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Thread: Graphic Intrusive Thoughts

  1. #1

    Graphic Intrusive Thoughts

    Hello! My name is Eren and recently I've been experiencing extreme intrusive thoughts.

    Since around 12 I've been fascinated with serial killers and murder and gore. I've never thought of it as weird, and because of my PTSD, OCD, Major Depression Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I've kind of gotten used to the fact that I'm odd. I've desensitized myself to gore through a bunch of snuff videos/gore websites and such, but for a long time I've stopped being interested in such things. Recently though, throughout random parts of the day, I will see different images flashing through my head of me dead and someone cannibalizing my corpse. I will admit that I was extremely interested in cannibalization when on these websites because I thought it was interesting. I've never envisioned myself taking part in anything to do with gruesome acts like murder or such.

    A few months ago, I had a dream where as a child I got kidnapped, raped, tortured, and eventually killed by an obsessed stalker. I somehow wasn't disturbed by the dream at all, and I went back to sleep, hoping to continue it. Later, I started having wild thoughts of being cannibalized, tortured, raped and such. I have not been suicidal in a long time, and I don't know why these thoughts are clouding my mind, when it's been a long while since I was interested in anything like that. I've also hallucinated about a stalker in my attic before, and that semen at one point was dripping through the vents after I took my shower. I have been exposed to sexual violence, physical abuse, and neglect from birth to 3 years old, hence my PTSD. I have attempted suicide before since 10, and now at age 16, I have been around 6 months clean of self harm. I stopped drinking and smoking around a year ago, and I've never been sexually active with anyone since then. Does anyone have any ideas of why these thoughts are coming now and not back then, or does anyone have any advice of how to deal with these thoughts?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2017

    Re: Graphic Intrusive Thoughts

    Just to clarify, are you actually dreaming…ie asleep? And when awake are you randomly having flashing images and thoughts. Or do you think you could be maladaptive daydreaming?
    Take my hand, we'll make it I swear....
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  3. #3

    Re: Graphic Intrusive Thoughts

    I've only had one or two dreams about it, but most of the images are when I'm awake. I don't know if it would be considered maladaptive daydreaming. I have noticed a pattern, that if I'm getting these thoughts, they usually lead me down to look up or search about different true crime type cases. Eventually that leads down the rabbit hole for me and I end up on websites about gore. After a while I forget about it, and then the thoughts or images come back, and it repeats. I think it's more images than thoughts.

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