Parents are dying

[BlueIris]

There's zero communication in my family and I hate it.

Excuse rambling, I'm one big tangle of feelings and can't identify any of them.

Mum's dementia is apparently worse than it was last month, when she basically couldn't speak (except to tell me off for biting my nails), Dad's so weak he can't get out of bed and I was told precisely none of this by my sister until I started digging really deeply.

Angry, sad, nervous about what's to come and plagued by flashbacks of their abuse.

Oh, and for the next two weeks I'm working on my own with a literal building site on the other side of the office wall.

Any and all support greatly appreciated.

[Carnation]

Blueiris, it's not an easy time seeing your parents grow old and weak, and dementia is just, not kind.
No matter what the past between you, it's still very upsetting and emotional.
Meanwhile you have to keep your feet firmly on the ground.
I've been through it and many others have to.
And you do get through it.
What helped me was seeing a councillor.
I found one that deals with grief as well. She was my rock, someone to share my thoughts without judgement.
Blueiris, I know you have great support on here. Come here as much as you need to. Please don't suffer alone.

[BlueIris]

Thank you, Carnation. I'm on the waiting list for counselling right now so it should only be a month or two.

I know this is a silly place to put this, but I won the college award for best support staff a couple of weeks ago, and this is something I'm mentally holding onto.

[Carnation]

Well done Blueiris. You deserve it. You go far and beyond in your work. Brilliant!

I think you'll find the counseling a big help in the position you are in right now.
I know you are good with the coping but you need a release, there's too much going on and a lot of emotional stuff to deal with.

[BlueIris]

I've actually been put onto the CBT track, however, I was told that switching to counselling was an option so I'm going to call them and arrange that now - I have stuff I need to process and it's not something I can do on my own.

Going to take advantage of being on my own in the office today, put some musicals on and sing along.

Hope you're doing okay.

[Carnation]

It's counselling you need Blueiris.
Cbt is just a program and that's not what you need right now.
You need to talk and process stuff. x

[BlueIris]

Exactly, yes. I've rung them and they're going to get back in touch to arrange it, luckily.

[Carnation]

That's good. In the meantime keep doing those positive affirmations before you go to sleep about all the good things in your life. x

[BlueIris]

I'm incredibly lucky. Pete's being fantastic, I have my support network here and my other friends.

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi Blue,
Just letting you know your in my thoughts, it’s a very tough time watching your parents get weaker and knowing what’s coming, that happened to my dad, he had vascular dementia, my mum was different, she went out one day and never came back, she was killed by a van driver, the case is still on going....
I agree with Carnation about the counselling, I don’t think CBT will be beneficial to you for this, it’s great that Pete is being supportive (is that your other half)...and you have friends to turn to, you will need them and it’s good to talk, don’t forget you’ve got your friends on here too Blue, and will always be here for you if you need to rant, shout, cry laugh or whatever.
You are a strong person with a big heart and you will get through all this with the right help...
Well done on your achievement at work, I can definitely see why you got that award....
Sending you a big hug...