Partner told me it's over again. Happens every summer.

[WiredIncorrectly]

It’s been a rocky time for me folks, so I am sorry if I’ve not been around. I’m in a bit of a hole. Not a deep one, but it’s a hole non the less.

Yesterday my partner told me it’s over. It came out of the blue to be honest. She had prepared a pre-written letter and sent it me on Skype.

She’s been depressed for at least a year. I’ve taken over all the responsibilities in the house, and with the dogs. She spends most of her time in bed watching TV. I cook, clean etc. After I’ve done what needs to be done, I relax to do some of my hobbies and then go to bed.

And that’s been my life for a good while. I bottle my mental health problems up. I keep my anxiety and panic attacks away from her. She thinks I’m well, but I’m just plodding along to help her.

Her nan passed recently and she’s had to travel to and from Preston to look after her Grandad. The past month she’s been away from home. It’s just been me and my son.

We missed her so much, but when she came back, she didn’t seem happy. Our son got upset because he wanted a cuddle and she told him to basically leave her alone. My son is old enough to understand things now, he's 15, and even he's confused over what is going on with her.

She’s been back 6 days now, and yesterday she decided it was over. I did not read this letter; I caught a glimpse of it but I wasn’t being sucked into it. I know in my heart I am a good person who has only helped her. The letter started with something about not spending time together.

How can you spend time with somebody who doesn’t want to? She remains in bed. I’ve asked her if she wants to watch a movie, play monopoly, walk the dogs. She doesn’t want to. So I do not know what she means by this. I do not want to sit in bed all day with her, and even when I have done that she’s moody.

I just feel like I’ve been pooped on in this occasion. I could understand if we’d been having arguments and problems but we haven’t.

She told me the other week not to move out and to cancel the housing application. So I did. And now I’ve got to restart it again.

It feels like I’ve grieved the loss of this relationship a while ago. That time she kicked me out 3 years ago. Around the same time actually. Infact, she has a problem with me every summer. But I’ve done the hurt. We don’t sleep together, haven’t slept together for a very long time.

I know it’s time to move on. I am in a good place mentally at the moment, thank God. I can handle this. But, I am just confused by her actions. She has lost her friends, and told them to literally “f off”. She said that to them.

Just because she is mentally unwell does not give her the right to treat people with disrespect. Especially the people that have been there for her. My mental health has never been an excuse for my actions, and people here know that when I mess up I feel terrible and look for solutions to avoid that in the future.

But she is not proactive about anything. I want her to get well again. For her. This relationship has crumbled away, but she can not live a life like this.

I'm sleeping on the floor in the living room, which has actually improved my sleep believe it or not. I enjoy sleeping on the floor.

Today me and my son are working on making a game. The sun is out so might go for a walk with him. Feeling a bit anxious at the moment though and oddly lightheaded. The bright light does that to me.

I've got an idea to make some money this summer if my MH remains on point. I have a styhl petrol strimmer, it's a beast. I am going to knock on doors and ask if people want their grass cutting. My friends think it's a good idea that will work. I need to wait until I get some money so I can buy petrol can, some petrol, bags and a rake. I will invest the money from gardening into a grass blower and a lawnmower and then work on my driving lessons so I can get a van and expand. At the moment local is fine. I've been working on this idea for a bit, I think I posted a thread about it a while ago but I didn't have money to buy the strimmer at that point.

Slow and steady wins the race eh'. I've told the doctor my plans and that I need some help mentally so I can do this. He was overjoyed and has referred me to the mental hospital for evaluation. I need to get over this panic outdoors.

Sorry folks, just ranting a little.

[WiredIncorrectly]

I'm still doing things and letting her relax. Regardless of the status of our relationship I know she is depressed.

Her actions have been wacky for a while. She got stranded at Liverpool Lime Street after missing a train and had to sleep outside the station as the closed at 10:30. I stayed awake all night to talk with her and made sure she was ok. I ended up having no sleep that day but thankfully she was ok. She made a decision on a whim and missed the train. And she's cut off all her friends which is not like her either.

