Bad patch

[BlueIris]

Admins, if this thread needs merging, could you keep this as the main one, please? I think it's probably different enough to be separate from my first one, but I know these things exist on a continuum.

For the first time in years, I find myself anxious most of the time to the point of irrationality. It's been coming for a good week or so, and I'm currently at the point where I can't see a way out. Could be seasonal, could be hormones, could be stress, I have no clue. Everything's making me nervous to outright panicky, though, and I can't trust myself to be rational any more. I don't really want to go out, and the thought of work fills me with dread.

I'm petrified of redundancy, of my financial situation, and every so often I'm getting little niggling twitches of health ancoety that I'm trying my best to squash. My parents' phone has been engaged for the past 3 hours, which could mean thstit's broken or could mean that something awful has happened to one of them - out of all my fears, this is the one that's not that irrational. My husband got up late and had breakfast and so didn't want lunch today, and there's just that tiny niggle that it's a cancer thing even though he's now cooking dinner early because he's hungry.

I just can't shake the feeling that something awful is going to happen. It has, of course, I'm having an anxiety flare-up, but... you know.

Can't bring myself to meditate even though I know it will help, and I'm not quite ready to up my meds just yet.

The aim with this thread is to try and prove that it's possible to maintain some shreds of a normal life whilst dealing with persistent and fairly severe anxiety (I call it that because I'm back at the point where I'm constantly hearing voices telling me to off myself).

Wish me luck, and come with me on this journey?

[.Poppy.]

Good idea, Blue.

I think with the state of everything - rising costs, political turmoil, health concerns - it would not at all be surprising that we'd collectively struggle. I can identify incredibly well with your post, from the financial concerns (every time a new expense comes around the corner I panic) to the rise in HA and just to worrying relentlessly about the people around me. It feels out of control. Lots of things feel rather hopeless too, as getting excited about anything seems fruitless and I feel so far behind everyone else in life.

There is a way out, Blue, as we all know since we've been here and gotten to the other side before. But it surely doesn't feel that way in the thick of it, does it?

Hugs. I hope you have a bit of a better week.

[BlueIris]

Thanks, Poppy.

Parents are okay, at least.

[Darksky]

Absolutely will come Blue

These irrational thoughts of doom and distraction are well known to us all. For me the one about your husband getting up late, eating breakfast and not wanting dinner. So off your minds runs to cancer. I’ve had that one….still do for a lot of the time. And if you dare voice it, they look at you as if you’re mad. You are not alone in this, we all can testify to that.

one day you will write a post about how much better you feel. I know you don’t think so now but you will honestly. Anxiety is having a field day whispering in your ear but you are stronger and you will prove it.

Keep safe,
xxxxxxxxxx

[BlueIris]

Thank you, Darksky xx

[Carnation]

You are so bright BlueIris, you know its a bad patch, that's why you chose that as your heading.
Patches are temporary, you know that too.
Do you need to know the reason?
I think it's best to ride the wave until you come out the other side.
And yes, you can have some normality while all the sh ite is happening around you.
During my worst patches I moved house (3 times), was carer to my parents and dealt with both of their funerals.
Somehow you manage to cope with it all.
So, you can't get into the meditation zone, I understand that. So just try to focus on the positives.
You have a wonderful partner...
You have a home...
You have a worthwhile job...
You don't have a serious illness..
You have food on the table..
You have support on here...
Do these affirmations before you go to sleep.
I had that phone situation with my mum and after the one hour drive to the house, she'd only left the phone off the hook by mistake. So infuriating but these sort of things happen. It just seems a case of "oh no, not more worry and grief".
And yes, hormonal changes can be very difficult to accept and deal with. But you get through all of it. Even the most difficult of days there will be moments of peace and sometimes joy.
You just have to ride the wave.

[BlueIris]

Carnation, I'm in awe of your strength, you should be so proud of yourself.

Thanks for the tip about gratitude, that's going to be a good strategy for when the anxiety starts rising again.

Today I am mostly grateful to the cat, for making me laugh by deciding that the living room bin is her new bed.
20231015_125715.jpg

[Lana]

Dear BlueIris,

Almost 100 % same here, I swear to God! It has been creeping slowly for the past month or so, but now it is beyond any reason, or any control.

I totally understand you, and I am not going to hijack your thread with my situation, but will just add that, with that small part of reason left in me, I also thought it may be changing seasons, as well. So maybe we are onto something here.

I am also , beside severe HA, falling bad into horrible sadness and depression. I have no wish or joy to do anything I usually would like, I am scared, and developed new physical symptoms ( over-salivating, for example, it is scaring me and also bothering me a lot). I would like to help, so maybe just the fact that there are more of us feeling much worse at this point, may be a sort of comfort to you, as your post was comfort to me. Do not get me wrong, I am very sorry that you are feeling that way, but I see I am not alone. I also do not know where to turn at this point, but cannot go on like this. PM me if you wish. Sending you hugs. xoxo (p.s. We also have a cat which is always good to look at and hug).

Just to add thanks to Carnation's post, helped me too. I also cared for my dying mother and buried her not long ago, and cry so often about her, and miss her.

[Carnation]

Thank you BlueIris x
Strength comes from suffering and not giving in.
I do affirmations before I sleep and they help with morning anxiety.
I love the photo. Lol.
Your cat has the most gorgeous eyes. Beautiful!

Lana, thank you x
With the possibility of setting off the tears, I want to say it's ok to cry. It has a calming affect on the body.
You will always miss your mum no matter how long it's been. But it does get easier to accept and the best thing you can do to honour your mum is by living your life. x

[.Poppy.]

Aw, your kitty is adorable!