Are persons with ASD easy pickings for punitive treatment?

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's like the child acting up. You see a kid having a meltdown and the assumption was always naughtiness or lack of parenting. Later we learnt that kid may have ASD and a parent struggling to cope.

But without outward labelling you just don't know. But you are right that patience is often in short supply with anyone. I don't have time for the morons who can't care to wait for a minute before they are killing faces.

As for bus drivers, I've come across my share who have bad attitudes. The times they drive past your stop and don't even apologise. I had one years ago that went 2 stops with a queue to get off before I had a go at the idiot. Made us all late for work.

[Lencoboy]

It's like the child acting up. You see a kid having a meltdown and the assumption was always naughtiness or lack of parenting. Later we learnt that kid may have ASD and a parent struggling to cope.

But without outward labelling you just don't know. But you are right that patience is often in short supply with anyone. I don't have time for the morons who can't care to wait for a minute before they are killing faces.

Sadly there will always be those with very black-and-white attitudes who often have a habit of jumping to quick conclusions and/or making sweeping generalisations without thinking things through properly. As in the case of children with ASD often being mistaken for a genuinely naughty child whose parents cannot control them and hearing the typical 'That evil little brat needs a bloody good hiding', etc, which I've heard others (especially older people) muttering quietly in the background while I've been in town, etc, even though I could tell that the children concerned had ASD by a country mile, though that was (thankfully) at least 10 years ago now.

And you're certainly correct that there's many people who lack patience and indeed compassion at times.

[Lencoboy]

As for bus drivers, I've come across my share who have bad attitudes. The times they drive past your stop and don't even apologise. I had one years ago that went 2 stops with a queue to get off before I had a go at the idiot. Made us all late for work.

While I acknowledge that bus drivers and public transport workers in general are often performing a thankless task and chronically underpaid (as demonstrated in particular by all the train strikes since around mid 2022), there's always been certain intimidating attitude-ridden, jobsworth-type drivers who are so up themselves, and act as if they own the buses themselves that they're driving.

Ditto for certain taxi drivers as well.

Of course, they're obviously in the minority and most are nice and friendly 99% of the time, which also applies to shop assistants, doctors/nurses, police officers, firefighters, school teachers, etc, of which there will, unfortunately, always be a certain amount of irate, power-mad, jobsworth types too.

[MyNameIsTerry]

While I acknowledge that bus drivers and public transport workers in general are often performing a thankless task and chronically underpaid (as demonstrated in particular by all the train strikes since around mid 2022), there's always been certain intimidating attitude-ridden, jobsworth-type drivers who are so up themselves, and act as if they own the buses themselves that they're driving.

Ditto for certain taxi drivers as well.

Of course, they're obviously in the minority and most are nice and friendly 99% of the time, which also applies to shop assistants, doctors/nurses, police officers, firefighters, school teachers, etc, of which there will, unfortunately, always be a certain amount of irate, power-mad, jobsworth types too.

They perform no more a thankless task than anyone else and can be on more money than the private sector so I always dislike when they tout that one.

[Lencoboy]

They perform no more a thankless task than anyone else and can be on more money than the private sector so I always dislike when they tout that one.

You could be right there, especially as underpaid workers in the private sector often don't get a look in by the media.

Back to the original thread topic; I wish to make it clear that this isn't an attention-seeking 'poor me' thread.

[Pain]

I doubt if it would really make any difference TBH, plus there's far more pressing issues for the authorities to be dealing with of late. ...

I think you’ve either misunderstood my original multiple choice question, or for some reason you’re evading giving an answer. I’m not implying you should be seeking redress from anyone for past grievances. What I was trying to elicit was whether you view yourself as a victim in/of life. Many of your threads/posts allude to personal bitterness, and you often seem to be wanting to blame someone, or some situation beyond your control, for upsetting you

[Lencoboy]

I think you’ve either misunderstood my original multiple choice question, or for some reason you’re evading giving an answer. I’m not implying you should be seeking redress from anyone for past grievances. What I was trying to elicit was whether you view yourself as a victim in/of life. Many of your threads/posts allude to personal bitterness, and you often seem to be wanting to blame someone, or some situation beyond your control, for upsetting you

I think we can all have such tendencies to a certain extent.

Plus we're all victims of something or other throughout our lifetimes; some more serious than others.

But the crux of the issue at heart is that ASD is historically a poorly understood condition and still is to a certain extent, despite its increased media coverage and general awareness over the past 30-odd years or so, but I think that's more by those who habitually bury their heads in the sand.

[Lencoboy]

I'm feeling very upset this evening because a close friend of our family sadly passed away this morning but my dad wasn't informed until just before tea time after which he broke the news to me.

