MND/ALS concerns

[greeneyedgirl]

I feel that I just need to write down my concerns. I'm hoping that it is health anxiety but then also I know that this is very bad in itself.

My health anxiety has completely spiralled in the last 18 months. Although I was more aware of my health, it wasn't as bad as it is now. There has been trauma in my past and also I think I am in perimenopause and I recognise that this is a time when HA is elevated. In the past, I've 'had' breast cancer, ovarian cancer, metastatic bone cancer, lung cancer, brain tumours, MS etc.

In Oct/Nov/Dec/Jan 2021/2022 I convinced myself that I had pancreatic cancer. I had a whole host of symptoms. I was very convinced. I'm always very convinced.

In Oct last year, I started with an eye twitch that spread to widespread body jerks and twitches. I'd previously had some random head pain/nasal pain, dizziness, confusion/feeling of cotton wool in my head and told myself that I had a brain tumour. A clear MRI showed I didn't have a brain tumour and the head/nasal pain, dizziness, foggy - confusion stuff went away but the twitches and jerks have remained.

I now think that I have MND. I am female, 45, no family history, not athletic.

My difficulty is that I always develop yet another symptom. I tell myself that I haven't seen it elsewhere or searched for it and that it has just happened spontaneously so it adds credibility to my self-diagnosis. This has happened yet again.

On the surface, I am educated, rational, I function ok in most of the (day) time. I can tell myself that anxiety can cause all of the things I have and that it is infinitely more common (and what I suffer with) but just under the surface I'm a mess - Googling, visiting forums, researching, drinking too much, withdrawing. I tell myself that I am searching positively. I'm not looking for symptoms of MND but instead I try find why I don't have it but the outcome always seems to be the same.

I don't want to add lots of symptoms to my post, as I know this fuels other people with HA who might be worried about MND (or might not, like I wasn't), but then I also feel I need to get it out. I'm experiencing twitching and jerking when at rest, widespread throughout my body and bilaterally. When I read the sticky and tell myself that this it is extremely rare for widespread, bilateral twitching/jerking then the jerking and twitching becomes more concentrated. Some numbness and tingling - I know that the motor nerves are affected that it tends not to be sensory. Some breathing dysfunction, which is the latest thing and was something existing that I didn't even focus on until I stumbled across it in another post here. Some clicking noises and sensations. A little bit of pain in some areas. I have low mood and sadness, irritability and OCD type obsessions. The twitching and jerking has gone on since October 22.

I've never had anxiety cause movements in my body before. I've had it cause pain so this is a whole new territory for me. Again, the breathing thing is very different and new.

I've seen a neurologist and what I don't have is weakness, atrophy or hypereflexia (sp?). I've read the sticky - a lot.

I've started HRT in the last month. I'm not on any anti-depressants. I'm not in therapy currently but have had it previously. I've resisted writing on the forum but I needed an outlet tonight.

Thank you for reading.

[Fishmanpa]

I can appreciate that writing your fears down can be beneficial but doing so on a public forum quite simply is reassurance seeking. That said, all the reassurance you need is in your post in that scientific medical tests and trained and educated medical professionals have given you all the reassurance you need. I get it as I've seen and responded to thousands of similar threads through the years. You have a lot going on mentally according to your post but I think you know the deal Hope you feel better soon.

FMP

[greeneyedgirl]

Thank you Fishmanpa. You’re right. After I wrote this out last night, I searched for a therapist in my area and will make contact today.

I also clicked on the link in your signature to Robin Hall’s CBT/anxiety workbooks and have started the first one this morning.

Your responses make a real difference. Thank you again.

[Mocadona]

Good for you! You can see in that post you were really trying to talk yourself into it and not trying to talk yourself out of it. Only one small line on the most important piece of all - a neurologist has confirmed you have no evidence of this disease. You can use that as a launchpad for your therapy. Best of luck with it!

[Hypo84]

If it helps, I have body spread twitches that are non-stop in some body areas for almost a year and a half. No MDN as I would probably know it by now. Tried magnesium, B12, other B complex vitamins, nothing helped. It seems like it's stress.