Contamination ocd constant handwashing

[Marie89]

This all started in 2020 with covid and the washing hands for at least 20 seconds and at work where we were disinfecting everything in the office multiple times a day. I started washing my hands after touching everything in lockdown and I am still doing this 3 years on and can't stop. I must wash my hands at least 40 times a day and also sanitise them many times a day. I go through 3 large bottles of handwash a week, sometimes more. It is so tiring and stressful I didn't really realise for a while but its actually controlling my day to day life. My hands are ruined theyre always so red, sore and itchy and have gone all horrible and wrinkly. I'm in my 30s and they have aged so much.

I no longer fear catching covid it's more a strong feeling of wanting to be clean, I hate the thought of having germs all over me it makes me feel dirty and disgusting. To me outside, public places and work are the most contaminated places. I'm always thinking about germs and trying to avoid touching things, or people, or dogs/animals. Public toilets are the worst, I avoid unless I'm desperate. Also traffic light buttons and door handles, benches, public transport, anything outside. I carry hand gel with me all the time. I have to disinfect my shopping before putting in fridge and cupboards with anti bac wipes, this is always a 2 hour process and gets stressful. I work in an office and the PC is shared so I disinfect the workstation multiple times a day bur never feels clean. We also handle mail and keys at work which causes me more stress. I sanitise my hands about 20 times a day at work, if not more.

I have different zones in my flat with different levels of cleanliness - front entrance is the most dirty and living room most clean. I can't wear outdoor clothes in my flat and I get a shower as soon as I get home, even if I just went out for a few minutes. I clean contact points regularly at home but still get a strong urge to wash hands. I try cutting down by using kitchen paper towels over my hands which helps a little but I still wash a lot and go through rolls of paper towel each week.

People gross me out a lot too and I feel so guilty because I feel like that with my own family sometimes. If I hear them in bathroom and know they havent washed their hands for long enough it makes me want to avoid getting too close. I see them touch things like light switches or handles, things in public and if they try to touch me or hug me I will pull away, or.if they want to use my phone to take a photo I won't let them. Lots of everyday little things like that. I can't stop thinking about it and I hate it but I feel such a strong feeling I have to avoid it. Now I've written this all down it scares me how I've become like this, I just don't know what to do.

Thanks if you've read all of this and sorry for the long post.

[Marie89]

This all started in 2020 with covid and the washing hands for at least 20 seconds and at work where we were disinfecting everything in the office multiple times a day. I started washing my hands after touching everything in lockdown and I am still doing this 3 years on and can't stop. I must wash my hands at least 40 times a day and also sanitise them many times a day. I go through 3 large bottles of handwash a week, sometimes more. It is so tiring and stressful I didn't really realise for a while but its actually controlling my day to day life. My hands are ruined theyre always so red, sore and itchy and have gone all horrible and wrinkly. I'm in my 30s and they have aged so much.

I no longer fear catching covid it's more a strong feeling of needing to be clean, I hate the thought of having germs all over me it makes me feel dirty and disgusting. To me, outside, public places and work are the most contaminated places. I'm always thinking about germs and trying to avoid touching things, or people, or dogs/animals. Public toilets are the worst, I avoid unless I'm desperate. And also the ground, this morning on my way to work I dropped my bag on the ground outside and I felt so disgusting picking it up and I now feel so contaminated and my coat and work clothes are filthy and feel like I need to throw my bag away. I won't because I really like the bag but I will have to soak it (and my work clothes) in disinfectant in a bucket and after its dry probably leave it a few weeks until I feel I can use it again. Also things like traffic light buttons, self checkouts, chip and pin machines, and door handles, benches, public transport, basically anything outside. I carry hand gel with me all the time. I have to disinfect my shopping before putting in fridge and cupboards with anti bac wipes, this is always a 2 hour process and gets stressful. I work in an office and the PC is shared so I disinfect the workstation multiple times a day bur never feels clean. We also handle mail and keys at work which causes me more stress. I sanitise my hands about 20 times a day at work, if not more.

I have different 'zones' in my flat with different levels of cleanliness - front entrance is the most dirty and living room most clean. I can't wear outdoor clothes in my flat and I get a shower as soon as I get home, even if I just went out for a few minutes. I clean contact points regularly at home but still get a strong urge to wash hands. I try cutting down by using kitchen paper towels over my hands which helps a little but I still wash a lot and go through rolls of paper towel each week.

People gross me out a lot too, I cant stand anyone touching me or my stuff or being too close to me. It makes me feel so guilty because I feel like that with my own family too. I dont trust that they are clean enough because of things I've seen people do. If I hear a family member in bathroom and hear the tap running and know they havent washed their hands for long enough it makes me want to avoid getting too close to them. I see them touch things like light switches or handles, things in public and if they try to touch me or hug me I will pull away, or.if they want to use my phone to take a photo I won't let them. Lots of everyday little things like that. I can't stop thinking about it and I hate it but I feel such a strong feeling I have to avoid it. Now I've written this all down it scares me how I've become like this, I just don't know what to do.

Thanks if you've read all of this and sorry for the long post.

[BlueIris]

Have you spoken to your doctor about this, Marie?

[Catkins]

I agree with Blueiris, if you haven't spoken to your GP do. Maybe think about some CBT?

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

[Scass]

Hi Marie,

Well done for being so brave and writing it all down.
It really is worth talking to your dr so that you can start to get some help for your anxiety. You don’t need to have these fears, or rituals to help keep them at bay.

You’re definitely not alone, there will be lots of people with the same contamination concerns.

Let us know how you get on with your dr. You could always show them your post if you are worried about what to say.