Can anyone be my virtual Mum

[hellosugar87]

As the title says 😆

I'm 35 years old with two kids and a husband so I feel utterly ridiculous but I've gone a large proportion of my life without a mother now (she died when I was 19)
Apart from it all being obviously horrible, I've come to realise one of the ways in which I feel I miss the most from her not being here is when I'm having a bad bad health anxiety flare up and I just have NOBODY to text and be neurotic or honest to about it.

Yes, I have a husband, and he has family, yes I have a dad that lives far away. But I just can't. I'm too ashamed to really openly talk about my stupid fears to them and if I do I don't feel any better because they say the wrong things (not on purpose...they just don't get it)

When I spiral all I can think about is how if I had a mum here I could text or message her with my stupid little questions and she'd probably text back with some reassurance because mum's are sensible and knowledgeable and I'd feel better.

I'm having a really panicky time atm and I just NEED a sensible calm and judgment free mum in my life, I feel so alone, I have a massive hole for a strong older female to talk to about all my worries. So much so I actively seek out female friendships with much older women.....but it doesn't help because once they become my friend I want to keep them as friends so I hide this part of myself from them.

Does anyone have room for me 🥺🥺🥺

[hellosugar87]

Anyone got any input? I've written three posts this week and not got a single reply to anything 😪

[BlueIris]

I hope this won't come across as rude, but what you're requesting is a big ask.

People here tend to have their own difficulties that they're coping with, and while everyone wants to help it can be tough to feel personally responsible.

Honestly, your best bet is to hang out and become part of the community - ask questions in your thread, and (importantly) answer the questions of others, too. I can say without a shred of doubt that this place looks after its own, but people tend to fare better when they bring something to the metaphorical table. I won't say this place has saved my life - that would be melodramatic - but it's absolutely saved my sanity. Hang out, engage, make friends, and the rest will come in time.

[Scass]

What Blue said is perfect!
I’m happy to reply to threads and give you some virtual hugs, but I’ve tried this with someone over WhatsApp before and it drained me. Not that you would, I’m sure but once bitten twice shy!

[Lolalee1]

You have a father, I can talk to my dad about anything you may get a shock on what a good listener he might be.

[hellosugar87]

You are absolutely right and it was really self obsessed of me to suggest.

I guess I was having a bad day and feeling totally despondent with the fact that this is my forever situation. I'll never have a mother and I can't replace that no matter what I try. I need to find better coping skills.

I do usually go to regular therapy and have done for four years but recently money ran out so I guess I'm feeling lonelier than usual when it comes to being able to talk to people that aren't going to judge me or that I feel like a burden talking to.

Sometimes the truth is hard to hear I guess.
Thanks for your replies xxx