Fear of swallowing/Endoscopy this week

[SarahNM76]

I don't know how I feel. But I wouldn't mind some of this sedation stuff for every day use 😂 I've had so much acid reflux for years and years plus things like spasms on my chest and back where it radiates to the jaw which make me feel like it could be a heart attack. They said that can be caused by a hernia. They only got down to the far end of the oesophagus but she said there's absolutely nothing that could making it hard for me to swallow...Apart from anxiety! I haven't eaten or drank yet. I was hoping they'd give me some tea and biscuits there so I'd at least be at a hospital of something happened but within half an hour I was told they'd rang my partner to pick me up. The sedation they gave me was fentanyl and midazolam.
My partner is saying right you need to get on top of this now because he's sick of it..How the hell does he think it feels for me/us.
She mentioned booking me on for another under general anaesthetic. I did ask of she could just try again today but she said she'd tried twice and I wasn't tolerating it very well. I'm not usually a heaving type of person. I wish I'd had the throat spray now but I was worrying that if I couldnt feel my throat and needed to swallow that I'd choke. There was 4 of them in the room and they were so nice x

[SarahNM76]

Sorry yes they did say I've got a large hiatus hernia. They've given me leaflets about it but it doesn't tell me much. She got to the part where my oesophagus meets my stomach with the camera. She's going to send a report to my GP aswell so I should be able to read about that on my NHS app. My blood tests are back and all are normal apart from one called mean corpucs haemoglobin which was 0.5 higher than it should be. I've googled and it's something to do with anaemia/B12 or folic acid from what I can see. No surprise really with how little I've been eating.

I'm hoping it sinks in now that my throat is fine and that there's nothing to signal a swallowing problem but fears don't go overnight do they xx

[Scass]

It’s great your endoscopy was clear - apart from the hernia. They can definitely cause reflux.

Have you tried distracting yourself when you eat? I watch tv or play on the pc which I find really help.

You girls are doing great xx

[SarahNM76]

Hi Scass and thank you ☺ It's a relief thats for sure because my mind has been thinking all sorts. I must admit a part of me is thinking I wish she'd have been able to do the whole endoscopy because what if she missed something but that's my anxiety talking isn't it. As soon as I got home I started googling hernia 🙄 It doesn't seem to be a major thing though and maybe now I know that I've got one I can make some lifestyle changes and at least when I get the wicked heartburn now I'll know why.

Yes I do try to distract myself when I'm eating but it still takes sooo long to eat at the moment. We'll get there though won't we. We all seem to be very determined to sort this problem out ♥ xx

[Scass]

Yes we’ll get through, we have a little self help thread here!

[SarahNM76]

Not really Rox. I still feel really hesitant but I keep trying to tell myself that I'm fine. Hopefully things will get easier though as it starts to sink in that she didn't see anything that would stop me from swallowing xx

Yes we do Scass 😂 Its good to have others who understand isn't it xx

[Scass]

You’ll get there. Your anxiety has been so bad that it needs to go down a bit too.

[SarahNM76]

That's very true! My anxiety has been horrendous over the last year. I've always had anxiety off and on but last year I fell and one hospital said I'd broken my ankle and another said I'd torn ligaments but whatever it was I had to have 6 weeks off work and because I couldn't really do much my anxiety soared and I haven't been able to get on top of it at all. I struggle to go out but I make sure I go somewhere every day and now this swallowing thing 🙄

I always think if I could just have a few days where I didn't feel anxious then I could really start to focus on getting better. Being hyperaware of every symptom and sensation doesn't help though does it

[Scass]

That must have been really tough with your ankle. I know what you mean, you just sort of slip into a low mood/anxiety.

Going out once a day is great. I do the school run twice a day & supermarket once it’ll twice a week which all helps. I’ve started a couple of new hobbies recently too which I’m really enjoying.

There’s no time like the present though. The anxiety won’t go just because we want it to, we have to help it along.

[SarahNM76]

Hi Scass and Rox