Hello everyone,
it's been a few years since I've been here - this site has helped me in my time of need several times over the a long period of time and when my anxiety has just returned this is the first place I come to.
Previously was in 2017 where I got married and bought a house, the pressure of everything triggered crippling anxiety and some panic attacks. It took me about a year to work through it and I'd been coping fine since.
Sadly this year has been incredibly stressful, a friend died, my uncle died and I've just been made redundant of my job of 21 years due to the company messing the landlord around too much. I could feel the stress building and it eventually burst 2 days ago.
I'd applied for some new Manager jobs and got one already! Great you'd say, well at 12pm I woke up and had my first panic attack in 7 years, you never get used to them. Since then I'm filled with constant anxiety, adrenaline pumping through my body that won't relent, I can't sleep, just tossing an turning, having hot an cold sweats. I start the new job Monday and I'm terrified, scared I'll have a panic attack there, that it'll be too much, that I'll faint again, that I'll embarrass myself.
I'm 41 and this shit makes me feel like a defenceless little kid. My wife has been great, she doesn't understand the illness but supports me. I feel so embarrassed about this, it's so hard, just getting up, having a shave, eating - i've totally lost my appetite. My 4 year old is on half term this week and it's very difficult trying to remain normal around her.
I just want to have some respite from the constant anxiety pumping through me.
I've always found this place so welcoming and helpful filled with people that understand what I'm going through.
I've downloaded the mindfulness app, trying to contact a councilor to help me, trying to find things to distract myself, forcing myself to go outside.
Regards,
Joe
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