small and we have to share and blah blah.

    Sharing a machine in times of covid and the monkeypox after 2 years of masks and lockdowns and my best friend dying of covid and the guy tells me to share the machine because he can't wait 5 minutes...

    So I finished and went to one of the teachers (or I don't know the right name in English, the guys working at the gym) and asked him if he knew that guy and said yeah, he works here (I never saw him after 3 years going there) and he was kind of rude too and noticed they had been talking about the incident and he was supporting the tattood aggressor saying he had seen it all, so they both started to talk to me saying he hadn't been any rude or anything and that I was making it up, but both being massively agressive and disrespectful completely. So I said ENOUGH Im not speaking with you anymore and told them to go away and leave me alone. I was totally shaking and they could notice. I tremble after any little argument out of too much adrenaline and fear. It's just horrible, and it remains in my body and head for hours. Any little argument and I tremble and feel really sick as with heafrt disease for many hours and obsess about it.

    So... should I tell the manager? I'm sure they're going to deny it and will act like a mafia against me after it forever, and they are MANY teachers or monitors or however it's called in English.

    Would you tell? On one hand I know those guys have abused me once again out of nothing. They notice my weakness in my face and abuse, everybody does it. I am abused, mocked,bullied, wherever I go. But I also know that the manager will not care at all and the guys will not receive any penaly for it, so I will make things worse and they'll surely get seriously against me which is bad because any other gym is very far away.

    What do you think?

    Thanks
    Last edited by Niro; 20-05-22 at 13:55.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,671

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    You don't come across as weak to me. I think you did an excellent job of standing up for yourself, and you are right - they are very much in the wrong.

    I would for sure call the manager. Maybe he won't believe you, but it's worth a shot. Are there other gyms you could join? If so, I would absolutely tell him that the behavior of the trainers (teachers) there made you very uncomfortable and you are considering withdrawing your membership. Because honestly the behavior from both of them is really inappropriate, particularly as they are employees there.
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

  3. #3

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by .Poppy. View Post
    You don't come across as weak to me. I think you did an excellent job of standing up for yourself, and you are right - they are very much in the wrong.

    I would for sure call the manager. Maybe he won't believe you, but it's worth a shot. Are there other gyms you could join? If so, I would absolutely tell him that the behavior of the trainers (teachers) there made you very uncomfortable and you are considering withdrawing your membership. Because honestly the behavior from both of them is really inappropriate, particularly as they are employees there.
    Yes I am very weak because I tremble in front of people when I have any confrontation, I am really ill in my nerves, I am pathetic, but always force myself to confront abusers. Anyway thanks a lot for your help.

    I wonder what "healthier people" would do in this situation. I know I overreact to abuses and maybe healthy people will not tell the manager and just let it pass. The question is the guy didn't even try to apologize remotely. Just put the others against me saying that I was exaggerating and making it up, and they are two, as the other trainer said he saw it all...

    I believe that women are more respected in thise sense, hence the memes of "Karen calling the manager", but when we men do it... we are called rats and believe me they will all make it hard for me to continue there because I am truly stress intolerant. Going to another gym will be a nightmare for the distance. I go twice a week for three years and I am very happy there, its a nice place and I am fit which is my only joy.

    MANY THANKS.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3,750

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Anyone know why the OP font is opaque? (or is it just me?)
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    4,796

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    I can relate to your issues as I have been there before myself in various situations (though never at a gym), and I have been the one accused of over-reacting.

    That geezer you described sounds like a power-mad oik of a jobsworth. I have had various encounters with such persons who have worked at schools, day centres, respite units, etc that I have attended in the past who seem to believe they're entitled to their jobs, untouchable, and often hide behind draconian 'zero tolerance' policies in order to cover their own backsides, and ironically, to have carte blanche to abuse and intimidate customers/users/clients/students, etc.

    One of my biggest bugbears is instances of 'double standards', where, for example, staff members who woe betide customers, clients, students, etc for swearing, but have been overheard dropping F-bombs themselves when in conversation with fellow colleagues, and even smoking in prohibited environments, especially before 2007 with the latter.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3,750

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Anyone?

    I can't read the post because it's opaque...

    Is this the same for everyone or am I having some kind of brain blip?
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    4,796

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    Anyone?

    I can't read the post because it's opaque...

    Is this the same for everyone or am I having some kind of brain blip?
    Yes, for some reason or other the OP text seems to be in a lighter shade than usual, though I've still managed to read it.

    Perhaps try (at least temporarily) adjusting the brightness/contrast settings on your device to see if it makes the OP text any more readable.
    Last edited by Lencoboy; 20-05-22 at 09:10.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3,750

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Lencoboy View Post
    Yes, for some reason or other the OP text seems to be in a lighter shade than usual, though I've still managed to read it.

    Perhaps try (at least temporarily) adjusting the brightness/contrast settings on your device to see if it makes the OP text any more readable.
    Nah. It'll trigger a migraine. I keep my brightness low for a reason. Just wanted to know if it was just me...
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    24,019

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    Nah. It'll trigger a migraine. I keep my brightness low for a reason. Just wanted to know if it was just me...
    Not you... If you highlight the text as if you're going to C&P you can read it.

    FMP
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    3,129

    Re: Argument at the gym with abusive guys. Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by NoraB View Post
    Anyone know why the OP font is opaque? (or is it just me?)
    The font's a very light grey.

    Nora, I'm not sure if whatever you're reading this on supports it but if you hit the "reader mode" button in your browser (on Firefox it's at the RHS of the address bar) it strips out all the florid crap that forums tend to use and just reduces it to simple black text on a white background - then you can turn your brightness down.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Advice on argument with my father!
    By O_O in forum General Anxiety / Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 19-01-19, 23:30
  2. Do any of you guys go to the gym / workout?
    By nianxiousguy in forum General Anxiety / Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 13-01-19, 19:24
  3. any advice guys
    By SW in forum Mirtazapine /Zispin
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 10-02-11, 11:20
  4. Hi guys i need advice.
    By angietomjimandcass in forum Health Anxiety
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-06-09, 21:22
  5. hi guys need advice
    By katyfitz in forum General Anxiety / Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 17-07-07, 07:29

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •