Work fear/anxiety

[.Poppy.]

Hi all, I apologize for being a bit of a frequent flyer as of late; I've just had a lot of things to stress about all at once and it's made it hard to cope with any one thing.

My biggest anxiety for awhile has been feeling unsafe in general. I had a big fear of being robbed or someone breaking into my house while I was at work. I also have a fear of someone doing it at night. Every night before I go to bed I go through my entire house just to make sure no one is hiding there (thankfully it's a smaller house), and have to check the window locks, etc. I still sleep with a light (and sometimes the TV) on, and with pepper spray and a screwdriver next to my bed just in case. Anytime I hear something that remotely sounds like a bang outside, I panic. I've been obsessively keeping up with the city police reports that they put out daily, but I know they're not super accurate because I've seen posts where the police have responded to gunshots but there's never a mention of those in the reports.

Unfortunately, my fears have now bled into my job. There have been some threats made towards someone at my workplace, not specifically in my department but in a department that mine works with regularly. I don't think that someone would target me individually because I'm low level admin. But people are just so crazy lately - what if they did? And what if they didn't even have to target me individually, what if they just came into my office and caused harm? I also have a lot of panic that what if they didn't come after me, but they came to my home and hurt my pets, or they went after my family members?

I know that I need to find a new workplace anyway, because even though I really do love my job, it really doesn't pay well (though the benefits are amazing). But this is like a kick in the pants to get moving. I was going to possibly make a push to move up in my office, but now I don't know if I should. And I have no idea what other career I'm going to step into. Or if I could have any job security with the recession coming up. I'm just so stressed and so scared.

And I was thinking, how would I even know I could find a safe place to live/work? I may be able to go somewhere that seems less likely to be under threat, but all it takes is one person to freak out. Schools aren't safe. Medical settings aren't safe. Banks probably wouldn't be. Tech might be physically safer but I'm hearing that those jobs aren't always stable. I'm just in a major panic and don't know what to do. I feel like I've made terrible life choices.

[.Poppy.]

There was a woman who was shot and killed in a Subway because she put too much mayo on a man’s sandwich. I read that and went into a panic - nothing is safe.

I was able to distract myself a bit today as I visited with family, but I’m back home and it’s just as bad or worse. It’s so hard for me to leave my house because I am so afraid someone will hurt my dog. Even with alarms and cameras, if someone wanted to do something bad they could before anyone could stop them. And I just don’t know how to feel safer.

[NoraB]

There was a woman who was shot and killed in a Subway because she put too much mayo on a man’s sandwich. I read that and went into a panic - nothing is safe.

Poppy, you're reading about it because incidents like this (in the grand scheme of things) are uncommon. The majority of Subway operatives (and people in general) go about their lives safely.

I was able to distract myself a bit today as I visited with family, but I’m back home and it’s just as bad or worse. It’s so hard for me to leave my house because I am so afraid someone will hurt my dog. Even with alarms and cameras, if someone wanted to do something bad they could before anyone could stop them. And I just don’t know how to feel safer.

Do you have OCD?

Maybe stay away from the news? Don't go seeking this stuff out...

[pulisa]

I think seeking this stuff out just feeds into the feeling of being unsafe as Nora says. Not being able to resist the lure of material which we know will be really unhelpful to us but which we just have to do because we "need" to..Or because it's a way of filling spare time?
There are a lot of "what if's" in your first post..and also that uncertainty around getting another job..You really love your job so why rock the boat now of all times? Your mental health is wobbly and putting yourself through the stress of job searching and all that entails...? This cost of living crisis must be a real trigger re your pay but is money the be all and end all? Your parents won't let you go under. Having good and stable mental health is priceless and a increased pay cheque doesn't guarantee "safety".

[Catkins]

P is right, changing jobs is extremely stressful! My view is that you can change your job, you can move house, you can even move country but you don't leave your anxiety behind (unless of course it was directly related to the work you were doing). Does that make sense? Work on the anxiety itself and when you're in a better place mentally, then think 'do I really want to change jobs?'.

[pulisa]

You certainly do take your anxiety with you! Also a change of jobs now would just bring you more uncertainty which would add to your feeling of being "unsafe". Do you really want to take on another challenge now? Who or what am I doing this for?

