8 weeks of anxiety over hard swollen lymph node
I, 33 year old male, wanted to share my story as I'm waiting back the biopsy results. January 3 I noticed my submandibular lymph node on the left side of my neck was a bit firm. I have no symptoms and have felt great lately, running 12-15 miles a week. Of course I consulted Dr. Google and basically waited a few days before starting to worry. After about 2 weeks of waiting it was still there so I decided to go to the doctor who prescribed antibiotics. 5 days into the antiobiotics I felt the node getting larger and I began having trouble swallowing. So on day 10 (the final day of antiobiotics) I rushed myself to urgent care. It's important to note that this entire time I have been constantly poking and prodding my node, ENSURING that it was moveable which SHOULD be a reassuring sign, right?
Urgent care does a strep and mono test, both negative. Finally they do a CBC that comes back normal. Great! Or is it? Of course a quick google search shows plenty of stories of lymphoma patients stating they ALSO had normal blood work before diagnosis. Panic ensues, poking ensues.
My doctor orders an ultrasound. The results showed some thickening of the cortex and the size at 2.9x1.4x1cm. The doctor described it as being on the cusp of suspicion but not addressing it as a likely malignancy. Panic ensues. This was the part where it was suppose to be a sigh of relief. I quickly googled "cortex thickening lymph node" and my worst fears are realized. "It's an early sign of METASTASIS" Panic ensues. The doctor says let's get you set up with a surgeon to discuss a biopsy.
A few days later I'm at the surgeons office and my ability to swallow is even worse but now in a different way. He feels the lymph node rather thoroughly and tells me it doesn't feel like lymphoma but he's "been wrong before." I describe my swalloing symptom and he suggests a contrast CT scan. Of course I dig into the reason why with some questions to which he brings up possible LESIONS IN MY LARYNX. Before he leaves he tells me "not to worry." And as I step out of his office I immedietely google laryngeal cancer. Panic ensues. That night I had a full blown panic attack. It was worse than I thought. Cancer of the throat that had spread to the lymph nodes was "incurable" according to google and the prognosis was grim. I contemplated going to the ER that night but decided to do it first thing in the morning.
My ER visit lasted about an hour and a half. I began crying as I was sure I was going to find out I had a tumor in my throat. Luckily they had the contrast CT exam available and within 45 minutes I had the results. Completely normal with a swollen lymph node. The node was slightly larger but the measurement was still only on the cusp of suspicion. I left partially relieved but still with the same symptoms.
My panic subsided for a couple of days as I thought, wrongfully, that the contrast CT would have lit up my lymph node if it was malignant. I learned that wasn't the case and a biopsy was still needed. It wasn't until a full 7 days later that I received a call from scheduling who informed me that it would take my insurance 3 WEEKS to authorize the biopsy. Panic ensued. My persistence paid off and I was able to get the procedure scheduled 4 days later, no auth required.
In this time something unusual happened. At this point the node was larger than ever. I was constantly checking it and making sure I could move it around. One night I was sitting on the couch watching tv and I decided to tilt my head back as I often did and I very gently rubbed the node with my finger. Suddenly it began to shrink. Within 30 seconds the lymph node was half it's size. Another 30 seconds later it was 20% it's original size. It was a surreal experience. I celebrated this internally! It can't be cancer because it shrunk! Cancer doesn't shrink! I consulted Dr. Google. Panic ensued. Rare lymphomas sometimes "wax and wane" according to google, meaning they grow and shrink. No information on how quickly this happens so I was left to my own imagination to decide what to do with this information. I read that these indolent lmyphomas often have no symptoms...panic ensued.
By this point I am barely sleeping and eating. I'm convinced my weight loss and fatigue are cancer related.
The next day in the morning the node is back to it's original larger size which discouraged me. By the time the afternoon comes the node does the same shrinking game as before, last for an hour or two before beginning to swell again. I have no idea what to make of this.
The night before my biopsy I begin checking my RIGHT side lymph node snapping it back and forth. In the morning my right lympg node is tight and firm. Great.
Now at my biopsy procedure I have the tech measure the node on ultrasound. 2.6x1.2x0.8cm. It's gone down! The tech informs me that the measurements are not completely exact and that they can vary from tech to tech. Ironically she was the same tech who measured my first ulstrasound. The interventional radiologist comes in the room and I express my anxiety to him and begin asking questions. He looks at the node and raises some concern of the cortex thickness. I ask him if he's concerned over what he sees. In short, he says it's on the threshold of what a normal lymph node looks like and he says the biopsy will likely be benign. He also tells me that cancer does not shrink and grow as I've described as my situation. He also tells me something that was not on the original report regarding if the "hilum" of the node was present, an important indicator of a healthy lymph node. He nods and says it's present. Good news!
He performs the biopsy. 5 needles poked into my node each extracting tissue. I am told I have to wait 3-5 business days for results.
Today is day 3. Here we are.
as I am writing this I just got the results... ITS BENIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My biggest take away from all of this is:
1. STOP POKING AND PRODDING YOUR LYMPH NODES. They will get bigger and they will get hard.
2. Go to a doctor and listen to what they tell you. A dissmissive doctor is different than a doctor who doesn't seem worried. If you want a second opinion go for it. But listen to the consensus. If a doctor doesn't seem concerned that's a good sign. If multiple doctors don't seem concerned that's a great sign.
3. During all of this I recognized my anxiety caused 3 of the 4 biggest symptoms of lymphoma. I sweat a bit at night from anxiety, I lost weight because I wasn't hungry because of anxiety, and I was tired because of anxiety. Anxiety can make you feel like total shit and cloud your judgement.
Reply With Quote