3 weeks ago I agreed to hike 20 miles. Tomorrow is the day and I'm ready to back out.

[Sparkling_Fairy]

Yeah, I agree! I can understand you feeling bad if you bailed out of a 5 mile walk (although still acceptable, anxiety is what it is) but you might somehow be able to push through that.
But 20 miles in one go is a lot!!! Given we're mostly people that don't move a lot due to our anxiety, I would've been afraid of dying the whole time too. Don't feel guilty Wired. It was a little unrealistic of your brother to ask you.

[Darksky]

I couldn’t have done 20 miles and I’m a regular walker.

I think what tipped the balance was the other person turning up as well. With your brother you would have felt more at ease if you felt a bit panicked but with another person there’s a pretence to keep up. A fear of panic in front of a person you don’t know well, if at all. Which as we know, the fear itself is enough to bring it on.

No I think baling on this occasion was probably right. They say don’t let fear win or let it stop you doing stuff but that has to be tempered with knowing what is a step too far. Pushing ourselves towards that step is counterproductive.

Dont beat yourself up. Take your dog and go for a walk yourself into nature. Just the two of you.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Honestly, it's probably for the best - 20 miles can really mess you up if you're not used to it. I tend to die at about 8.

15 is the max I've done and I practically dragged myself the last 3 miles home. That was last year with the same brother. I'm not in the same condition I was then either.

8 is about sweet the spot. I've done this when walking the dog to the vets as it's 4 miles each way from here.

The local park is 2 miles to walk around so I might do a few laps tomorrow. That's more manageable and still an achievement.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Yeah, I agree! I can understand you feeling bad if you bailed out of a 5 mile walk (although still acceptable, anxiety is what it is) but you might somehow be able to push through that.
But 20 miles in one go is a lot!!! Given we're mostly people that don't move a lot due to our anxiety, I would've been afraid of dying the whole time too. Don't feel guilty Wired. It was a little unrealistic of your brother to ask you.

This was one of my main worries. I don't get about a lot. When I do, I can put some miles in, but not 20. I was genuinely worried I'd put strain on myself and injure myself during or after. What if my arrhythmias play up? What if I strain or tear a muscle? They're genuine concerns for such a long hike.

I'm doing some electronics today and building something cool. So I'm still achieving, just in a different way. I don't feel bad about it as much anymore.

[WiredIncorrectly]

I couldn’t have done 20 miles and I’m a regular walker.

I think what tipped the balance was the other person turning up as well. With your brother you would have felt more at ease if you felt a bit panicked but with another person there’s a pretence to keep up. A fear of panic in front of a person you don’t know well, if at all. Which as we know, the fear itself is enough to bring it on.

No I think baling on this occasion was probably right. They say don’t let fear win or let it stop you doing stuff but that has to be tempered with knowing what is a step too far. Pushing ourselves towards that step is counterproductive.

Dont beat yourself up. Take your dog and go for a walk yourself into nature. Just the two of you.

Thanks Darksky. You explained that perfectly. My brother understands my mental health issues, and has seen me have panic attacks and get nervous. It's still uncomfortable dealing with that around another person, but at least my brother understands. With another person, it magnifies the anxiety. For the exact reasons you said.

I'm going to do a few laps around the local park which will clock about 5 miles. It's half incline, half decline. I feel a lot safer being close to my home.

I'm going to focus realistically. Do those laps every other day until I can work up to doing it daily. It'll be good for doggy too.

Thanks all, you've been very helpful and I feel a lot better getting it all out in the open.