Husband had positive bowel screening test, and I'm losing it.

[pulisa]

Would you have preferred him not to have told you about this and to have just had it done?

[BlueIris]

No, I don't think so, it's part of loving someone. At least this way I can get my head in gear a bit.

[pulisa]

I ask this because I have to keep anything I have done quiet from my daughter because she will immediately catastrophise and I can't deal with that alongside my own anxiety.

It's been a shock you weren't anticipating but you will get your head in gear and you'll cope. As you always do.

[pulisa]

My son had a colonoscopy recently.. They tell you the results afterwards and give you a print out sheet too.

[BlueIris]

I get you, and with all due respect to your daughter, that's not the person I want to be.

[pulisa]

No..it really doesn't help as you know. He's going to be nervous and anxious about this but you are the expert in managing anxiety so you can help him manage his and maybe you will feel more control if you're actually helping him based on your own experiences?

[BlueIris]

I have done. He was asking some questions and I was able to help out, which helped.

We did have a laugh this morning.

I'm feeling the desperate need for reassurance, but life is fundamentally uncertain.

[pulisa]

Yes it is and no amount of reassurance at the moment will give you the certainty you crave. I'd chase up the colonoscopy and make sure you get a date so that you will have a focus and a plan. Having a plan is very important for me..Makes me feel more in control.

[ankietyjoe]

I'm sorry your'e both having to go through this right now. It absolutely sucks.

My misses was diagnosed with a triple prolapse last year as a result of the birth trauma she had 8 years ago which resulted in her current severe PTSD condition.

When we recieved the diagnosis it was ME that fell apart, it was almost like the final straw for ME. I realised recently that the state of the NHS left her in limbo for months, where she should have been diagnosed and booked in for the operation quickly, she was left to suffer for a very long time, and watching her suffer broke me.

I understand completely how you feel in terms of thinking negatively about yourself for making it about you, but when one person in a relationship has a concerning issue, it is about both of you.

I went into a spiral of self fuelled predictive grief, and a year later I'm still trying to shake it off. She had the (significant) operation and came through it ok, but I damaged myself in the process of over worrying about not only her physical state, but the potential mental fallout she'd have to go through.

The only advice I can offer as somebody who didn't do too well in the face of potential loss is just take it day by day and do whatever you can to avoid catastrophic thought.

I wish you both well.

[BlueIris]

Thanks, Joe. Going from panic attack to panic attack at the moment, it's not fun.