Hi everyone, I’m Adam. I new, but not really as I was on here a very long time ago (10-15 years?) with severe anxiety and panic attacks.
Unfortunately I’m back here again, even typing this with anxiety rushing over me!
I had an awful bout of anxiety at the end of last year which lasted about 3 months but has still lingered throughout this year as well. My main cause of anxiety is my eyes. Over the last couple of years I’ve started to get large floaters in my vision which are quite blurry and really unsettle me. They’ve got worse again in the last couple of weeks and I woke up last Saturday with a huge panic attack as I noticed my vision was blurry.
I’ve had my eyes checked and they’re okay, apart from the fact I have floating bits of blur causing me great anxiety. I guess it’s mainly because I have a huge phobia of not being able to see or my vision being affected, therefore it feels like my worst nightmare is being realised.
Since that bad panic attack last week I’ve had pretty awful anxiety every day since and it’s virtually all day, every day. The anxiety is always high and keeps leading to big panic attacks.
I keep getting big rushes of adrenaline that feels like a cold fear rushing over my body. It’s the best way I can describe it but it’s a horrible feeling. I feel sick all the time, I’m going the toilet loads, heart racing, feel hot, sweating, shaking, and thoughts are racing through all the horrible scenarios. Then when the big panic attack hits this is all much more intense along with a feeling like I’m about to go blind, die, collapse or go crazy!
It feels like I’m having a breakdown because I can’t cope with the vision problems I have and I’ve been told there’s nothing they can do about it. Every time I even think about my eyes the anxiety starts rushing over me, and I can’t ever escape what’s scaring me because I’m always going to see it!
I’m getting really depressive thoughts of “how can I go on like this?”, “how can I cope?”, “my eyesight is ruined and I’ll be terrified forever now” etc. I’m really scared that this will never end because the trigger can’t be removed so I’m going to have this severe anxiety for the foreseeable. Having anxiety this high all the time is unbearable and I wish there was something I could do to stop it.
I’m terrified I’m going to lose my mind. I just wish I could get myself to a point where I could be calm and just be able to relax. I know I have to somehow accept I’ve got some moving blurry vision but I just can’t get there. I just can’t see how I can ever get back to my normal life, right now I’m struggling to just get through the day (and night as I can’t sleep well)!
I need to get my mind thinking of other things somehow but that’s difficult when you’re eyesight is affected and you feel like you can’t do anything! My whole day is consumed by horrible thoughts and I can’t get back to thinking about ‘normal’ things again. It’s like nothing seems to matter when you feel like this!
Any advice would be most appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
Adam
Reply With Quote
