I'm done. So stressed.

[WiredIncorrectly]

This isn't good.

Since the dogs have been here my mental health has been slowly declining. It's hard looking after them and having them in a home that it too small.

Last night I put my dog in his crate, and left the old tymer out. He pee'ed and pooped all over my floor. I was livid, because he gets let out often. This was the reason why I didn't leave him out at night.

My GS has now picked this up and did exactly the same thing. He's never done it before, and I let him our for a wee and poop 30 minutes before. It's not his fault though, because last night I couldn't do his nighttime walk. I was in a mess mentally and spent the day lying on my bed.

I called the ex and asked her for help, and all I am getting back is "how is this fair for me?", and "you're always moaning about those dogs", or "I have to walk 20 mins from the hotel" ... so?! And what winds me up is when her friend calls, she's off in a shot no moaning about walking or whatever pains she has. Yet when I mention something, she's too ill to move.

I feel like I'm being used here. Her cousin came down and she doesn't even speak to me. Yet, when her cousin wasn't here she was calling me constantly because she was bored. I tell her not to do this because it interrupts whatever I'm doing. But she does it anyway.

Her friend took her out to get some shopping yesterday. It annoyed me, because I have spent all my money to make sure she and my son are fed. But her friend sits there and slates me like I'm a bad person and won't bother to help me out. She doesn't have to, but she shouldn't slate me when all I've done is help my ex. But my ex couldn't even tell her friend that the food is coming to mine to be stored and cooked. Instead her friend made her go back to the old house to get her slow cooker and toaster, and told her to keep the food in the hotel. What?!

I'm just fed up. My own mental health has took a massive hit, and everybody is living life like this is expected of me and I should be doing this. This is choice that I regret I made. I've been abused and taken the piss out of for other peoples benefit.

Mental hospital has kicked me off and I need to get a re-referral. All because my mom couldn't get here on time to take me. My doctor there said he is refusing to book me another appointment and I need to go through the process again.

I'm just stuck. I lay on bed last night and kept having thoughts of self harm, and thinking my life would be easier if I just ended it.

I'm stuck, and lost. I just want to be alone and don't want any of this mess. Non of it is my fault. I am getting no help for doing this.

I thought living next door to a crazy lady was bad, this is 10x worse.

I feel like a psychic at the moment. I predicted all this would happen. I told her to keep away from that lady, I told my son before I left. Now my son is asking "how did you know this would happen?" ... because I can see scumbags from a mile off.

Arughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I can feel myself entering self destruct mode. I feel like breaking the law to end up in prison so people leave me alone. It was peaceful in jail. Non of this crap.

[Carnation]

Wired, it feels 10x worse because you've had so many knocks lately. In reality you know it's not and only a short while ago you were excited about your plans and building a future. Families can cause grief and worry and because you have a kind heart and easy going there will be times you will be taken advantage of.
Do you put yourself first, probably not, but it's time you start doing that.
The old saying 'you give an inch, they take a yard', so very true to life.
Most of your problems and issues are caused by others, not you, so you need to reign in a bit and find solace for yourself. Be a bit selfish, you deserve it. I'm sure the people around you realise your mental health so they need to be reminded of that.
Have some chill time. Watch some of those 70s TV programmes you like. Just do the basics until you feel you can do more.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Thank you Carnation. I feel like this is my only place to vent. I don't have nobody to talk to, and I feel bad that I vent sometimes. Sorry for being a pain.

I've still got those plans. But, now the dogs have messed in the house it feels dirty and I feel very uncomfortable. I've cleaned the floor multiple times, and scrubbed it with a scouring pad. I feel like the cleanliness of my home has been ruined now. Makes me feel awful.

After the dogs messed I got annoyed and shouted "in your bed". This caused a panic attack and I was finding it hard to breath. Took half hour for my heartrate to calm down and I've been shaky all day.

I think I'm a bit depressed. Or maybe a lot depressed. I really needed to see the doctor because he's the only person that can alter my meds and make changes to my treatment. The regular GP is not allowed to. But now it's going to be months of waiting for the referral again.

I love the old 70's shows. I forgot about those! I've been watching crime documentaries, which probably don't help. Open all hours gives me a good giggle so going to watch that.

Hey, do you have any suggestions on films that are similar in style to Rita and Sue? I am going to watch that again. There was one film where a school class went on a coach trip, I remember a scene where they were in a shop in the countryside and the kids pilfered the place. Can't think of what that film is.

I feel like the problems are completely out of my control. And when my head gets in those states I start thinking people hate me, and are out to do some sort of harm to me. It's like extreme paranoia. And I didn't have this problem before. I was doing great, and feeling so relaxed when I first moved here. I sometimes feel like even the dogs are doing it on purpose to me. I know they're not but it defiantly feels that way in the moment.