She's in a hole, and when she gets out of it the world may have changed. Sometimes we have to take new directions and my son is old enough to be heading off to college and uni soon so he's not so much affected by a breakup. He understands. I think I've stuck around for him too, to keep him on track and focused. I think it's important to have both parents while growing up.

I just want her to get better and for her to enjoy life again.

[BlueIris]

You're a good man, James. Take solace in that. I'm sure she'll come to her senses once the depression has passed.

One thing: fairly sure Lime Street doesn't close at 10.30, there are definitely trains that go after 11pm. Heck, I caught one there after 10.30 a few weeks back and the shops were still open then.

[Catkins]

Sending good vibes James

[MyNameIsTerry]

James mate, you know despite reading all this what strikes me is the strength you retain. You could have written all about your world ending and how you feel but actually you are coming across as positive, caring and compassionate. You've just had a big kick in the love spuds yet you haven't gone down any rabbit holes.

Look what that says about you: you're in a good place, you're strong.

I get what you are saying about mental health not being an excuse. We do have to take responsibility for our behaviour. The trouble is we don't always see it until we climb out of a hole. Surely she would see how her actions would hurt her son? So maybe if she can find a way out she will see things differently? She will see a good guy trying to help her.

The same with the friends. She's retreating. Some mental health sufferers are chasing reassurance or draining others with the need for attention. Some push everyone away. I'm the latter. Maybe what should be considered is a bigger picture? Maybe you need to decide if even if you could help her would you stay together? Even if you split you can still be friends and you have your son between you. What I'm trying to say is you can still help her if you want to.

It might also be a good idea if she gets some independent help through her GP and some therapy? It may benefit her to talk to someone outside of her relationships? She may even be afraid to unload her feelings because she doesn't want to be a burden. And a recent bereavement is only going to add to this. A professional may consider any reoccurring patterns of behaviour, anything cyclical which may point to specific mental health problems.

I'm also pleased to hear you have a plan for work. I'm telling you though, watch out for those suburban middle aged house wives. If you turn up in a vest with a can of coke...

[WiredIncorrectly]

You're a good man, James. Take solace in that. I'm sure she'll come to her senses once the depression has passed.

One thing: fairly sure Lime Street doesn't close at 10.30, there are definitely trains that go after 11pm. Heck, I caught one there after 10.30 a few weeks back and the shops were still open then.

I may have the times confused. Think it was 11.30 when her last train left, then they locked the station shortly after. She shared her location at about 1am because I tried to direct her to the airport where she could wait until the morning but it was too far. And thank you, I try to be a good person because problems and stress are no good for the brain.

[WiredIncorrectly]

James mate, you know despite reading all this what strikes me is the strength you retain. You could have written all about your world ending and how you feel but actually you are coming across as positive, caring and compassionate. You've just had a big kick in the love spuds yet you haven't gone down any rabbit holes.

Look what that says about you: you're in a good place, you're strong.

I get what you are saying about mental health not being an excuse. We do have to take responsibility for our behaviour. The trouble is we don't always see it until we climb out of a hole. Surely she would see how her actions would hurt her son? So maybe if she can find a way out she will see things differently? She will see a good guy trying to help her.

The same with the friends. She's retreating. Some mental health sufferers are chasing reassurance or draining others with the need for attention. Some push everyone away. I'm the latter. Maybe what should be considered is a bigger picture? Maybe you need to decide if even if you could help her would you stay together? Even if you split you can still be friends and you have your son between you. What I'm trying to say is you can still help her if you want to.

It might also be a good idea if she gets some independent help through her GP and some therapy? It may benefit her to talk to someone outside of her relationships? She may even be afraid to unload her feelings because she doesn't want to be a burden. And a recent bereavement is only going to add to this. A professional may consider any reoccurring patterns of behaviour, anything cyclical which may point to specific mental health problems.

