It's not health anxiety related but today I had to have my cat euthanized after a short battle with a brain tumour. We believe his blindness was probably the start of it over a year or so ago. It was a very peaceful passing, no meowing, no struggle, and the vet was really wonderful, and I believe he was ready to do, but it still hurt so much I burst out crying afterwards. Now I feel numb and can't seem to cry much, which is in turn - making me feel terribly guilty. It's been a very stressful week, my mum started getting palpitation continuously which wasn't normal, so she went doctors and got tests, turned out she had an extra heartbeat - which gave her that sensation. She is now on Bisop 1.25mg and seems to be doing well, and I've taken over as her carer to relieve some of her daily chores and errands. But along with that and my cat dying, it's been really upsetting, I knew he was slowly leaving, but I wanted to keep denying it until the very last moment I couldn't.
Anyway, this year has been very quiet in life, but since last November, I've lost 3 of my fur babies - first was another black cat, a rescued feral who had to have all but 2 teeth removed from a horrendous infection. We had him 3 full, happy years. The 2nd was my handsome boy, a golden retriever/samoyed cross - he was only 8yrs old and died of Lymphoma of some kind, it took him within 6 weeks, really traumatizing and whiplashed me into total heartbreak. Now, my old black who was a good age of 16yrs old - another rescue.
Then, my neighbour who we walk his dog for, an amputee, became seriously ill from a wound he was concealing from the nurses in his groin that had become infected - had to be rushed to hospital. He lost his legs due to Diabetes, he also smokes heavily, and has a very poor diet, but he is also very aggressive and stubborn - so it's been a task getting him into hospital and then cleaning his house and taking care of his dog.
I'm probably just feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party, but I feel really deflated and worn out. I turned 35 in October, but I feel much older at the moment, my bones ache, I'm tired, it took all the effort in the world to cut my hair a couple weeks back, my skin is blotchy again and my PCOS is flared up again and am having some of the heaviest periods I've had in months, if not a year (I've had all the tests, so I know it isn't anything other than that, and my thyroid). I'm also getting tests for my iron/anaemia as the doctor thinks that may be low. Apparently last time it was 17, which is quite low, and my grandmother use to have anaemia, so it may be that. I started taking multivitamins and eating more iron rich foods, but some days I don't always do that.
I just don't feel like doing anything, but at the same time am frustrated not too. I'm completely heartbroken at the loss of my cat (which some might laugh at I know, it's just a cat - but to me, their the greatest of companions and family).
I'm probably just rambling and not making much sense, but it feels like everything has been a little overwhelming. I guess I just wanted somwhere to vent my thoughts or put them down in words. I'v been numb since I came back from the vets, had dinner, took care of my dogs and other cats and just vegetated for the rest of the evening. It feels like theirs no tears left in me, is that normal?
Reply With Quote