I know the day will come when I will get that back. I might continue decorating today, or wait until weekend when my son is home. He's at a family friends so he can go to school, he comes back weekends.

[Carnation]

Have you seen Afterlife by Ricky Gervais? I highly recommend it.
Rita, Sue and Bob too is a one off. Great classic.
Mike Leigh films are quite good....
Life is Sweet
Abigail's Party
Another film you might like is Wish You were Here.
I can't think what the school bus film is, it might come to me later.

Wired you know what the saying is?
'If something is out of your control, then why worry about it'. If its in your control then you have options.

[Catkins]

Sorry you're having a rough time Wired. You have had so much stress lately that it could well be backlash from that. Take it easy and spend time doing things for you. An idea about the dog mess, once you've cleaned it up spray it with lemon water, the smell of lemon is supposed to put them off doing it again in the same place. Also you could maybe put puppy pads down on the off chance if they do go it might land on there.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Was a better day yesterday and today. Spent the day wiping walls down with sugar soap. Today I'm filling in some holes, and sanding down the wood and then I should be ready to paint. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and everything has to be "perfect" (whatever that means). I want the finish to look really nice.

I will get some pics so I can show before and after By next weekend I should have the rugs. I wish I could get a few proper Indian rugs, they're absolutely beautiful. I seen some inspirational photos where a room was carpeted with those large rugs and it looked cosey and nice. Very expensive to do that though, more than it would cost to do the floor

[Carnation]

It's good to read you are staying active wired and you do sound a little more positive.

Yes, Indian rugs are lovely. You can sometimes pick up at auctions.

[Lencoboy]

This isn't good.

Since the dogs have been here my mental health has been slowly declining. It's hard looking after them and having them in a home that it too small.

Last night I put my dog in his crate, and left the old tymer out. He pee'ed and pooped all over my floor. I was livid, because he gets let out often. This was the reason why I didn't leave him out at night.

My GS has now picked this up and did exactly the same thing. He's never done it before, and I let him our for a wee and poop 30 minutes before. It's not his fault though, because last night I couldn't do his nighttime walk. I was in a mess mentally and spent the day lying on my bed.

I called the ex and asked her for help, and all I am getting back is "how is this fair for me?", and "you're always moaning about those dogs", or "I have to walk 20 mins from the hotel" ... so?! And what winds me up is when her friend calls, she's off in a shot no moaning about walking or whatever pains she has. Yet when I mention something, she's too ill to move.

I feel like I'm being used here. Her cousin came down and she doesn't even speak to me. Yet, when her cousin wasn't here she was calling me constantly because she was bored. I tell her not to do this because it interrupts whatever I'm doing. But she does it anyway.

Her friend took her out to get some shopping yesterday. It annoyed me, because I have spent all my money to make sure she and my son are fed. But her friend sits there and slates me like I'm a bad person and won't bother to help me out. She doesn't have to, but she shouldn't slate me when all I've done is help my ex. But my ex couldn't even tell her friend that the food is coming to mine to be stored and cooked. Instead her friend made her go back to the old house to get her slow cooker and toaster, and told her to keep the food in the hotel. What?!

I'm just fed up. My own mental health has took a massive hit, and everybody is living life like this is expected of me and I should be doing this. This is choice that I regret I made. I've been abused and taken the piss out of for other peoples benefit.

Mental hospital has kicked me off and I need to get a re-referral. All because my mom couldn't get here on time to take me. My doctor there said he is refusing to book me another appointment and I need to go through the process again.

I'm just stuck. I lay on bed last night and kept having thoughts of self harm, and thinking my life would be easier if I just ended it.

I'm stuck, and lost. I just want to be alone and don't want any of this mess. Non of it is my fault. I am getting no help for doing this.

I thought living next door to a crazy lady was bad, this is 10x worse.

I feel like a psychic at the moment. I predicted all this would happen. I told her to keep away from that lady, I told my son before I left. Now my son is asking "how did you know this would happen?" ... because I can see scumbags from a mile off.

Arughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I can feel myself entering self destruct mode. I feel like breaking the law to end up in prison so people leave me alone. It was peaceful in jail. Non of this crap.

While I totally understand that MH services and the NHS in general are profoundly strapped for cash ATM, I do think there's a certain percentage of people who work for them who 'milk' the current financial climate in order to justify their 'can't be bothered'-ness, which already seemed to be increasingly evident long before the pandemic, and even pre-GFC to a certain extent.

I reckon a lot of people are simply averse to endless paperwork and form-filling, let alone being financially strapped for cash.