I'm in a really bad place and I've done something stupid

[WiredIncorrectly]

For the past week I've been in a dark place. I stopped taking my medications. I skipped them one day by mistake and felt awake and alive so I just skipped the next days. I didn't recognise where I was heading by doing this. But the consequences of my actions have left a huge crater in my life and a destroyed friendship.

I now recognise I'm in a bad place, but it's too late.

After a heavy argument with a friend, I did the stupid and report him to serious crime organisation. I expected nothing from it, I was angry and submitted it in the heat of the moment.

10 minutes later I got a call back and they wanted to visit me tomorrow. They're coming Tuesday.

They want evidence on something he has been involved in. It's fraud related.

But it absolutely wasn't my place to make that report. I had no right to do that over anger.

And now I can't close this tin of worms. I can't cancel the meeting because I've already submitted a lot of evidence so even without me, they will still prosecute.

Tonight the friend phoned me. He knows what I've done. He spoke to me and had a heart to heart. He told me he loves me and he's heartbroken, but understands we can't be friends ever again after this. The first thing he said to me was "You haven't been taking your medications have you?". He knows. I'm lucky I haven't been kidnapped yet. It's not safe for me. There's people involved in this that are not nice people. I have ruined my own life.

I can't sleep. I keep crying. I keep questioning what I've done and the outcome of this. I know the outcome of this. It's serious. He's going to lose all of his money. He knows the outcome.

Before we got off the phone, he was crying. This is somebody I grew up with, and is not the type of person you'd expect to see crying. But he was crying because I completely ruined a friendship. And I don't know what will happen next. If anything bad happens towards me, I only have myself to blame for this.

I can't live with myself after doing this. It's eating me away. I don't want to continue in life anymore. I'm so sorry.

I lost my cousin last week. Heart attack at 41. This is brutal.

[Catkins]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Can you see your GP about starting your meds again? Contact a local crisis team?

[BlueIris]

I'm really sorry you're having such a bad time. You need to get back on your meds, though, and on an even keel.

Will be thinking of you - message me any time you want.

[WiredIncorrectly]

I had a call from my doctor 4 days ago, because my ex was a bit concerned and advised I speak to the doctor. But he wasn't helpful. He told me to wait until my appointment with the mental health team on the 12th.

I took my meds last night and had a decent sleep. I woke up feeling like a weight has lifted.

I can't go into detail about the friend. But it would seem that having him in my life for so long has not been positive for me. I think finally severing that relationship and knowing it's done has in some way helped.

It will be what it will be. What he did is very bad, and a lot of people will get justice from this. It doesn't sit right with me that a person can earn a living taking from the poor, and pretend to the world that he's successful from legit business. Vulnerable peoples lives have been irreparably damaged.

So I'm looking on the positive side, and what good will come from this for the people that have been affected.

Thank you Catkins and Blue

[BlueIris]

Honestly, he doesn't sound like much of a friend.

[Carnation]

I think the things you said have been deep rooted with you for sometime and you've just not been comfortable with this. You are right, you can't go back but for the sake of your wellbeing and future it's probably best that this happened. You can explain when you have your visit that you want to be kept out of any future conversations that may take place.

[Darksky]

I think it’s important that you stay on your meds. This does happen….people think they are ok and stop. Then the world comes crashing down. Keep yourself on an even keel with them and you’ll be able to think straight.

[Scissel]

I hope you will feel better soon.

All the best,

Sal

[johnbol1]

hope you feel better soon, and I dont k ow what meds you take, but my meds for anx and dep, if you quit cold turkey, say that if you take one of the same dose, this can help within 24 hours of taking it, but as always ask your docs advice.
I went cold turkey once and lasted 7 weeks before I caved in and went back on different meds, that was hell

[WiredIncorrectly]

Thank you folks. Really appreciate the comments.

I am back on my medications now. I need to be careful of that false sense of wellness. I felt alive for a couple of days, and very energetic. Got loads of cleaning done and some decorating, and then I started crashing. But at the time I wasn't aware I was crashing.

Yeah he wasn't a good friend, but I'm naive and easily led when a person gets me to trust them. In reality these people are manipulators. Looking back to when we were kids he'd use me for my music equipment and would ask me to lend it. Stupid me did.

I was carrying a heavy cross with him in my life.

I sleep a lot on these meds. And everything has been so hectic I missed my appointment with the mental health team. I thought it was the 12th, it wasn't it was the 9th. I'm waiting for the doctor to call me back.

Next week I go to have my teeth out. 4 of them. And dentures.

So things are not really going well for me. I'm worrying a lot about the dentist. It's constantly consuming my thoughts. I've already put it off twice. I can't put it off again else they will remove me from the surgery. It took me a year to find a new practice that would accept me and I'm almost going to get kicked off because of anxiety.

I ended up buying alcohol last night. I was telling myself all the way to the shop "no alcohol, just milk. No alcohol, just milk". But once I was at the counter it just came out of my mouth.

I got home and poured it down the sink. That was a waste of money. I haven't drank don't worry, but the battle is very hard when you go through stressful times. The life of a recovering alcoholic.