[.Poppy.]

Thanks for the replies. I wasn't really seeking out news at all, as I'm trying to shield from some of that stuff. It just happened across social media without much warning.

I need to switch jobs because more money would be great, but also I need to just move up/get a new challenge. My job is really stagnant and there's no room for advancement. I love it because I love the people I work with and I like a lot of what I do, it's just become a bit repetitive. It was my goal at the beginning of the year to take steps into a new career path, but honestly I'd be lying if I said my fears aren't really pushing me quickly. We have a "contact us" section on our website and a few days ago there was a rant posted about the goings on, and we heard from our marketing department that they had received calls as well. I'm not really involved with what's going on, but I am so afraid someone will see my name on the site and just lump me in, or dox me or something; and of course if they came into my totally unsecured office as well there's not much that can be done.

It's funny (ish), but my dad worked with water/wastewater and he would receive threats from people as well. So really, even the most mundane of things are risky, but that was before the pandemic. People are just so much angrier now, and it's getting worse. I just want to hide from it all. But really, for as unsafe as I personally feel I am much more concerned that something would happen to those that I love. I would never forgive myself.

I think it's less the idea of uncertainty that is making me feel unsafe, and more the thought of a mob coming after me. I'm not really afraid of the abstract, but actual people doing harm.

Nora, I've never been officially diagnosed with OCD, but there have been times on my third or fourth round of checking the house that I wonder. I may speak with my therapist about this stuff but really, there's not really anything she can do aside from support me in changing jobs, if that's the path I take. I may also talk to my mom about job changing and see what she has to say, though I am cautious to mention the outside "threats" to her as I don't want her to worry.

[.Poppy.]

I had a good time with family this weekend and mostly was able to ignore my fears, though admittedly every now and then I'd remember them and feel stressed/sad. I know I shouldn't read into anything, but before my brother left he told us all to "be careful" and that just felt a bit ominous. I met with friends for lunch today, both had gone to the local fireworks show and one asked if I heard about the shootings on the 4th, and he said he had wondered if the fireworks were a safe place to be, since its such a huge event. They had a good time but I did have to agree with him, though the area they have it is fairly spread out so a bit harder to target, I would hope.

Anyway, I have to go to work tomorrow and I won't lie, the idea of doing so has me scared and upset. But there's not really anything to be done about it, I have to go.

I did decide to at least look into job postings to see if there is anything I might qualify for. I'm still nervous about it for a handful of reasons. But I also suppose I do need to grow, as well. But I think the pandemic really changed the job landscape in a lot of ways.

I don't know if that would make me feel safer, or not. Maybe just unsafe in a different way. Everything just feels so temperamental. I spend so much time worrying about what the next "right" move is, and so afraid that I'll slip up and something bad will happen.

[.Poppy.]

I have to admit, last night was really rough. I took my dog out to use the bathroom and turned on my hose to water my plants, which is on the side of my house. I noticed that my neighbor's basement door was open. I held my dog pretty closely because I was worried someone would pop out (he doesn't like strangers) but no one did and the lights were off, and the door is still open this morning. Which made me worried that someone had kicked it in to steal something, which then made me worry more that someone could kick in my doors or my basement windows or something.

To top it off, I think people were still setting off fireworks last night. It started with some popping noises outside, that continued and got louder sometimes, but of course I spent a lot of time playing "fireworks or gunshots?". The police never appeared to come, so I guess fireworks. But between those two things I didn't get much rest at all, as every little noise I heard I was wondering if something was happening.

[Lencoboy]

I recall feeling similar anxieties back in the early 2000s when the UK went through a bit of a gun crime epidemic, though obviously not quite the same as certain other countries of the world where gun crime is generally more prevalent (sorry Poppy), plus our 'epidemic' back then was mainly concentrated in the big cities and rarely in the smaller towns and villages. Ditto for knife crime today, which, still, is not only mainly concentrated in the major cities and larger metropolitan areas, but usually involves perpetrators and victims who are known to each other (and more often than not, drug and/or gang-related), while random attacks on strangers simply for kicks are generally quite rare.

In fact, it does also seem that especially in our increasingly cashless society, more 'traditional' crimes, such as street muggings of individuals, armed robberies of shops, etc, have declined in prevalence over the past decade or so.