Hi All
I'm Davey305
Not sure, where to start or what to say.
Basically, I'm in a right mess in life ... and at 63yrs old never planned to find myself in this situation.
You name it .. it's gone wrong, since 2008.
Had a breakdown back then, followed by my wife bailing out and divorce me. This cost me what was originally my house.
Then forced into renting ... elderly parents had moved, so I rented nearby and virtually renovated their property for them. Yes, I was paid a bit, but it was done more out of caring. My sister and her children/grandchildren never came near the place.
Sadly, my Dear Mum began to go downhill and it was later found after my sister and Dad had got shot of her in a care home, that she had dementia.
I was very close to my Mum and it ripped me to shreds ... then came the Diazepam addiction. I had been taking just a small amount after my breakdown on prescription, as I couldn't get on with anti-depressants.
It gradually got out of control, as when I moved, I changed surgery, who just put them on repeat prescription, so i had stock piled them.
I did actually seek help from the NHS to stop the dependence, but they made a right mess of things and I got nowhere.
It was then I started buying them online and with visiting my Mum in the care home, it grew and grew and I ended up taking 50mgs a day.
Sadly, I had to sop seeing my Dear Mum, as I eventually lost her ... she no longer knew who I was.
She was then following numerous falls, put into palliative care. My Dad also stopped going at that point as she became so aggressive.
I then moved in with my Dad in 2019, to keep a close eye on him and save rent. Sadly, he never really opened up about his obvious deep grief.
Then came Covid and my he turned on me big time ... if it wasn't Boris's fault it was mine.
He deteriated and got so bad my sister was coming over, as he believed her garbage,
The next thing I knew, from seeing his calendar was my sister had arranged for him to go into a care home as well.
So, I was just left here ... still crammed into one small room unable to go into the front room, that the sister and I had cleared. I also avoid his bedroom where possible, but my belongings are now in there in boxes.
Things just got worse and through my trusted counsellor (who I'd been seeing since 2008) I was then back to the NHS via the Crisis Team, as I had become suicidal. (I've had a plan put I place since 2018)
Long story short .... After 5 months, I finally got to see a Psychiatrist and have been diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, grief reaction and Diazepam Addiction.
My Dear Dad died back in December 2021 and then my Dear Mum in April this year.
The sister, is now keeping well clear of me and hasn't been over here for about a year. She really has the solicitor who's dealing with it all on side. So, it's two against one.
She clearly, has done everything for my parents out of duty and now they are gone, expects me to just disappear to sell this place.
No, I really don't want to be here, but with no savings to speak of, no income, my many health problems and not a cat in halls chance of renting anywhere. I'm stuck ... just waiting for who knows what.
Obviously the anxiety is off the scale ... I've got myself down to 20mgs a day on the Diazepam, which the Psychiatrist thankfully got my GP to prescribe, until I get an appointment to see a psychologist for treatment, which could be many many months.
By which time I could well be living in my car, with my belongings in storage.
So, yes ... I'm in a panic
That's it for now ... thank you for your time.
Peace to you all
Davey
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