Constant worrying!

[katyfitz]

Hi guys,

Not sure if I’m posting in the correct group or not but just wanted to talk to some of you about my constant worrying. So throughout my life I’ve been in a few relationships but due to my anxiety, have always been cut short. I was in a relationship with someone for a while and I didn’t really feel comfortable with him after a while but he was quite forceful with me. Anyway, when I moved on from him I looked at every single guy like they were going to do the same to me, would ask my friends questions and they’d never get it cause they didn’t ‘think or overthink’ like me. Anyway a few years down the line I met a guy who told me he was single, turned out 6 weeks later to have a wife and kid and was playing us both along. It honestly put me off wanting any relationship and I felt my safety net was at home and as long as I was there and not in a relationship, I could breath Easily and know I wasn’t doing wrong. Now a few more years down the line and Covid hit, meaning we couldn’t meet anyone so I didn’t. Now pre pandemic and the world is starting to get normal, every time I’m out I get the stupid questions of ‘why are you still single’ ‘why haven’t you got kids yet’ ‘do you swing both ways’ ‘is your problem that you’re not sure what or who you want’. It’s honestly got me so depressed because so many people have opinions on other peoples lives. Why? I’m scared to go in to new places incase someone already has an opinion on me cause someone else has told them something which isn’t true. I should have grown out of this negative thinking by now but just can’t help it. Is anyone else in my shoes or is this just something that’s happening to me right now. Im 37. hopefully I’ll get some replies and if anyone wants to private DM me, feel free.

Thanks,
Kate

[fishman65]

Hi Kate, I think your situation is a lot more common than you realise. A lot of what you said sounds familiar to me, especially the implication from others that there might be something 'wrong' with you.

However, none of us have to fit into categories, we are all unique in our own ways and don't need validation from those who think they have all the answers. I didn't find Mrs F until I was 30, other women before that either came along at the wrong time or just weren't for me. Its very easy to become cynical, you see friends settling down etc but there's no guarantee they are happy. Sometimes they aren't and have only 'settled down' so as not to be alone.

But, you're still only 37. You have plenty of time to find that special person. Good luck and take care.

[.Poppy.]

Hi Kate,

I feel much the same way! I'm 'only' 30, but all of my closest friends are in relationships; most are married and due to start having kids soon. I myself have never been in a super long-term relationship. I really just struggle with it all in general. It seems the only way to really get into dating now is online/via apps, and I absolutely hate that because there is just so much pressure put on that first date. I wish it were easier to get to know people organically now.

Additionally, I guess I've had enough bad experiences and sat around watching the bad experiences of others to make me pause. I have married friends who are stuck doing everything - making appointments, cooking, cleaning, etc. and they work too (but don't have children yet)! I've also seen them be in relationships where they are treated poorly. And, though I love my dad, I've seen my own parents' relationship, where a lot of emotional burden is put on my mom, but she doesn't have a whole lot of autonomy. They did a bunch of remodeling on their house over the years and anything she suggested was shot down. I'm remodeling my own home with my dad's help and have to fight that fight as well.

So in my mind, if that's what's in store I'd rather not. And I know not everyone is like that, but I have a real fear that I would end up in a relationship where that was the reality, and I wonder if I'd be strong enough to just leave. I'd like to think so.

Anyway, I kind of took off on this but please understand - I absolutely get it. If you need to vent or anything I'm always able to listen.