Hello all. I'd like to preface this post by confirming that my rational side is very aware that I'm >99.99999999% safe and am spiraling over nothing. However, my anxiety continues to prey on that <0.00000000000001% chance that something is genuinely wrong and refuses to subside.
About 8 months ago, a couple friends and I were fishing at a local river at night. At some point, my one friend expresses shock at something. My other friend and I both ask what happened, and he says he just saw a bat fly between us. At the time, I didn't think anything about it because I was completely unaware it was even near me. Fast forward a month, and I'm going about my day as usual when I randomly am made aware of a little bit more saliva in my mouth than usual. "That's weird,", I thought, "isn't that a symptom of rabies or something?" So I started googling. Quite possibly the worst mistake of my life.
That very same night, I started having visceral physical symptoms out of nowhere. Seemingly all the symptoms I had read about earlier in the day were happening to me all at once. Muscle spasms, increased saliva, trouble swallowing. I was now convinced I had rabies. For several weeks after that night, I lived in constant fear that the next day would be the day the virus would leave me bedridden and I would die and leave my family mourning. Some time passed, however, and eventually I managed to get the fear somewhat under control and return to my old life.
Early this March, I had a bit of a relapse. I suddenly had a mild, "piercing" sensation in my head that I didn't recall having had before. Alongside the headache came random bouts of paresthesia on my scalp. I was thrown for a loop and had panic attacks, undoubtedly due to my subconscious irrational side fearing rabies once again. My lower back began to ache, feeling as though the muscles were tightened into a ball. I felt horrible. 18 days later and the symptoms still persisted, but by then I had managed to calm myself down by assuring that had the symptoms been due to rabies, I'd have been dead by then. A part of me still sought reassurance, however, and I decided to do the ridiculous act of googling to confirm I was safe. I only managed to do the opposite.
This latest googling fiasco led me down the rabbit hole of "slow" rabies, a variant that supposedly kills its victims over a much longer period of time than normal, "furious" rabies. I was immediately sent into my worst spiral to date. That same night, I was wracked with a new batch of physical symptoms; paresthesia in my limbs, muscle weakness, fatigue. My lower back pain worsened after reading that it was a symptom in one case, now feeling as though the pain was emanating from my nerves themselves rather than the muscles. On top of all this, my family had suddenly all come down with what is almost certainly another illness. My mind latched onto this as well, convinced that they all had rabies and were doomed due to my inability to act and go get tested. I had become a nervous wreck.
For the past week now, sleep has been so hard to come by. The back pain still persists, and feels as though its spreading up my back and down to my hips. Last night, the pain was sharper than usual and came alongside an extra numb feeling in my right foot. I was convinced that paralysis was setting in, and went into a fresh panic attack. I'm honestly at my wits end with all this, and don't know where to begin getting help. I know this is irrational, but I can't for the life of me brush it aside long enough to get a meaningful semblance of normalcy back. I apologize for the autobiography, but if anyone could give me guidance on this I would greatly appreciate it.
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