Also I feel like my dad is trying to guilt-trip me by making out to be even more affected himself by this person's death and that my grieving is making him feel even worse, as if my dad is trying to outdo me with some kind of grief competition and accusing me of being selfish; as if he's seeking to be more upset than I am.

I know this might be my own personal perception and I'm aware that some people have a tendency to think more irrationally than usual in the immediate àftermath of traumatic events, but I seriously don't intend to be selfish in any way as I feel I have a right to be just as saddened as my dad by this death.

I'm dreading the thought of the same thing happening when my mom finally passes away; being falsely accused of being selfish and turning it into a 'me me me' grief match, which I seriously have no intention of doing.

I just feel so inferior and belittled right now.

[Lencoboy]

I'm feeling very upset this evening because a close friend of our family sadly passed away this morning but my dad wasn't informed until just before tea time after which he broke the news to me.

Also I feel like my dad is trying to guilt-trip me by making out to be even more affected himself by this person's death and that my grieving is making him feel even worse, as if my dad is trying to outdo me with some kind of grief competition and accusing me of being selfish; as if he's seeking to be more upset than I am.

I know this might be my own personal perception and I'm aware that some people have a tendency to think more irrationally than usual in the immediate àftermath of traumatic events, but I seriously don't intend to be selfish in any way as I feel I have a right to be just as saddened as my dad by this death.

I'm dreading the thought of the same thing happening when my mom finally passes away; being falsely accused of being selfish and turning it into a 'me me me' grief match, which I seriously have no intention of doing.

I just feel so inferior and belittled right now.

My dad apologised to me first thing this morning for his abruptness towards me last night; he admitted to being what I had suggested all along that he was feeling highly emotionally charged in the heat of the moment and irrationally saying things he didn't necessarily mean, but has now slept on it overnight and thought it through.

I understand that learning of that person's death will have been a great shock to him, as it was to me too, and he was obviously struggling to cope with his own emotions pertaining to it during the immediate occasion, let alone mine.

[Lencoboy]

Although this particular post isn't necessarily about punitive treatment per se, it's probably more about perceived condescending treatment, and also later regrets.

Even though it was some time around 1996-97, which was when I was starting to do certain things more independently, such as travel to and from our town centre unsupported (both on foot and on the bus), plus the satellite unit of my previous day centre that I normally attended (and I first started at around that time) was incidentally sited just on the very edge of our town centre, this still continues to haunt me today.

It was a bit of a feud between me and my grandma, who by that time had a habit of demanding exactly how much I was charged for things I bought while in town, and she was always somehow under the impression that I was being overcharged and 'ripped off', and that the shop staff, market stall traders, etc, were unscrupulous rob-dogs who 'saw me coming' and 'diddled' me.

I often tried to explain to my grandma at the time that she had got it all wrong and that the price stickers were already affixed well in advance to the front of the items that I purchased, but she didn't believe me and weren't having none of it, threatening to go down to those shops and 'really give 'em what for'!

The final straw came for me the one afternoon when I got off the bus near her flat in about 1997 or so and popped in to visit her on the way back from my day centre, and I had bought a vinyl LP from one of the local charity shops of a certain classical music release to replace an old clapped-out copy of that very same album my mom bought back in the early 70s when it first came out, and instead of what should have been 'Ah, that's a lovely record', etc, from my grandma I was instead not only getting it in the neck off her with the usual 'They saw you coming and diddled you', but she was also on the warpath over a couple of slight scuffs on the rear sleeve, and on that occasion I almost snapped, put my coat back on and scurried back home as fast as I could to calm down, and inadvertently listening to said record to help calm me down even further.

While I kind of understand now in retrospect how anxious my grandma obviously felt for my safety and wellbeing, I also felt on occasions that she wasn't exactly being very confidence-inspiring to me at that time while still trying to be too over-protective towards me and constantly believing that people were 'out to get me'.

I also reckon that my grandma probably felt a bit sad that both me and my brother were growing up by that stage and 'no longer her little (grand) kiddy-winks', coupled with that lesser feeling of 'control' over us (in the nicest possible ways, of course), and probably also felt the sense of dread that we might have got led astray by 'undesirables'.

Don't get me wrong. I still loved my grandma to pieces no matter what and will always otherwise have fond memories of her, plus I now kind of feel a bit guilty of the fact that I may have overreacted to her a bit on occasions back then and wish I had been a bit more tolerant.

I sometimes feel the same about my mom too, and kind of wish I could have also been a bit more tolerant of some of her respective foibles by the time I had reached full adulthood.