My anger has never been this bad

[WiredIncorrectly]

My brother left on the weekend.

After I spoke with him I opened up about how I'm feeling in general. He came down to see me and do things together, but I was housebound for most of the time he was here. He went hiking one day, and I was due to go, but I bailed out because of anxiety. He offered to take me to theater, and Birmingham library. I love libraries, as does he. I couldn't do it. The days came and so did the anxiety and all of it's nasty symptoms.

I felt so guilty because his time here must have been boring. It was meant to be fun.

He understands me though. He knows I struggle.

When he left he sent me some money that I used to buy myself some much needed clothes. I haven't purchased clothes for years, and all mine are falling apart. The clothes arrived today and I look so much better. It's given me a confidence boost a bit.

I've been struggling a lot. The way my head has been was making me physically ill. Since my brother has left I've been eating better, my toilet troubles went away, and I haven't vomited.

At the moment I just prefer to be on my own, with my doggy.

Agoraphobia is hitting me hard. The local shops are not so local. About a mile walk. I used to walk it, but for the last 2 months I haven't. When my brother was here he came to dentist with me, and opticians. He came shopping with me. But if he wasn't there to do that, I'd have not done any of it. I tend to order from just-eat. Not for takeaway, but for milk, sugar, teabags etc.

I'm trying to find some places online where I can order meats, and vegetables, at good prices. I honestly can't do supermarkets. I tried Asda last weekend with the ex, and had to wait outside because I had a horrible panic attack. Flouresant lights, the hustle and bustle, the feeling trapped at the back of the store being a long way from the exit. Urgh!

I need some help. But I don't know who to reach out to. My doctor plys me with medications.

I'm in a better state of mind, but still not in a very good place.

I haven't drank alcohol for a good while. I seem to hit rock bottom when I'm not using alcohol as a crutch to do normal things. If I drank, I'd have done the hike, theater, library etc. I refuse to do that.

[Carnation]

These situa mount up wired and what goes up must come down.

Give yourself time to regain some of that confidence that allows you to do more.
Can you look online or contact a farmshop, greengrocers, butchers to see if they will do delivery? Some of them will do a bargain pack of meat or veg.

Well done for not drinking the alcohol, and, you are saving money that can go to other things.

[BlueIris]

I've just found out something really helpful: the minimum spend for Morrisons delivery is now £25. We're going to be using them a lot in future, I think.

[WiredIncorrectly]

These situa mount up wired and what goes up must come down.

Give yourself time to regain some of that confidence that allows you to do more.
Can you look online or contact a farmshop, greengrocers, butchers to see if they will do delivery? Some of them will do a bargain pack of meat or veg.

Well done for not drinking the alcohol, and, you are saving money that can go to other things.

Good idea on the farm shop/butchers. I know there's a butcher in the local town center but not sure if they deliver I will have to ask. I live near a lot of farmland. To the east of me is farm land all the way to Aberystwyth. I'd love to do that walk!

[WiredIncorrectly]

I've just found out something really helpful: the minimum spend for Morrisons delivery is now £25. We're going to be using them a lot in future, I think.

Oh nice, I didn't know they lowered it either. That's one of the reasons I don't order from supermarkets online because the min. spend is often more than I want to order.

I've started taking cod liver oil, magnesium, and a good multi-vitamin. No idea if they actually work, but it's worth a try.

[Carnation]

That's great Morrisons do that. A lot of the supermarkets are a minimum of £40.

Wired, lamb was on offer for Easter, have a look online. You'll get several meals out of that.

[Catkins]

I take quite a few different supplements, I do think they help.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Things are slowly improving.


I was faced with another situation. My friend visited out of the blue, and decided to stay. Turns out he split up with his girlfriend. I only see him when he needs somewhere to stay.


I agreed he can stay for 2 days and then he'll need to find somewhere else because my son was visiting for the weekend.


He overstayed his welcome and my son had to sleep on the floor! My friend had occupied his room.


Today I had to lie and told him my son has a bed and some units coming. He left today.


He left the room in a huge mess! Ash and tobacco over the floor like he's used the floor as an astray. Stinks of tobacco in there.


Thing is I had blocked this friend. Because a few weeks ago he was being very racist and saying horrible things about Islam. So to have him turn up at my door was a bit unexpected.


I think I'm naive and people use me.


I'm now on 300mg quetiapine a day. I sleep so much, but my anger issues are manageable. I haven't been online much, just watching some old shows, reading crime magazines, doing sudoku and sleeping. I hate how the meds affect me, but without them life becomes unbearable.

[Lencoboy]

Things are slowly improving.


I was faced with another situation. My friend visited out of the blue, and decided to stay. Turns out he split up with his girlfriend. I only see him when he needs somewhere to stay.


I agreed he can stay for 2 days and then he'll need to find somewhere else because my son was visiting for the weekend.


He overstayed his welcome and my son had to sleep on the floor! My friend had occupied his room.


Today I had to lie and told him my son has a bed and some units coming. He left today.


He left the room in a huge mess! Ash and tobacco over the floor like he's used the floor as an astray. Stinks of tobacco in there.


Thing is I had blocked this friend. Because a few weeks ago he was being very racist and saying horrible things about Islam. So to have him turn up at my door was a bit unexpected.


I think I'm naive and people use me.


I'm now on 300mg quetiapine a day. I sleep so much, but my anger issues are manageable. I haven't been online much, just watching some old shows, reading crime magazines, doing sudoku and sleeping. I hate how the meds affect me, but without them life becomes unbearable.

Sounds like your friend IS using you mate. And sounds like a right taker thinking he can treat your place like a hotel.

Even worse taking it upon himself to smoke in your place and leave all the mess all over the floor which I think is definitely well out of order.

And of course to top it all his ignorant racist/Islamophobic views would really make me feel like having fantasies about something unpleasant happening to him.

I seriously can't stand it when people like him just impose themselves on others willy-nilly just like that.

I recall being stalked by another client at my previous day centre about 20 years ago who tried to follow me home on a couple of occasions, and the staff there at the time didn't seem in the slightest bit interested, dismissively saying that person's behaviours outside of their care 'wasn't their responsibility', and basically refused point blank to intervene, saying it was a matter for me and my parents to take up with the police, social workers, etc.

Little wonder my previous day centre eventually ended up being disowned by Staffs CC, though the events described in my previous paragraph obviously weren't the only factor behind its seemingly chronic failings.

[WiredIncorrectly]

My mother always said I was naive and need to be careful. I like to help people out if I can, but I and my property should also be respected. He knows I'm a very clean person too and have OCD over mess.

I have an expensive server in my sons room. I put it there when I'm recording on the mic because otherwise the microphone picks it up. Anyway, I went in the room and the server had ash, bits of food, and tobacco all over it. Why would he do that? I don't understand it. I had to open it up and use a compressor to blow everything out.

I've had to block him. He's quite pushy when it comes to visiting. He had a bust up with his misses, and is now in a hotel. I feel for him, I do. I've been there. But he can't live life surfing sofas and treating peoples property like it means nothing.

His views are quite extreme. I can't have that in my life. I'm trying to get better.

That's terrible that the staff ignored it. There's little compassion or care in the system anymore. It's hard to find a good center. I used to love the center in my old area but sadly budget cuts meant it had to be closed down. I miss that. The staff actually cared, and went out of their way to help with whatever problem you had.