derealisation/depersonlisation

[GAD]

Hi nik

what do you mean that in some extremes it can lead to multiple personality - this has worried me slightly as this scares me as much as going mad too.

michelle

[removed]

This topic really interests me. It formed the basis of my breakdown.
I had tried for so many years to fight anxiety. Every time I conquered one fear another one would pop up. Underlying it all was a constant fear of going out, but I wouldn't give in to it because i had 3 children and didnt want their lives blighted. So i kept on facing all my fears but wearing myself down because I wasnt really getting over my core anxiety.
In desperation I bought a hypnosis videotape to help with anxiety which I watched every day for a couple of weeks.
It didnt seem to help-indeed i just got worse and worse.
One day I looked in the mirror and didn't know who i was.
I had detached completely, and although I knew my name and didnt lose my memory, I felt like a stranger in my own body.
I found the whole thing so terrifying, i had a breakdown. The depersonalisation was so profound, that it became permanent. There was not one moment of one day when i felt that "me" was in. I truly lost my sense of self.
I found it hard to describe- the psychiatrist just said it was depersonalisation, but usually that comes and goes. This was constant.
The only person that was able to shed light on it was a hypnotherapist, who told me it was probably watching the tape that had caused it. he said he had seen it before.
I think in retrospect it was my brain's way of switching off in order to learn how to do things without anxiety.
After the initial breakdown, I have gone from strength to strength.
It has taken a very long time, but I conquered all my fears one by one. in the end the only fear I had left was fear of myself because I would not let my true"self" come back.
I hope I am making sense here-its quite hard to put into words.
Anyway just recently, I have been having a setback, but after working my way through i think I am finally there!
Although it was horrible I can see now that it helped me in the long run. Switching off so that you feel numb is your brain's way of helping you cope.
Despite all i went through there was never a moment where I was not sane, only mentally exhausted. I certainly never developed multiple personalities
I lke the sound of that book- I havent read it but the title describes how I was exactly-a stranger in the mirror
Janet

[andrew england 2]

having read the reviews of the book and how it mentions multiple personalitys in the review is enough to scare me right away from reading the book

i suffer from depersonalisation and its the one thing i dont know how to fight at all and from everything i have read in the forum it is just a symptom of anxiety and not a cause

that said it is the most horrible feeling to look in the mirror and not feel as tho it is oneself looking back but that said its a symptom of something else

the only time i dont feel depersonalised is when i am half drunk and as i only allow myself 2 nites out a wk now i am only me 2 times a wk

maybe its just better not to be :-)

[Meg]

Yes we have had this book posted about before and it scared the living daylights out of several people whereas others liked it enormously.

Seems to depend on how vulnerable you are to the power of suggestions about MPD and that DP in very rare occassions can stick around for years.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress

[dazednconfused]

Hi all. I would also greatly appreciate any advice on how to control the feelings and effects of derealisation and hopefully eradicate them for good. I have suffered from derealisation and panic attacks which have progressively gotten worse (due to a lack of knowledge as to what was happening to me) and eventually lead me to have a nervous breakdown. I feel like i have to write this not only for myself (through true acknowledgement i can recover) but for those like myself who are left bewildered as to what is happening to them. I thought i was losing my mind. i thought i had a heart defect. i even thought i may have a brain tumour. the point being that by not understanding all the strange symptoms i was experiencing, i turned into a total hypochondriac. even now i'm still wary about reading magazines in case i come across an article which may describe some lethal illness i seem to have the symptoms for. but out of all the symptoms, from the muscle aches to chest pains, derealisation would have to be the most unsettling. most of my other symptoms have now disappeared, bar this one. even though for the most part i don't feel anxious, this spaced-out feeling which has me questioning constantly who the hell i have become, will not leave me alone. granted there are times when i am offered some respite - when i sleep, and when i am sufficiently distracted. in general however, the feeling follows me everywhere. does anyone else have this hazy feeling as a backdrop to their day to day lives? i've even questioned my eyesight. from time to time i feel that my vision isnt as sharp as it used to be. i've been assured that this too is a symptom of anxiety. i'd worked myself up into thinking i was going blind, so i bit the bullet and visited an optometrist who told me my eyes were fine BUT i was long-sighted. well this was enough to send me right back into myself and i dwelled on it for days before i realised how ridiculous i was being. but i wont lie to you, i still have days when my delusions get the better of me. i've just learnt how to prevent them from triggering full blown panic attacks. i don't know whether any of my ramblings are actually helping anyone as i can't say to you that i've come through the other end and i'm totally fine, but i have made HUGE progress and with CBT and the support of those around me, i know i'll find myself again. i hope that with my confession someone else might find some comfort in the fact that they are not alone and they have nothing to be ashamed of. The symptoms they are experiencing are unsettling yes, a total pain in the ar$£, but they cannot harm you. we will get through this.

