For as long as I can remember I have suffered with social anxiety, my earliest memory is being dropped off at nursery and crying my eyes out at being left with a group of people I didnĀ’t know.


I was was recently singled out for redundancy and my head hurts and I feel broken.


I had a colleague that I really got on well with. There were only three of us in the office and my manager was often not there, maybe in a meeting or doing something elsewhere, so I spent a lot of time with my colleague. We would laugh, chat, joke, we we would go on our lunch breaks together, and we would often have to go off on errands together, which would lead to further humorous experiences. She started a couple of months after me and about 2-3 months into her employment, she disclosed to me that she was pregnant and having an abortion. I was the first person she told at work and she later told me that she needed my support and if I hadn't provided it, she might not have felt comfortable returning to work. Four days later she told our manager. I supported her ever since. We would talk about it, she cried in my arms twice, I would text her before appointments, and I bought her a set of anxiety necklaces.


On 27th June, the Managing Director entered the room and informed me I was being made redundant due to a 'downturn in sales'. I have asked both the MD and my manager, why they selected me over my colleague and they have both blanked me. However, my manager later told my colleague that they decided to save her because they didn't want to add to her stress due to her abortion. My union have since told me that this was likely illegal as it sounds like 'gender discrimination'. I haven't taken this any further, because I made a promise to my colleague that I would not tell anyone about her abortion and if I took action it would open a can of worms and everyone would find out.


To make things worse, after everything, my colleague hasn't reached out to offer support since I left (neither has my manager).

And this morning, having spoken to a Facebook friend who was strongly advising me to challenge my dismissal, this motivated me to look back on my old WhatsApp messages with my colleague. I notice that it says she was last online eight days ago, which suggests she’s blocked me. I read online to check whether you’ve been blocked on WhatsApp, that you can try adding them to a group. If they’ve blocked you, you will receive a message, informing them they can’t be added to a group. Fully expecting to receive such a message, I added my former colleague and my former manager to a group with the title of my former department. I didn’t receive the message and the group was created; which I subsequently deleted within seconds. My social anxiety is now in overdrive, worrying that they’ve received notifications informing them that I’ve created a group with them and my former department and I’m still not convinced that she hasn’t blocked me.

The whole situation has broken me.