Current Situation - Rock Bottom

[LittleLionMan]

Hi all,

I just wanted to reach out and summarise where I am to see if anyone can offer any light that might make me feeling a little less hopeless.

As you will have seen from my previous thread, I’ve had a really anxious time lately, starting with me being fixated on everyone going away on trips, and me being left on my own for days at a time, which happened nearly every week or every other week for a few months.

Since then, my anxiety levels have become out of control, I’ve spiralled. I’m anxious 24/7, and where before my anxiety was GAD with very rare panic attacks, I’m now having them every day, even lying in my own bed. I’ve become scared to do anything, haven’t showered in a week, and can’t really do anything. It just never eases. I’m forcing enough food down me to keep me going but it’s not enough.
I have a referral to a psychiatrist from the GP and am trying to find a private one to look at meds, as the NHS have been less than useless.

I’ve basically become frozen to do anything that might actually help me. Does anyone have any advice on steps I can take to get myself out of it?

[BlueIris]

Okay, I know you won't want to hear this, but...

Get up. Have a shower. Being clean when you're mentally ill is really hard but it does make you feel better, and I say that as somebody who struggles to shower.

Put clothes on, comfy ones. New ones are the best because they just feel different, but anything clean and non-restrictive.

Go out into the garden and focus on the grass, the birds, anything you can see or hear.

Engaging your senses will help you ignore the screaming in your brain.

[LittleLionMan]

Hi mate.

Yeah, the shower is something I find really uncomfortable for some reason. I can’t wait to get back out of it, and then almost feel woozy afterwards which leads to anxiety. I will try and add it back in to my night time routine though.

I’ve been trying to walk outside when I go for my cigarettes, but it doesn’t seem to help.

I also need a haircut and a shave, I look like a yeti, as both have been months.

[BlueIris]

Next steps: try a cooler shower? I find hot water makes me feel weirder than lukewarm.

Going outside might not help but it'll absolutely stop things getting worse and your world narrowing any further than it already has.

Have a shave now, then find a hairdresser who'll come and visit. Try changing your style, even; seeing somebody different when you look in the mirror can be a real boost.

[LittleLionMan]

That’s a good idea, maybe it’s the increase in heat that is making me woozy - will try tonight.

Yeah, I’ve got to keep doing as much as I can haven’t I. I haven’t been able to have my haircut by anyone else for years, so will do it f when I can.

[Darksky]

What are you eating? Have you tried any of the calorie rich meal supplements….Complan and the like. Mixed with whole milk 250ml can give you 400 calories. My mother has it. I’m trying to think of that other drink? Huell? Or something like that.

If drinking is easier, make yourself easy to swallow food. Soups (Cream of) yoghurts, eggs etc. The more calories you get in you the better you will feel. Then as you feel better you can progress to a greater variety of food.

But BI is spot on. If you look rough…( sorry not meaning to be rude) you will feel rough. Get a lukewarm shower, have a shave, wash your hair. Doesn’t matter if it needs a cut. Long hair is ok. Change your bedding. Get some clean fleecy pjs on and look after yourself. Your body is trying to get back to the status quo, however hard it seems to believe that…so help it along. Don’t punish your body for your anxiety. Sit outside, it’s nice today. The robins are singing.

Have you been given any time scale as to getting professional help?

[LittleLionMan]

I’ve found some wholegrain breakfast bars that I seem to be able to eat ok, and they are 195 calories each, so them an I normally try and get a small evening meal down me. It’s not so much the eating, it’s the fear of eating making me anxious… I’m basically scared everything is going to make me panic, so I’m stuck doing nothing, which is obviously creating it’s own panic.

No offence taken, I look rough. Unwashed, unshaven, and at a dangerously low weight isn’t pretty.

If I try and work, it’s like my mind can’t handle it and overwhelms me, which is frustrating.

I have a private psychologist who isn’t proving much use to be honest, but the main message is that I need to get my attention off myself and my anxiety, which makes perfect sense, but it’s impossible when my mind isn’t capable of anything else, and if I sit quietly I panic over frankly nothing. I’m trying all sorts of things like crosswords, going through the horse racing cards, watching tv, anything in the hope to just give my mind a break, but nothing helps. The NHS have given me a referral to a private psychiatrist, but I just need to find the right one.

[Catkins]

Can you ask for some anti-anxiety meds from GP for the time between your referral and seeing a psychiatrist?

[LittleLionMan]

I’m terrified of taking medications because of past experiences, so the big thing with the psychiatrist will be to discuss all my concerns with him and put my mind at ease so that hopefully I can bring myself to take them.

I haven’t taken so much as a paracetamol in over 10 years.

[LittleLionMan]

I had a cooler shower last night, and although I was already really anxious, I didn’t get woozy feeling - good tip from Blue there.
I got slightly calmer when I was in bed, which I normally do, but I never feel like I’ve slept and was having a panic attack within 10 minutes of waking up which is still coming in waves now, and this tends to be me for the day now - this is the cycle I need to try and break.