This is going to be a long post so I understand if you don't want to read it. I just need to vent.
I've had health anxiety since I was little and it's only gotten worse. My current worry is a brain tumor. My symptoms that I get scare me and I worry it's something sinister. I have some possible explanations for some symptoms.
Flashes in vision (I have nearsightedness and haven't worn glasses for 12 years)
Tingling in both hands. (It could be I focus on them too much. When I ignore it or worry about something else I don't feel it as much or at all.)
Vertigo. I've had vertigo since 2018 and in 2020 I had a CT scan without contrast of my head done and they said it was normal. I've had vertigo on and off since.
Brain zaps where I get intense vertigo for a split second and it goes away. It feels like I'm going to pass out. I had this before the CT scan as well. In 2019.
Deja Vu. This is the symptom that scares me so much. Sometimes I'll go weeks without any. Sometimes months without any and then I'll get many second or two episodes. A few times I've had episodes that last 50 seconds or a minute. I remember the event very clearly still and I didn't have symptoms of a seizure aura like feeling depressed or tired afterwards. It was just deja Vu that made me feel a sense of familiarity. Weirdly enough, both episodes happened when I was watching something. And I had already seen one of those things once so I'm not sure if it was regular deja Vu because I hadn't seen it in a while. It doesn't feel like an out of body experience. It just feels familiar and odd. I went to the ER a month or so ago for the tingling and I was worried it was a brain tumor. The doctor said my other symptoms of vertigo and flashes lasting years would make it highly unlikely to be a tumor without progression of symptoms. A neurologist even saw me in the er and did some basic tests and despite me not knowing what month we were in (which btw scared me and I ended up panicking about that but that was a one time thing and I heard that social anxiety can cause this. Also to be fair I've been super depressed and most days blend together and I don't work so I'm usually in my room all day. ) he told me he didn't think a ln MRI was necessary and it was anxiety.
I tried to make myself not go to the ER and said if I'm still scared I can talk with my family doctor about possibly getting an MRI if she thinks it's necessary. I tried so hard but I gave in and called an ambulance because of my deja Vu worries. I kept seeing posts about it being a seizure aura and it could be brain tumor related and despite telling myself that there were other sensations associated with it I wasn't getting and no sign of progression, I still went to the er. and I was crying in the ambulance because I
feel so alone. I can't escape my anxiety because it's in my body. I begged them to do an MRI and they said that they didn't have an MRI station and even if they did they didn't think it was necessary because my deja Vu doesn't have other symptoms. And I've had random episodes and there's no signs of progressions which I should feel happy to hear but I just feel this sense of needing proof but maybe that won't even be enough. Maybe I'll get a new symptom and need another MRI. I just feel helpless.
I know most of my symptoms can be explained off. But the deja Vu scares me so much. And I have seen many posts from people who get worse deja Vu than me and they were fine but I still keep telling myself there's something in my brain. Maybe I'm worrying too much. I do have mental health problems. Ever since I was a child I had anger issues and was moody and would lash out. I used to hit myself (which I don't do anymore thankfully.) but clearly there's signs of mental illness. I don't know if I'm just too focused on my body and I'm noticing things and blowing it up out of proportion. I just don't know anymore. I plan on messaging my doctor tomorrow but I just feel so tired.
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