Back home now. The stress is gone ... sort of.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Hey all,

Good news. The mess is over! I'm back home. Been back a couple of days.

Ex is now moved. I had to stay with her for a week at the old house while she packed. I helped her move etc. The evil lady tried to cause drama, so we had to call police again. Her case is with the CPS and we're waiting to see if they will charge her or not.

I ended up developing an alcohol problem through all of this. It was the only thing I could use to relax me during all this stress. It gave me the Dutch courage to do what needed to be done. I'd have never left the house if I didn't.

Now I'm back home, taking my meds as normal, and not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. It's as if alcohol gives me life, and without it I become a mess. When I quit for over 2 years that's when I became reclused.

I'm just so bored. There's a lot I can do, but there's no motivation or desire to do it. I've been having negative thoughts a lot. My anger levels can become a problem.

The other day I got a taxi home, and my card wouldn't work in the cash machine so I couldn't get the money to pay the driver. I ended up standing there slapping my head getting very angry. Taxi driver seen I wasn't doing well and helped me relax and said don't worry, we'll sort it. I had to call a friend to come and pay the driver. He shook my hand afterwards and told me to relax and take care. He was really nice.

I melt down in tough situations. So I've decided it's just better I stay away from problems as much as possible and remain in my house.

I like the peace. I like the freedom.

I need to knock this drinking on the head. I have appointment on 21st at 9.30 with mental health team. Do I tell them this? Will they think I'm wasting their time because I am drinking alcohol? What if they deem me an addict and remove me from their care to place me under some addiction scheme? I don't want that.

I'm dreading the appointment. I can't just relax because I know it's in a few days. It's a change to my routine having to wake up early, and get somebody to give me a lift.

Ontop of that I'm convinced I've got throat cancer. My health anxiety is going wacky, and I'm OCD with checking my throat.

Life feels like an endless battle at the moment.

[Carnation]

Good to hear from you wired.
Allow yourself time to get over all the trauma.
You put others before yourself, had to use alcohol to cope, now it's time to let it all go and find your feet again.
Chill, sleep, walk, let the mind find its peace and I'm sure I'll be reading soon what you are doing to your new place and what ideas you have.

[BlueIris]

Bit fried myself right now, but glad you're home. Sending love, light and positive vibes.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Good to hear from you wired.
Allow yourself time to get over all the trauma.
You put others before yourself, had to use alcohol to cope, now it's time to let it all go and find your feet again.
Chill, sleep, walk, let the mind find its peace and I'm sure I'll be reading soon what you are doing to your new place and what ideas you have.

Thanks Carnation. I do hope so. There's too much to do in the house. I can't muster the energy to pick up the paint brush. I need to get all that done so I can set my bed up. But, also need to wait to afford some carpet or rugs for that room. Because I can't put anything up until some flooring is down. This concrete screen is awful to clean. I've even got a scrubbing brush on it, and it tends to make a dip in the concrete when I do that. So all of that is causing internal angst.

I'd love that room to be done so I can setup the worksurface and start my electronics again. Everything still in boxes.

Hopefully I'll get my mojo back soon. For now, I'm lying on the sofa doing nothing.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Bit fried myself right now, but glad you're home. Sending love, light and positive vibes.

Thanks Blue, are you ok? Feel free to pop me a message if you like. Sending positive vibes your way too.

[Catkins]

Just give yourself some time to recover, you've been through an awful lot lately. Don't worry about the flat, get some rest, watch some old comedies, try and eat and take your dog out.

[Carnation]

Yes, just do the basics until you feel the urge to cracking on another project and until you funds to do stuff. In the meantime you could look up home ideas on a budget on the Internet, it may give you some inspiration. You'd be surprised what you might find. I've just been making star decorations out of toilet roll inners, lol.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Oh good idea carnation! I suppose I could make the house look festive. I used to love it when my son was little. I think I shall. I've got a tonne of newspaper I could do some daisy chains.

Woke up feeling a bit better today, did some weight training in the spare room, and set myself off with a panic attack I have to laugh. I do feel like painting but health anxiety says "You could die doing this, so leave it for you today". I have bad trauma from when I was little and I seen a man decorating a house and he died. So whenever I have to decorate, I scare myself into not doing it.

Doggy is a pain in the backside. He malts so much. Walking him used to be a problem because he'd pull so hard it was like a gym workout. I got him a holtie, now he can't pull me. He's lovely though. I woke up with bad nocturnal panic attack last night so he jumped on me and was licking me. I stuck a comedy on and managed to get back to sleep.

Darn anxiety!

[Carnation]

If we allow anxiety to take control wired, we wouldn't do anything! You know the best way is to do the opposite to what anxiety is telling you. Lol, easier said than done, I know.
On another note, I noticed there are reruns of 'Some Mothers Do Have Em ' on TV, hilarious 70s comedy with Frank Spencer. But don't follow his D.I.Y. skills, lol.

Here's a picture of my star / snowflake from a toilet roll inner (It takes 6 by the way and just a bit of glue and a lot of cutting and folding.)

IMG_20231107_101956.jpg

[WiredIncorrectly]

Wow, that star is awesome! Very impressed by that. I was just thinking, you could also put some PVA on a tray, dip it in on the front, and then dip it in a tray of glitter.

Is there only 6 tubes used for that? How big is it? I want to make one