I went to the doctors. I never wanted medication. They said 'I know it's getting worse, but I want you to go to therapy first'.
This was a month ago and I still haven't got an appointment, the only way I can get one before Christmas time is if there's a cancelation!
I'm at University. I'm paying for my course... I love my course... but going to classes is the trigger to it all.
If I don't keep up 80% attendance, (I've been to one class in two weeks, and a few weeks before that I've had to run out of class in mid panic) I will be asked to leave. I'm missing out on the first few months of Uni, which is vital enough. I haven't completed one project yet, and theres been a few, as well as two essays and presentations.
I've tried breathing excercises. I've tried distracting myself. I've tried going out more in my spare time to feel just generally happier. I've tried relaxing in my spare time too. I've tried to push myself. I've stayed on a bus for an hour having a panic attack, which lasted longer than that, just to make it to college. Most of the time, I couldn't go. Or if I could make it, I'd run out of class within 5 minutes.
I migth as well just quit Uni. I've tried all of those things and when I go back to the doctors, hoping for medication, just so I can attend Uni and break the viscious circle and get on with my life. But no, they said 'get paper bags and breathe in it'. Yes, but that also requires leaving class, and then I'd probably get another panic attack at the thought of going back in the class, so I stay out and miss even more classes.
I know I'm also becoming quite depressed too, not really bad, but I've been down all year and panic attacks have slowly made it worse.
What circumstances must it take to get the medication?
I can't get therapy, self help isn't working... It's putting my future career at risk!