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Thread: Bowel worries.

  1. #1
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    Mar 2009
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    Bowel worries.

    Hello, I have come here to post out of desperation. My health anxiety has been unbearable, I mean unbearable for the last 9 months since having a campylobacter infection. I also have emetophobia .... fear of vomiting so this makes everything stomach related traumatic for me. Since being so unwell I became sure I have bowel cancer. During the infection my inflammation markers and blood was present in stool and raised in my bloods. I was so sure this meant I had cancer. In the months following I had all kinds of problems, lingering pain and gripes and frequent loose stools. I have become bowel obsessed to be honest and I wake early in the morning and panic about going to the toilet when I get up.

    I have since had repeat bloods and stool test for calprotectin. They were reported as normal and I paid for a CT scan of abdomen and pelvis to look for any masses or obvious problems. I refused colonoscopy because my phobia will not allow me to take the bowel prep.

    I started amitriptyline a couple of months ago and recently stools have been more constipated. I am now worrying that I have an obstruction or that my bowel has stopped working as I dont feel like I need to go to the toilet in the normal way. This is really scaring me. Another change in bowel habit and in between I have had some bleeding after passing stool and straining, but I think it is caused by a small tear.

    I know in some way a lot of this sounds irrational and not a big deal. I guess I just want some reassurance because I cannot keep running to the doctor as this only makes my anxiety worse. I really am in a terrible place at the moment. I live in utter fear of my body and have lost hope of ever getting back any quality of life. I have had therapy and tried different things like hypnotherapy and other things with absolutely no improvement. It seems like something in my brain has broken.

    Any words of wisdom would be helpful. I feel incredibly isolated and alone. Thanks for reading.

  2. #2
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    Hi

    This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your issue.

    This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.

    Please also read this post:

    http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=213239
    __________________
    Nicola

    “Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.” - Natalie Babbitt

    Please help keep NMP running and donate to the running costs: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/donate




  3. #3
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessieblue View Post
    During the infection my inflammation markers and blood was present in stool and raised in my bloods. I was so sure this meant I had cancer.
    Logic says infection = raised inflammation markers. HA irrationality says cancer..

    In the months following I had all kinds of problems, lingering pain and gripes and frequent loose stools. I have become bowel obsessed to be honest and I wake early in the morning and panic about going to the toilet when I get up.
    Totally understand this. I became almost phobic about my BM's. My heart would bang like an old barn door as I sat down on the loo..

    I have since had repeat bloods and stool test for calprotectin. They were reported as normal and I paid for a CT scan of abdomen and pelvis to look for any masses or obvious problems. I refused colonoscopy because my phobia will not allow me to take the bowel prep.
    I took the prep no issues. It tastes shite but I followed it with a flat lemonade chaser. Didn't feel at all sick..

    I started amitriptyline a couple of months ago and recently stools have been more constipated. I am now worrying that I have an obstruction or that my bowel has stopped working
    This is the situation I was in - meds (opioids) and mucking about with my diet caused constipation and I struggled to poo. I was convinced there was a blockage and having a raging case of HA it HAD to be a tumour. (There was no tumour)

    Another change in bowel habit and in between I have had some bleeding after passing stool and straining, but I think it is caused by a small tear.
    Fissures: I had one earlier this year after a few weeks of straining (meds and diet combo again) there was bright red blood on the loo roll and blood in my poo but I could feel the tear (I'm hyper sensitive) so I wasn't overly concerned. A few weeks alternating with my cool gel pad & heat pad and it's been fine ever since..

    I live in utter fear of my body and have lost hope of ever getting back any quality of life. I have had therapy and tried different things like hypnotherapy and other things with absolutely no improvement. It seems like something in my brain has broken.
    Nothing's broken, it just feels that way to your mind..

    If it helps you, I've had all your symptoms (and more) and my colonoscopy was clear. You've had a nasty infection and it's bound to muck about with your system. It will take time to settle back down - even in a non-anxious person. Anxiety means it will take longer. Studies have shown that people who catastrophise experience more prolonged pain and discomfort with illness and injuries compared to those who don't..

    Amitriptyline causes a dry mouth so it's not too much of a stretch to the imagination that it's going to cause dryness elsewhere, as in the bowels. It's a common side effect so you need to counteract it with diet or laxatives. Magnesium (citrate) that works for me, it's natural and kinder on the system than most laxatives, but check you can take this with the medication. I always check everything against my meds - even herbal teas..

    I feel incredibly isolated and alone.
    You're not alone..
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  4. #4
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    Thank you so much for this detailed and thoughtful reply Nora. It has helped me so much to hear that you felt a similar way. As you said my heart beats like a drum and I almost have a panic attack when I use the toilet. I get myself in such a worry from 4am, until after. Somedays I feel the fear all day that I will have diarrhea again like when I had the bug. It is a real phobia now. That is why I cannot do the bowel prep. I honestly could not put that in my body willingly knowing it would do to me the thing I am afraid of....... one end or the other is just as bad it seems now.

    How did you overcome this Nora? How did you get past the fear and be able to see rationally again? I am so grateful for your input as I have no support at home or from my doctors and feel very alone and very afraid.

  5. #5
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessieblue View Post
    Thank you so much for this detailed and thoughtful reply Nora. It has helped me so much to hear that you felt a similar way. As you said my heart beats like a drum and I almost have a panic attack when I use the toilet. I get myself in such a worry from 4am, until after. Somedays I feel the fear all day that I will have diarrhea again like when I had the bug. It is a real phobia now. That is why I cannot do the bowel prep. I honestly could not put that in my body willingly knowing it would do to me the thing I am afraid of....... one end or the other is just as bad it seems now.
    I went through a spell of waking up between 4am and 5 am and needing the loo and it was loose..

