Losing it

[NewlyScared]

I know this is part of checking but...I am completely losing it. I have convinced myself I have about 8 different serious conditions over the past week. I'm constantly on google (even ended up using my work's uni access to read academic medical papers which I clearly don't understand). I'm sleeping badly and constantly distracted.

And I can't go to the GP because when I try to actually describe my symptoms it's like...my nails look funny, so I'm dying. Or 'I know I sit weirdly on a broken chair, but I'm convinced my back pain is actually cancer'. Or 'you know those lymph nodes I've always been able to feel? Well, I can feel them'. Which would make me sound mad (because I'm going mad).

[BlueIris]

How about going to your GP and telling them that your health anxiety is truly debilitating? It worked for me.

[NewlyScared]

I probably should. But then what if it turns out that everything I'm scared of is actually true? Or I have a full on panic attack in the waiting room? (I am being massively avoidant I know)

[Mocadona]

How about going to your GP and telling them that your health anxiety is truly debilitating? It worked for me.

This is the answer! I had a lot of minor issues I was making into a big deal, went to the GP but the first thing I mentioned was my anxiety and he basically refused to give me reassurance on my ailments and we worked out a plan to deal with the actual problem.

It's good that you can recognise the things you are describing are trivial and wouldn't bother most people, so that's a great platform to start on.

[BlueIris]

Mocadona, I did the same thing. I had a health issue that was scaring the life out of me so I went to the GP and explained that I didn't want a solution, I wanted to get my anxiety under control. Luckily I saw a fantastic lady who listened and helped, which was how I started out on the road to recovery.

[NewlyScared]

This sounds good. It's not surprising that this has happened, I'd been on antidepressants for like 15 years, came off about a year ago because the depression was much better, but clearly they were also treating anxiety as I've just got worse since. I don't want to go back on meds, but also this has just got really really bad really really quickly* (I know what the root cause of the anxiety is and why it's turned into anxiety about body sensations, but that's something that's going to be harder to address)

*leaving the house after my spouse so I can take my temp and use the pulse oximeter, wandering into a department store in town that has a mechanical scale on display so I can obsess over weight, not wanting to be cuddled because I'm really aware of my heartbeat and I'm scared she'll also feel it...

[BlueIris]

From someone who used to live this life, this is no way to be living.

See your doctor, and get some help so that you can feel better.

[ankietyjoe]

I probably should. But then what if it turns out that everything I'm scared of is actually true? Or I have a full on panic attack in the waiting room? (I am being massively avoidant I know)

If it is true, you won't have much longer to worry about it, problem solved (but it's not true).

If you have a panic attack, you'll have a panic attack. So what?

But, you have to stop googling. You are feeling the way you are because you are providing yourself with many reasons to. If you don't stop googling, you cannot recover. If you keep googling, the anxiety will never leave you. Period.

[NewlyScared]

I know. The first thing to do is to distract myself. It doesn't help that I have my own office at work so I can fall down a rabbit hole easily. Which of course will cause real problems if I don't get it in hand because I need to actually do my job. Or, like, kids wake up in the night, I check on them, then...oh, look, a phone, what could be wrong with me now?

[Mocadona]

Mocadona, I did the same thing. I had a health issue that was scaring the life out of me so I went to the GP and explained that I didn't want a solution, I wanted to get my anxiety under control. Luckily I saw a fantastic lady who listened and helped, which was how I started out on the road to recovery.

Exactly the same! I got a new GP after my old one retired and he was great. It's a shame that it can be hit and miss depending on your doctor, but I think what NewlyScared has going for them is that they can see the behaviours and know they are irrational, which is where I was when I started out. The most important thing I learned was that there is no quick fix in this, I'm still only getting to grips with it but I can see a bit of improvement. For the first while the challenging/letting your thoughts go is almost constant and it's easy to say this isn't working for me, but you have to stick with it.