[maynooth]

Hi everyone, feelings of unreality and depersonalisation are very very common.Anxiety sufferers are always studying themselves, they suffer from emotional and mental fatigue.So their feelings are not in sync with their thoughts.They are very tired this is what causes the feelings of unreality and depersonalisation.Just think about it for a moment.Remember a time before you suffered if you ever stayed awake all night the next day you didnt know where you were.You had feelings of unreality right.Well its exactly the same thing when you suffer from anxiety.Because your thinking all the time you become mentally and emotionally fatigued.This is what causes the feelings of unreality and depersonalisation.Jon


"You have to live with fear to live without fear!"

[Josie]

Hi everyone,

This is my very first post and I'm hoping that you can help me. Just over a year ago I started having panic attacks again, after a gap of 9 years, but not only did I have the symptoms of the attacks but there was also a new feeling that accompanied them. I started to feel and think "Oh my God! I'm really alive, and I really exist" and the thoughts began to terrify me. I would look around at people and things that I knew, and although they were recognisable they felt so different and surreal to me. When I get the feelings, it brings an overbearing fear over me, and this can trigger the panic attacks. I have been improving over the last 7 months or so, (although its an everyday battle), but I just and to know if I've been experiencing DR or DP. I'm 24 years old and I am still managing to hold down my job as a teacher, but it is very hard work when everyone around me seems so normal.

I'd be very grateful for an help that you can give me.
Best wishes,

Jo

[Bill]

I'm not sure I have any answers but I do have some thoughts.

Firstly though, I haven't read or heard of this book but multiple personality disorder is a very rare form of schizophrenia so I just can't see the connection with anxiety because they're Totally different. My wife suffers from schizophrenia so I do know about this illness.

However, I can understand how our anxiety plays tricks on us through our thought processes making us worry we have something that we don't.

When I look in the mirror, I don't see "me". Looking at "me" isn't what I feel inside. Sometimes I feel trapped in a body I don't know. I'm sure though that it's all to do with how I think of myself meaning I have low self esteem.

When I went through my bad days I can remember being in shops and everyone appeared "alien". I felt as if they could all see my anxiety and how I was feeling. Again, I'm sure this was down to my feelings of being self-conscious because of how bad I was feeling inside.

I can also remember doing the washing up and seeing a black hole that I was disappearing into. It really scared me so I had to stop what I was doing and lay on the bed. I didn't know what was going on but now I realise it was a symptom of feeling trapped with no escape and my mind was overloaded.

I feel alot of the 2 D's are connected with inward self conscious deep intense thinking. If we focussed more on things around us and what we're doing rather than on our every day thoughts and what we feel about ourselves, these issues become less of a problem.

We suffer from self doubt and worry so we focus on every thought we have, reacting to our thoughts because some scare us and trying to rationalise those thoughts with intense deep thought processes rather than focussing on life and enjoying things around us.

If we learn to become less intense in our thinking and not focus so much on worrying thoughts we're thinking, we'd enjoy life more and I'm sure the 2 D's would be less of a problem. Why doesn't a confident person experience them?.........because they don't worry, aren't intense, thoughts don't scare them and so they don't think about their their thoughts and feelings intensely.

[Angel64]

Hi, thanks for the book recommendation I will order it today.

If I have this feeling for a lot of the day I describe it as not really waking up properly and feeling sort of dreamy, but being able to function normally.

I am at present widening my life as far as agoraphobia is concerned, and am going out a lot more.

Yesterday I went shopping and was feeling on a high but in the changing rooms got a sudden 'wierd' feeling and for about 20 seconds didnt seem to know where I was. I have read that this is because I have for so long been concentrating on myself and my feelings that to not do this is unreal for me.

Years ago when I would describe myself as 'well', I could drive for miles in a daydream and then suddenly 'come back' and for a second couldn't remember whether or not the traffic lights were on red or green, but didnt worry because I knew I was consiously driving well.

This feeling has been one of the scariest but I am interested in this book and hope it will reasure me, as I believe when we are less looking inward at every feeling and thought and start looking outward it can happen more often as our body re-adjusts to a new way of thinking and behaving.

Christine xx

[Angel64]

Just to add after reading Janet C's reply.

When I was really bad I remember once I was alone in the house and I looked in the bathroom mirror and had the feeling of not knowing who I was, I totally freaked out and phoned my bf and mum, they came home and took me to a& e, I was just crying and really thought I had 'lost it'. But I drove us to the hospital because I was the only one that could, if I had 'lost' it I am sure I couldn't have doen that, or given my name and address perfectly.

I remember my mum and bf looking really upset and not knowing what to do or say, as usual I left after a good examination and after I had calmed down.
That was my first attack of derealization and as we all know the first time we have a panic attack or even something like a toothache or migraine it is the fear of what 'might' happen that is the worst.

I know have attacks but can control them and know I am not losing it or going mad, just usually really overtired.

Maynooth your post was so well said.

Christine xx