I'm also pleased to hear you have a plan for work. I'm telling you though, watch out for those suburban middle aged house wives. If you turn up in a vest with a can of coke...

Her GP referred her for counselling and she attends once a week, but since she's been up and down to Preston she hasn't been able to attend. She has an appointment at the local mental hospital for an evaluation.

Will be back to reply more shortly, I need to pop to the shops.

Thank you Terry, Blue and Catkins <3

[WiredIncorrectly]

I have some time to reply properly.

James mate, you know despite reading all this what strikes me is the strength you retain. You could have written all about your world ending and how you feel but actually you are coming across as positive, caring and compassionate. You've just had a big kick in the love spuds yet you haven't gone down any rabbit holes.

Look what that says about you: you're in a good place, you're strong.

I've grieved a while ago. It's like when my Dad was dying of Cancer, when he actually died I had already grieved.

I'm going through some crazy anxiety at the moment that is kicking my backside. And luck isn't on my side right now, I seem to be facing problem after problem, but I have to remain upbeat and positive. I tend to find regardless of the situation if you remain positive it's easier to combat.

I get what you are saying about mental health not being an excuse. We do have to take responsibility for our behaviour. The trouble is we don't always see it until we climb out of a hole. Surely she would see how her actions would hurt her son? So maybe if she can find a way out she will see things differently? She will see a good guy trying to help her.

The same with the friends. She's retreating. Some mental health sufferers are chasing reassurance or draining others with the need for attention. Some push everyone away. I'm the latter. Maybe what should be considered is a bigger picture? Maybe you need to decide if even if you could help her would you stay together? Even if you split you can still be friends and you have your son between you. What I'm trying to say is you can still help her if you want to.

This is true. I am helping her and things at home are basically normal. The only difference is I am sleeping on the floor in the living room. She said I can sleep in the bed, but my brain needs that seperation. Sleeping in the same bed could cause some confusion. We haven't slept together in a while, probably January time, so it's not like I'm missing anything

I will help her always. I care for her. I spent a long time with her. But this has happened a few times, and I can't live in fear of receiving another "dear John" letter.

We both deserve happiness, wherever that may be.

It might also be a good idea if she gets some independent help through her GP and some therapy? It may benefit her to talk to someone outside of her relationships? She may even be afraid to unload her feelings because she doesn't want to be a burden. And a recent bereavement is only going to add to this. A professional may consider any reoccurring patterns of behaviour, anything cyclical which may point to specific mental health problems.

Her assessment is soon, so hopefully they can get her on the right medications. Her mom is bipolar, and her mothers husband. They recently had a spat similar to this too.

I'm also pleased to hear you have a plan for work. I'm telling you though, watch out for those suburban middle aged house wives. If you turn up in a vest with a can of coke...

I'm both nervous, and excited. And I need to spend a few weeks on the weights and trim up lmao. At the moment my anxiety is telling me I'll die if I lift weights

[fishman65]

Hi James, just thought I’d say really well done on your attitude and general direction you’re taking with this situation. Terry has covered all the bases bless him but you’re dealing with a potentially problematic and emotionally charged issue with a great deal of maturity and positivity.

Take care buddy and all the best to both you and your girlfriend.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Hi James, just thought I’d say really well done on your attitude and general direction you’re taking with this situation. Terry has covered all the bases bless him but you’re dealing with a potentially problematic and emotionally charged issue with a great deal of maturity and positivity.

Take care buddy and all the best to both you and your girlfriend.

Thank you Fishman! I hope you're doing ok mate.

I got my bidding number this morning but I can not log in until Thursday. I am band-1. She is also moving, but she's going up north to Preston.

I think my son is staying with me until he finishes school, because to uproot him from his friends, and him having GCSE's next year, would not be fair on him.

Had a good chat with her this morning. There's no hard feelings. She needs to find her feet in life again, and I need to do the same for myself.

I'm both excited, and nervous.

She's let me take our German Shepard, so I am thankful to her for that.