    I do understand your phobia re the prep and think (though I'm not sure) that the bowel can be cleansed with diet alone as some people are unable to take the prep - but it obviously takes longer. Maybe that's something to ask your GP if you don't feel that you can accept the test results you've already had?

    How did you overcome this Nora? How did you get past the fear and be able to see rationally again? I am so grateful for your input as I have no support at home or from my doctors and feel very alone and very afraid.
    Mine all came to a head the night before I had my colonoscopy. I was 100% convinced they were going to find cancer; so convinced that I'd planned my own funeral. I'd been going through a breakdown due to the HA but suddenly there was a mental shift where I decided to accept my fate and the moment I did that, I felt calm. The fear which had controlled me for years just evaporated. I emptied my bowels (and how lol) and I slept well. The next day I had bum-cam and asked to be sedated (which was lovely) and before I knew it the consultant was saying, 'All done, no problems'. And I was like, 'What?' Are you sure? Turns out I have one of the best colons in Manchester.. That was it. I'd allowed my fear and irrationality to take me to mental breakdown and I wasn't having it anymore. I learned how to challenge my thoughts and how to re-frame the situations that I fear, such as something happening to me and leaving my autistic son. That fear was the trigger for this latest (and worst) spiral of health anxiety. I was already ok with death itself (have been since I was 12) but I had to get my head around the dying and leaving part and in the end, the only thing to do was to accept that I can't control when I die; I can only do the best job I can do while I'm here and know that others will step up if they're needed because that's what people do..

    Acceptance was what got me out of that hole and I've remained in control of my HA ever since...
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  6. #6
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    Thank you for sharing this with me Nora. What an amazing turnaround. I am so pleased that you managed to escape the grip of this cruel condition.

    I wish I could have that kind of epiphany. I just seem to be stuck in the fear cycle and it isn't for trying. I have tried so many things and nothing seems to touch it. Just today, I have feared 3 different serious illnesses because of intense symptoms. My physical symptoms are so strong and they change day by day, minute by minute sometimes. They are so very convincing. It is truly exhausting.

    You have been so helpful. I hope one day I can pass this on and can one day be free myself.

  7. #7
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessieblue View Post
    I wish I could have that kind of epiphany.
    I don't think you need the epiphany Jessie, but you do need to learn how to challenge your thoughts and when you can do this, you will still have HA thoughts (I still do) but you will not react with fear. You will observe them and work out if there's any truth in them and what (if anything) you need to do..

    Just today, I have feared 3 different serious illnesses because of intense symptoms. My physical symptoms are so strong and they change day by day, minute by minute sometimes. They are so very convincing. It is truly exhausting.
    Logic should tell you that diseases generally don't work that way, but anxiety absolutely works this way. And anxiety symptoms can be incredibly intense and totally convincing...

    It is exhausting because you're using up a lot of energy and probably not sleeping well but control over HA is doable, believe me..
    __________________
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  8. #8
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    I know you are right in what you are saying Nora. I can always see after the panic dissipates that I was irrational. But when you are in it it feels so real. Today I have been terrified I was going to have diarrhea all day. I had to go two times more this afternoon and I am now paralysed with fear I have another bug of some sort and am going to get worse. I don't know why I have become some phobic of my bowel habits. I am just terrified and cannot stop thinking about it. I do challenge my thoughts all the time and tell myself its just my anxiety, but the fear wins every damn time.

  9. #9
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    Re: Bowel worries.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessieblue View Post
    I know you are right in what you are saying Nora. I can always see after the panic dissipates that I was irrational. But when you are in it it feels so real. Today I have been terrified I was going to have diarrhea all day. I had to go two times more this afternoon and I am now paralysed with fear I have another bug of some sort and am going to get worse. I don't know why I have become some phobic of my bowel habits. I am just terrified and cannot stop thinking about it. I do challenge my thoughts all the time and tell myself its just my anxiety, but the fear wins every damn time.
    Try to stop catastrophising with this, Jessie.

    Deal with the symptom..

    If you have the runs, then you need to eat foods that will counteract this, so foods like rice, pasta, crackers, potatoes. AVOID DAIRY LIKE THE PLAGUE. Also avoid greasy foods and spicy foods. Listen to what your body needs and when you get on top of the symptom you will stop panicking about it..

    The urge to purge (ooh that rhymes) is part of the fight or flight response. You're constantly triggering it. This is why you have loose stools..
    __________________
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  10. #10
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    Afraid of Diarrhea or any bowel movement actually

    Hi I posted recently about my bowel worries. I am in a horrible state over my bowel habits. I am so terrified of getting any form of diarrhea that I have a panic attack when going to the toilet now. Some days I am going 4 times with the constand feeling that I need to go and it will be diarrhea. Yesterday it wasn't loose at all, but I just kept needing to go small amounts. I had been constipated the day before and so yesterday I used a gelatine suppository which did the trick, but then I felt irritated and like I was about to have diarrhea all day.

    I know I am obsessing about my bowels and I think about nothing else all day. I keep going and sitting on the loo as I feel I need to and then I don't.

    I am so sure there is something awful wrong. I have had some tests including CT scan but have not had a colonoscopy as I am far too phobic to drink the bowel prep and make myself ill. I will have any other test but it seems this is the one test they want to do. So I cannot get help because of my phobia. I am having CBT and trauma therapy, but so far I still live in a place of intense terror and suicidal thoughts. I feel like there is no way out and the pain of living with this fear is unbearable.

    I am afraid of my own body,

    Please help if you have any advice or experience. Thank you.

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